"the perfect son"

My 2 year old little girl is the love of my life. We have been very fortunate to make some good neighbor friends who have a son the same age and we spend a good deal of time together. The thing is the boy is very advanced intellectually and the parents gush about him (he's quite impressive and all parents gush...as they should!). Lately when my daughter babbles they'll say things like "umm what?!" like she makes no sense. The other day the dad of the little boy reprimanded her for something (not harsh) and she was inconsolable. Tonight when we saw them he said "am I allowed to talk to her today or she's gonna have a meltdown again?". I feel like the implication is that their kid is so smart and perfect and mine is a little basket case. I find myself retreating and not saying anything to defend her ....I love her just as much as they love their son and do not want to participate in anything that would leave her feeling "less than" or letting that just be implied by their comments. Their little guy is super smart but also

super controlling and tells her what she can touch/play with/how to do it

"right" etc. She is easy going for the most part and I love that she has someone so close by to play with ...especially since we don't have family nearby.

So what do I do? Say something to them? It would be soooo uncomfortable. Maybe just to the mom and let her talk about it with her husband? I really like them and their son....I just feel that they're judging my

little one and any parent knows how awful/frustrating/maddening that can feel.

I'm a first time parent (they are too) and also a single mom...help!!

This reminds me of a neighbor I had who had a little boy that i secretly called 'The Little Prince'... the first day I moved in, he knocked on my door and gave me a little lecture about how 'in this neighborhood we park so that our bumpers are not hanging over the edge of the sidewalk.' that made no sense at all and i asked him, what do you mean and he responded that his son needed to be able to ride his Big Wheels and he didn't want the bumper 'impinging' on his son's play space! So he expected me to move my car 2 inches so his little darling had 2 more inches to play in. And one day he boy was playing and swinging from the bottom branch of a neighborhood tree (which of course he shouldn't have been doing). He scratched himself and went running crying to his father, who ran after him and said, did that bad tree hurt you? then he went in the house, got a chain saw and literally sawed off that branch (which he didn't own the tree, community property) because it has 'hurt' his little darling who shouldn't have been swingin on the tree to begin with. Then he announced, 'there, daddy took care of that bad tree.'

I watched that little boy grow up for about 5 years into an absolute MONSTER because he could do no wrong in his parents eyes, and every other person/thing in the universe was expected to bow down to him. I imagine by now that kid is either in jail or dead from drugs because he was so ridicuilous spoiled and pampered.

I think parents deserve bragging rights for their children, HOWEVER, that shouldn't extend to trying to alter everything in the world to suit themselves and their child at the expense of other people/things.

How you should handle this is next time he makes a snarky comment like criticizing her for having a NORMAL two year old meltdown, you say something like 'well, yes, of course she will, she's two and has a good set of lungs on her doesn't she? My mother says i screamed twice as loud as that.' If she does it again, just ignore her and she'll stop. And if you reprimand her, it just makes it worse, so just ignore her.' (which is the professional advice btw of dealing with 2 year old tantrums, not reprimanding them.'

But really put this in perspective,their kid is only TWO and it is not a race at that age to see who's going to win the Nobel prize! Children develop at their own speed and at different times because they are all individuals. Some kids are quite erudite, others are amazing athletic and coordinated, some are incredibly sweet and loving. and little girls ARE different than little boys in terms of their development.

So the thing is, you don't have to defend her and shouldn't feel the need to! She's two, and two year olds can be a handful. Perhaps she is not as verbal as him yet. I had a friend who never said one word until he was 5 because he had a twin sister who did all the talking for him. And when he finally spoke, she said perfectly reasonable full sentences, and grew up to be one of those hyper intelligent Seattle link removed gazillionaires even though he said not one word the first 5 years of his life.

When I was 2 and my brother 4, i used to talk for him too... he talked, but he used all kinds of weird words for things not calling them by their right name, but i could understand him and also everyone else and would translate. But he went to a speech therapist who said he would start talking correctly when he felt like it because he had no real reason to have to say it right because i understood him and his parents understood him so when it really started to matter to him and he wanted to communicate with other kids outside the family, he's speak normally. And he did! She said he was a very creative child who invented his own lexicon when he was a child based on what HE wanted to call things, and his parents understood him and i coming along later understood both is lexicon and everyone elses. He just saw no need to use the 'other' words until he really needed to and it served his purpose! He always was a very bright and self directed individual who did his own thing, and still does to this day. So he looked like he had MAJOR problems when he was young that were more to do with his lack of caring about 'normal' speech and social development because he was perfectly understood at home and saw no need to converse with people he wasn't interested in who were not family.

So nobody should try to second guess kids at that age in terms of who is 'smarter' or not. The little wheels in your daughter's brain are definitely turning, and she may not be ready or able to yet express herself in the same way another child might and she will in time. And if they really pick at her, i'd tell them, look, cut her some slack, she's two and will develop at her own rate. But mostly ignore what they say because they are lost in a crazy parental haze thinking their son is the perfect little Prince and everyone should be just like him. There will come a time when that comes back to haunt them!

