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Relationship dilema, not sure which girl to date


XD0055

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Hello everyone!

 

I've decided to give this another shot.

So anyway, I took everyone's advice on giving non-virgins a

open-minded approach as to virgins. I went to prom with a girl who isn't a virgin and ended up feeling worse.

But first, I want to talk about the positive things. At first, I was talking to her because I didn't want her to feel bad

as she told me she would cry herself to sleep at night and stuff since she had been chronically single and never had a boyfriend.

That broke my heart because I had been in the same situation before. And she invited me to her prom. I thought what the heck?

And I wanted to make her happy so I went to her prom. I taught her how to slow dance and grind, which we had both done for the first time with the opposite sex.

And when we were slow dancing, I felt like there was such a connection and didn't care about her not being a virgin AT THAT TIME. In fact, we almost kissed but she ended up being too shy.

 

Okay so the next day, I couldn't get the experience out of my head and I've kind of developed feelings for her and it still kinda bugs me that she is not a virgin.

I don't want to make her sad, I don't want her to go back to crying herself to sleep at night but I don't want to let her go. All at the same time,

I don't want to go through the relationship regretting that I lost my virginity to someone that I can't get theirs' back from.

 

I have a second girl I could go out with who is a virgin although we

don't have as much in common. I have not met her yet though and

I would feel like a sleezeball to date her exclusively to take her virginity

one day with the idea of leaving her at some point.

 

I dunno I'm just torn. I've been trying very hard to forget about the virginity issue

but I'm finding it extremely difficult. I've tried lying to myself and telling myself she IS a virgin

but I'll always eventually remember the truth and I'd have to ask her to do the same and somehow forget that I did.

I dunno you guys probably think I'm insane for making such a big deal out of something that usually isn't in America at least...

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since she had been chronically single and never had a boyfriend.

I felt like there was such a connection and didn't care about her not being a virgin

 

I have a second girl I could go out with who is a virgin although we

don't have as much in common. I have not met her yet .

 

I'm really confused here. Girl # 1 - you say she has been single and never had a boyfriend, yet she's not a virgin? How did that happen??

 

Then girl # 2: You mention she is NOT a virgin, yet you have never met her. How do you KNOW she's not a virgin? Does she just announce this to guys she talks to?? Do people go around asking each other if they're virgins or not before making a decision whether to date them or not? What am I missing here?

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I'm really confused here. Girl # 1 - you say she has been single and never had a boyfriend, yet she's not a virgin? How did that happen??

 

Then girl # 2: You mention she is NOT a virgin, yet you have never met her. How do you KNOW she's not a virgin? Does she just announce this to guys she talks to?? Do people go around asking each other if they're virgins or not before making a decision whether to date them or not? What am I missing here?

 

Girl #1 - told me a guy talked her into having sex and they ended up doing it a lot.

 

Girl #2 - Told me SHE WAS a virgin.

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you really are just going to ruin your own happiness over this virgin stuff .

 

what alarmed me is this

 

I would feel like a sleezeball to date her exclusively to take her virginity

one day with the idea of leaving her at some point.

 

the fact that you are saying all your saying , yet still considering going out with her ..to put her then in the same boat

as the rest of the women you wont date ...

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you really are just going to ruin your own happiness over this virgin stuff .

 

what alarmed me is this

 

 

 

the fact that you are saying all your saying , yet still considering going out with her ..to put her then in the same boat

as the rest of the women you wont date ...

Its already ruined. ROFL I realize its a problem, hence why I'm asking for advice.

But yeah it alarmed me too that had even crossed my mind as I'm usually not

the type of guy to do something like that.

I dunno, my friend says to go ahead and date the virgin and see how it goes.

 

But I did say this...

I dunno I'm just torn. I've been trying very hard to forget about the virginity issue

but I'm finding it extremely difficult.

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I am the wrong person I guess to give opinions on this site ..because I dont regard virginity as a big deal ...never have and certainly as you get older they are few and far between .

Yeah and I found that very depressing for a long time that I'm 20 and have never had sex but everyone I know

has this wonderful story of how they lost their virginity together with someone and how great it was.

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honest matthew I wouldnt believe all of those stories ...

 

I dont know many who have had these amazing, earth moving moments of virginal bliss and wholeness and all the

rest of it .

 

I am not trying to devalue your wants and your desires or who you are ...it is qute lovely that you want that moment to be special ...but I just feel you have almost been led into this drama of it all been so heavenly , when the facts and certainly the statistics tell a different story .

 

but then different generations bring about different values ...I remember some crap about wearing a ring a virginity ring or something ....dear god ...its sex ...its a shag ...now its suddenly a trip to the jewelers .

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may I tell you my view on sex and what is important ...

 

the most amazing experiences sex wise I have ever had where born out of pure love , not status ., and it was with the man I came here about . Because I loved him , every inch of him , when he took my face and kissed me it didnt matter if he

had slept with 200 women prior to me ..I wouldnt know , I dont ask these questions ...because it didnt matter anyway .

