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Thread: Does rational girlfriend mean she is settling?

  1. #11
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    I ask her many questions everyday. The thing is that she answers with short answers and it bothers me that I feel like sometimes I am pulling teeth to get a conversation to flow. Yesterday it did, but I ended up entering a discussion about infactuation and rational love. And I did not take her answer the right way. She said that she did not mean it that way.

    Her almost exact words are:
    I don't want you to take this negativaly. But with you it is a different love, I can actually function at work, in life...it's like a mature love.

    She just answered the following with my apology for overeating:

    -I want to you to be more open to our dialague and not take things I tell you like personal attacks
    -We are very different and it seems you would like me to react the same way you would or even with more intensity
    -I'm used to being in control of my emotions but you constantly drill me
    -I love you and want to be long-term with you but I don't know how long I could take these up and downs. This is not an ultimatum, far from that, but I just wanted to tell you how I feel this moment.

    Is this a threat? Or a set-up for an ultimatum?

  2. #12
    Gold Member Iakasot's Avatar
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    Didn't he say that she wasn't reserved with her exes...and with him in the beginning hence the words "anymore" when describing what she doesn't do. Most guys feel downgraded if their girlfriend stops doing something that she used to do all the time.
    Originally Posted by Victoria66
    I agree.

    If your criteria for a mate is someone who is supremely expressive go pick that kind of person don't pick a person who is more reserved. Some people are naturally more reserved that doesn't make them wrong it just makes them the wrong person for you. If you want a person who fawns all over you go find that kind of person. Often it is not the other person that is lacking , it is our skills in finding the people that suit our needs.

  3. #13
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    Mature love is the most stable and important kind of love. THAT is what she is telling you. You on the other hand think infatuation is more important. Infatuation HAS to become mature love or it dies. What she is telling you is that you are seriously ticking her off with your constant drilling and doubting.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Iakasot
    Didn't he say that she wasn't reserved with her exes...and with him in the beginning hence the words "anymore" when describing what she doesn't do. Most guys feel downgraded if their girlfriend stops doing something that she used to do all the time.
    This is exaclty what I felt when she told me those words. Like if i'm the nice guy. It's like the old boyfriends got the whole package and I get less but I give more...example is she as nasty in bed than with these guys, did she try harder, did she respect them more...she told me that I did not get what she was telling me!

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Iakasot
    Didn't he say that she wasn't reserved with her exes...and with him in the beginning hence the words "anymore" when describing what she doesn't do. Most guys feel downgraded if their girlfriend stops doing something that she used to do all the time.
    No she didn't say she liked him any less she just felt more mature in this relationship than her other ones. I'm not sure how that is a downgrade.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by johndoe13
    This is exaclty what I felt when she told me those words. Like if i'm the nice guy. It's like the got the whole package and I get less but I give more...example is she as nasty in bad than with these guys, did she try harder, did she respect them more...she told me that I did not get what she was telling me!
    Well if you're not getting what she is saying then maybe you're the one who has the wrong perception?

  8. #17
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    OP have all your relationships been relatively short ? I am asking that because it could be that you are just used to the honeymoon phase and it not going any further than that.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Victoria66
    OP have all your relationships been relatively short ? I am asking that because it could be that you are just used to the honeymoon phase and it not going any further than that.
    Actually my first relationship was 11 year long. She used me at the beginning, she feel in love and then left me suddenly after not feeling I loved her.

    This is my second and I am 38 years old. She has had 2 (including me) and dated at least 10 guys. She has been vague about her past but I believe she was sexually aggressive...see my previous posts

    It seems I fall hard specially when I am physically attracted to the girl.

  10. #19
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    Ok then you know what mature love is. You are still in infactuation and she has moved beyond that phase.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Iakasot
    Didn't he say that she wasn't reserved with her exes...and with him in the beginning hence the words "anymore" when describing what she doesn't do. Most guys feel downgraded if their girlfriend stops doing something that she used to do all the time.
    It's interesting you mention this but she is by nature quiet and very observant. She however, can talk her head off if she feels she has to. I was once or twice ticked off because we would walk for an hour and barely talk and then bam, we meet a co-worker and there goes a normal conversation...

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