You're being way too nice about their crappy behavior towards you and your child. Call them down on it. I bet a dime to a doughnut they walk out in a completely pissy huff! Let them. C ya, don't want ta b ya! Should be your response if they do anything other than apologize profusely.

Sometimes you simply cannot stay nice.

Angel

I really liked what Lavenderdove wrote and what I want to add (or maybe expand on since she covered all the bases) is that I really have no idea why they think that intelligence is "all that" in a child that age - I mean, I don't care why they do and you shouldn't care, either but it seems to me that what is far more important than being able to discern intellectual ability is how well he plays with others -and apparently he doesn't and it's pretty clear that is in large part due to what behaviors his parents reinforce. And, sure, your daughter had a meltdown but that has nothing to do with how you're raising her -it's totally normal, she's 2. Sounds to me like your focus is not her intellectual capacity but her overall happiness and developing her ability to interact with others in a reasonable way (and yes meltdowns are inevitable!).

I would distance myself from this family - your daughter is not having fun playing with their son and they seem to be on this silly comparison kick. You and your daughter deserve better.

(I have a 4 year old by the way).

I would only have the child play at your house so you can set the rules in your own house. Just because he lives close doesn't mean your daughter has to always play with him. The worst part is the parents, though - it seems that they are almost making fun of your daughter.

Also - if you are there - then by all means defend your daughter on the spot. I would also make an effort to have tea with the mother and get to know her since your kids are playing together. It is natural for a parent to think their advanced child is what is "typical" at that age. But if she's a jerk too - then I would find other friends for your daughter.

I would suggest to defend your child. She would probably need to hear it, if your relationship with them goes on when they're older. Doesn't have to be AGGRESSIVE but could be simple like "Well, yeah, she's two. I would have thought you'd know that's normal two behavior. And please don't belittle how she acts, children can feel how people are viewing her and it's not a good influence for her." Set up boundaries because their boundaries with their kid is a bit over the top. It's not that rare to have a smart kid. I was one too, reading adult books when I was way too young, and my boyfriend read the classics when he was 6 too. It's not that rare. Of course, not common, and yes, they should be proud, but really, they're acting a little stuck up. But defend your daughter, she needs to know her mother has her back. Even if she doesn't talk much to know what's up, she can feel the environment. Research shows that even babies can tell if an adult is being a... For lack of a better word, a jerk. They prefer the person that acts nicer with smiles and good vibes. Babies can tell at such a young age.

I'd try to distance myself from them and find a more down to earth couple than them, but that's me. If you find them of use as friends, then just ignore how their kid behaves -- their problem. But step in when it interferes with your kid.

Thank you everyone. As you can see I'm not remotely concerned about my daughter's intelligence or typical behaviors. I'm a teacher and I know full well that intelligence comes from more than a big vocabulary. More about the parents: they are extremely miserly with their money even though they have plenty and they count all their calories up to and including the ketchup on a burger and weighing the beef even though they're both thin. To each his own, but what happens is they'll make comments like "oh I would never spend that much on (blah blah blah) unless I had a coupon" or "oh you have chips again...we always end up over eating when we come here". They have a lot of great qualities too. I just don't know if I should be ballsy and say something or distance myself as suggested. If I stopped talking to everyone who annnoye me a few times I'd be pretty lonely! ;-)

At the same time, maybe I'd be better off nurturing a friendship that came more naturally or felt more genuine. I think their kid is great....and mine is too...it's not a competition!

At the same time, maybe I'd be better off nurturing a friendship that came more naturally or felt more genuine. I think their kid is great....and mine is too...it's not a competition!

Yes. You would. Plan things with other people and don't be so available for them.

BTW, coming to your house and telling you that they overeat your unhealthy chips is insulting, etc. I would get sick of that. So don't eat the chips, then, right?

I can see where the child gets his controlling behavior. poor kid.

They actually sound kind of like crashing bores to me... and fairly passive aggressive too. The thing about passive aggressive people is it makes them crazy when you don't play.

So they make a snooty comment and you just pull their chain back to show them they won't ever control YOUR behavior (or your daughters). If they say something like 'oh , chips again, we overeat when we come here...' you just smack your lips and say, 'ummm, they are great chips too.. think i'll ask for another order to carry out and take home for later!'

If they're the controlling types they will get great satisfaction out of trying to control you or your daugther with those passive aggressive comments. Just blast right thru them and show them you're in control of you and your daugther and their snotty remarks aren't going to change you one bit.

btw, how i'd handle them trying to control your daughter... if they reprimand her and it precipitates a tantrum, you just say, 'why do you fall for that every time and incite her to tantrum. saying such and such is like poking a sleeping bear and is bound to set her off. i wish you wouldn't do that because then we all have to listen to the screaming when we wouldn't have to if you'd just let her be and let her be a 2 year old and recognize that she is one.''

You can always best someone who is passive aggressive by calling them on the carpet when they do it. it will shock them, but they'll eventually back off because what they want is to be in control, and you just jerk that control right away from them every time they try to use it on you. You're in charge of you and your daughter, not them, and don't let them forget it!