 

I loved what he was about , how he made me feel , his voice , his mind , his conversation , his laugh , the things we did together ..that all came first the beautiful love you feel for another ...thats like foreplay in all honesty .

 

so it stood to reason than when we united in sex/making love , whatever you want to call it ...then the joy and fulfilment where so electric and so charged with passion that nothing else mattered .

 

I hope you can sort your head out with all this stuff because you sound like a good guy x

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I think you need to get over it man, I mean whats the big deal? I guess I don't get it because it's not like baby cherub unicorn kittens will randomly fly into the room shooting fireworks out of their a**'s when two virgins have sex.

 

Seriously, you should be focused more on the person, and not the superficial details. You are judging people for doing something that is totally normal, setting double standards, using this as a motivation to use people, and in the end what for? Being with a virgin really isn't the best lay anyways, the first time isn't the best for most people in general, and it's not a fairtale. It doesn't make a person any more or less to have been with people before you, and thats an idea you better get ok with because face it man it's not like the women of the world are going to stay chaste just so they can have a chance to be with you.

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I lost my virginity to my husband, who had lost his a long, long time ago. I was rare in the sense that although I had fooled around with guys, I hadn't had full intercourse with anybody until I met my husband. When we first had sex, I was 25 years old.

 

Did it bother me that he had already had this experience without me? A little bit, but only in the sense that it felt like I 'missed out' on that part of him, and that made me a bit sad. I wasn't jealous of the girl he lost his virginity to (though I did find out we shared the same name which was a bit amusing) but I did wish that it could have been me. He told me later on that he shared other 'firsts' with me (Like telling me he loved me and introducing me to his parents, etc.) so I took those instead and it felt better.

 

You need to figure out why you are so bothered by this? Is it because you are thinking of giving her this part of yourself and you don't feel like it is going to be given back? Or is it because you are jealous that someone else 'got there first' so to speak.

 

You cannot change her past. That is something you NEED to realize right now. And the older you get, the less likely it is that you will find women out there who are still virgins. For the most part statistically people lose their virginity in their mid to late teens.

 

I don't say that to make anybody feel bad if they are still virgins (again I was 25) but that is what the numbers say.

 

She has already confessed that she is deeply upset and bothered by her initial experiences with sex. Her being shy with you is very likely a response to that, and a desire to do things differently from now on. People focus too much I think on the fact that you can only lose your virginity once that they can sometimes miss the point. Is it better to lose it to someone you love and care about? I think so but that is just an opinion and I think that so many people are told this that any other circumstance that they may have, automatically causes them to feel judged and shameful.

 

Don't make her feel any worse about this - she obviously feels she made a mistake she cannot take back. You say you connect with her and that you have wonderful chemistry, right? Then why are you even CONSIDERING girl #2 when you have admitted yourself that you would likely leave her after it's over with. Wouldn't that result in the same thing happening as with girl #1? You would take her virginity and treat her the same way. Do you want to be that guy?

 

Do not let selfish male pride rob you of the possibility of a great relationship.

 

You will not be able to be her first sexual experience. That ship has sailed, but it still IS possible to be her first POSITIVE sexual experience and that in my opinion is FAR more important.

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Go out with the girl that you really like. Don't look at the girl who is a virgin as a "mark" - who you see as someone you can lose your virginity with and nothing more. If you don't love someone it is going to be a weird and awkward experience and you might regret feeling so attached to a girl you have no feelings for and you used. I don't think its healthy being with a girl who you are with because you are afraid she will cry for not having a boyfirend, etc. but going after a girl JUST because she is a virgin and for no other good traits is just not optimal either.

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Go out with the girl that you really like. Don't look at the girl who is a virgin as a "mark" - who you see as someone you can lose your virginity with and nothing more. If you don't love someone it is going to be a weird and awkward experience and you might regret feeling so attached to a girl you have no feelings for and you used. I don't think its healthy being with a girl who you are with because you are afraid she will cry for not having a boyfirend, etc. but going after a girl JUST because she is a virgin and for no other good traits is just not optimal either.

 

It is a sleezeball thing to do and I even said that.

I think this fixation on virginity might have stemmed from me being "technically raped"

in the past. Its a memory I remember very little about and I guess I've just sorta "locked it away".

I suppose this is sort of the way the repressed memory I suppose you would call it, manifests itself.

Much like the situation with her, an older boy talked me into having sex with him. And I guess subconciously

I didn't want to accept my virginity being lost to a male at age 11. But when I think back on it and just accept

that was my virginity, I feel better about it and I feel as though that helps me cope with this as I can relate to her in that situation.

I'm not really jealous of the guy just disappointed that I can't share my virginity with my mate. I've been told that

the dude doesn't count as my virginity as a lot of people say at that age your easily suggestible and cant make sound decisions.

But yeah... I think that I will continue to talk to both of them and try my best to keep an open mind as

like I said, I have yet to meet girl #2 in person.

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