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Thread: Does rational girlfriend mean she is settling?

  1. #21
    Silver Member SapphireNoir10's Avatar
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    Honestly I think she sounds like a great secure woman who is saying you and her have a grown up, rational lasting love rather than the infatuated burn out in a blaze of glory kind of love that never lasts.

    You need to either try and be less insecure or move on to someone that will love you the way you want and be the person you would want them to be.

    She is her own person, a different person to you. Accept that or move on. Those are your options.

    A lot of men would like a rational woman who loves you, has sex with you and wants a future with you.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by SapphireNoir10
    Honestly I think she sounds like a great secure woman who is saying you and her have a grown up, rational lasting love rather than the infatuated burn out in a blaze of glory kind of love that never lasts.

    You need to either try and be less insecure or move on to someone that will love you the way you want and be the person you would want them to be.

    She is her own person, a different person to you. Accept that or move on. Those are your options.

    A lot of men would like a rational woman who loves you, has sex with you and wants a future with you.
    She sounds great and I love her. But I think the underlyng fear is that eventually she will cheat on me or get fed up because of the following:

    1. She has dated 2 guys at the same time several times and met them 4 at the gym?
    2. She seems to look at guys a lot wondering eye. Although lately she has not done this, since I told her how I felt when I caught her looking
    3. With the info I have she has had sex with about 16+ guys I have had 10max (including) 5 I paid.
    4. She told me very subtly that she would always hook up when on vacation
    5. She used to have really low self-esteem; she does not think she is that pretty and she has issues with dad
    6. One of her best friends cheats on her husband
    7. With past guys she would always be questionning everything and very insecure in the relationship; she wanted more with these guys; but I think they found her very clingy and some just wanted her for sex.
    8. She told me she was very flirty when we became exclusive
    9. She also wanted to have a drink with an ex at one point; which I thought was inappropriate
    10. She has 3 boxes of condoms in her drawer
    11. I slept on her bed on the first offical date although I didn"t go for the home run
    12. Once I told her why she has never mentionned anything that I do great; she told me she has not seen anything worth mentioning, I was hurt.
    13. No she tells me that I am a mature relationship because now she does not go crazy.

    Basically all these thinkgs and more give me anxiety; I really hate this constant feeling of fear and loneliness!

  3. #23
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    Your shelf life with her is limited if you can't get this anxiety under control.

  4. #24
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Then it's time to break up.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Victoria66
    Then it's time to break up.
    Can you tell me why you say this?

  7. #26
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by johndoe13
    Can you tell me why you say this?
    Because you don't trust her any which way to Tuesday. And you don't believe she loves you even though she's told you. That is not a healthy relationship at all whatsoever.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Doc Blaze's Avatar
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    you play way too many scenarios in your head

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Victoria66
    Because you don't trust her any which way to Tuesday. And you don't believe she loves you even though she's told you. That is not a healthy relationship at all whatsoever.
    I agree, I think I just really lack self-esteem! I had a surprise divorce with my ex of 11 years, my mom let someone abuse us mentally for years, and overall I am don't have clear boundries and I'm 38? My current relationshipi has taken a hit on my friends (i don'T see them as much because I always want to be with my girlfriend), work (because I'm always thinking of her) and on me because I had even lower self-esteem than when I started. I am seing a psy this week. I am at a low point with occasional light suicidal thoughts but nothing major because I think I have yet to become a man. Thanks for your advice.

  10. #29
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    Just to add one more thing which I found weird. On the day we had this argument, we started kissing and ended-up doing make-up sex, while doing it I heard sobbing, and she was crying. I continued, then after I was over I asked why were you crying, she said she did not know!!! Any experience with this?

    I told myself to give her a break (of my needy moments) and to focus more on me for a while and let her come to me...hopefully we will be better off if I could pull this off. But the buttom line is that I need to let go and trust her...

  11. #30
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I agree your anxiety issues and esteem issues would probably be something to talk about in therapy. I am doing the same for some of my own issues. We all have to learn to soothe our self and not have the expectation that somebody else is going to do it for us. And I know it is very hard to learn to self soothe. It is a very difficult thing to learn how to do when you're very afraid and anxious. We want other people to make us feel better. But that is a heavy expectation to put upon somebody else and it is really unrealistic. Because that sets us up for failure and people letting us down. And then the whole cycle starts over again. This is why people really need to learn to self soothe. It is a very vital skill. And you will never be happy in any relationship unless you learn how to do it.

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