"I don't want to lose you." ??

What would you think if you heard the following from your boyfriend:

"I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to hurt you."

I would think that he is feeling guilty about something or thinking of doing or has done something that could potentially hurt me. Instead of trying to guess I would ask him what he means.

What if he refuses to tell you because he doesn't want to hurt you, but yet he admits to deliberately lying to you?

Then sorry, but cheating comes into mind. I would explain to him that he is already hurting me by not being clear and leaving me to imagine the worst. Then ask him again.

Then sorry, but cheating comes into mind. I would explain to him that he is already hurting me by not being clear and leaving me to imagine the worst. Then ask him again.

What if he says he "forgot"?

So, it mainly sounds like what a cheater would say? What if he keeps refusing to tell you, and instead starts to say he forgot and "you know I love you, right?"

"I don't want to lose you" - that was said to me by a man 12 years my senior (back in 2010, I was 22 and he was 34). He was never my boyfriend and at that stage we were just getting to know each other for a few months. Long story short: Lots of ups and downs, ons and offs, my insecurities and immaturity, he called me crazy and stuffs, then apologies and stuffs, then NC for 1-2 years.

Fast forward till recently, after 3 years of disconnection, I added him back on facebook. He ignored it. After a month of pending friend request, I just silently went and cancelled it. I didn't want to create any further mess.

In a way, when someone says "I don't want to lose you", take it as true up to that moment. The future settles for itself.

It depends if this is a boyfriend or an ex.

An ex could be saying they don't want to lose you or hurt you by telling you the true reasons for the breakup. They could be saying these things to try and keep you around as a "friend" immediately after the breakup to make the healing process easier for them (to keep you there as a backup plan.)

A boyfriend says things like that when they've cheated or done something equally dealbreaking to a relationship -- or when they're about to break up with you.

It depends if this is a boyfriend or an ex.

 

An ex could be saying they don't want to lose you or hurt you by telling you the true reasons for the breakup. They could be saying these things to try and keep you around as a "friend" immediately after the breakup to make the healing process easier for them (to keep you there as a backup plan.)

 

A boyfriend says things like that when they've cheated or done something equally dealbreaking to a relationship -- or when they're about to break up with you.

He said this while he was my boyfriend. He said he wasn't at his best friends house, that he was instead at a girls (best friends girl friends) house while he was alone with her for five minutes, but he swears that they didn't do anything, because his best friend was there, just outside.

The interesting thing is that his best friend is the one that wanted him to lie to me about what happened.

He said that after he said he didn't want to lose/hurt me.

Well obviously something happened there with that girl! The mere fact of being alone "for five minutes" with another female isn't worth mentioning to your girlfriend.

I'd say not only did something happen, but it was considerably longer than five minutes.

He didn't want to lose you..... because he knew what he did was breakup worthy.

He didn't want to hurt you..... because he knew if you knew what he did, you'd be hurt.

He wants you to still think of him as a good person, like we all do -- even though he did this awful hurtful thing.

I'd guess that 'I don't want to lose you' and 'I don't want to hurt you' in this instance means 'I've done something which would hurt you if you knew about it and possibly cause you to leave the relationship', and 'But I'm not going to tell you what it is'. In this case, he even 'forgot' what it is?

Whatever happened, I think I'd be happy to lose someone this sneaky and manipulative from my life.

Well obviously something happened there with that girl! The mere fact of being alone "for five minutes" with another female isn't worth mentioning to your girlfriend.

 

I'd say not only did something happen, but it was considerably longer than five minutes.

They were there from 9:30 P.M. until 4:30 A.M.

I'd guess that 'I don't want to lose you' and 'I don't want to hurt you' in this instance means 'I've done something which would hurt you if you knew about it and possibly cause you to leave the relationship', and 'But I'm not going to tell you what it is'. In this case, he even 'forgot' what it is?

 

Whatever happened, I think I'd be happy to lose someone this sneaky and manipulative from my life.

He's said that he forgot when it came to other things. He admitted to this after the fact. After he admitted, I asked him if he ever lied to me before. He said yes. I asked him if he deliberately lied. He said said yes. I asked what did he lie to me about before this and he said he forgot.

They were there from 9:30 P.M. until 4:30 A.M.

Then I'd assume there was sexual activity and be grateful to have escaped what sounds like a serial cheater, based on your posts above.

He's a player. He's a young guy I'm assuming. He's not someone who sounds ready or mature enough for a relationship with anyone.

Then I'd assume there was sexual activity and be grateful to have escaped what sounds like a serial cheater, based on your posts above.

 

He's a player. He's a young guy I'm assuming. He's not someone who sounds ready or mature enough for a relationship with anyone.

Yes, he's young, but old enough to know better.

Yes, he's young, but old enough to know better.

A player is a player is a player.....

What if he says he "forgot"?

What is he saying he forgot?

A player is a player is a player.....

Why would he do this? What would cause someone to cheat and become so cold?

What is he saying he forgot?

He only admitted to me about being at that girls house. He only kept saying he forgot when I asked him what else he lied to me about. He didn't tell me what he forgot about.

He just kept saying "I don't care" over and over.

Why would he do this? What would cause someone to cheat and become so cold?

Because he's a player. That's who he IS right now. He might outgrow it in 10 years or so -- maybe not. Not YOUR job to fix him.

Players (cheaters) are liars. They're really good at making you (and everyone else they're having sex with) believe they care. He's a liar. Never regret losing a cheater -- even if you ever got back together, you'd never be able to trust him again.

Because he's a player. That's who he IS right now. He might outgrow it in 10 years or so -- maybe not. Not YOUR job to fix him.

 

Players (cheaters) are liars. They're really good at making you (and everyone else they're having sex with) believe they care. He's a liar. Never regret losing a cheater -- even if you ever got back together, you'd never be able to trust him again.

Well, since he tries his best to be a good liar then, how can I detect they're lying to me if they don't admit it?

He mentioned that if he were to come back into my life two years from now, would I answer? When I said no, he scoffed at me and looked very annoyed.

He only admitted to me about being at that girls house. He only kept saying he forgot when I asked him what else he lied to me about. He didn't tell me what he forgot about.

 

He just kept saying "I don't care" over and over.

So he knows he lied to you but he forgot what about - is that right?? That sounds a bit odd to me - if I have understood that correctly that is. Though, to be honest, all his answers were extremely vague. This vagueness can only be a cover-up because he doesn't want to come clean about something.

Well, since he tries his best to be a good liar then, how can I detect they're lying to me if they don't admit it?

You judge them by their ACTIONS. Never by their WORDS.