struggling with my disorder. My family pushes me. Help.

I was always a pretty thin child growing up, but my family is Hispanic at root and my mom if full Mexican and I hate to say it but literally every single one of my brothers and sisters has been diagnosed with obesity except me, I'm just the exact opposite. I used to be kinda fat but once I got into high school I was under so much pressure I got deep in anorexia and bulimia. I was forced to quite cross country because the school nurse wouldn't allow it because I was harming myself running 12 or more miles a day and only eating 1 cup of plain oatmeal. I got better for awhile when I was temporarily living with my best friend and away from my family with the worlds worst eating habits that made it impossible for me to live a healthy recovery. Now I had that horrible break up with my long term boyfriend I wrote about before and I have no self esteem anymore because all my family does is make me feel bad for everything I do, I'm never good enough. I get not even really mad over one thing and my mom yells at me and calls me a b**** who doesn't do anything.

I am deathly afraid of being fat I can't help it I just am I'm always thinking about it, and lately my old habits are coming back and now I'm getting sick a lot and missing lot of school because I'm not eating. I sometimes wish I would just die, I know that's part of the reason why I do it. I'm so sick of never feeling good enough but when I try to take care of myself my family just makes it twice as hard on me, not that I'm saying I need super special treatment just a little POSITIVE support instead of yelling. I'm just an emotional mess and my boyfriend leaving me the he did killed any esteem I had left. Now my mom is mad at me for not eating but she wont help me eat better she just buys junk food all the freaking time. I having an impossible time taking care of myself, I hardly sleep now and hardly eat and when I do its like Ice cream and doughnuts. I'm such a mess all around.

I can certainly see the difficulty of your situation. I need to know a few things that would help me to offer you some helpful advice. What is your age? Are you attending college? ....chi

I mean to say I don't need super special attention* and I'm 17 and junior in high school.

Have you considered discussing this with a counselor at school? ....chi

yes I have talked to one before along with my coach as well but they really can only help so much.

yes I have talked to one before along with my coach as well but they really can only help so much.

What did they do for you at that time? Also, I think you should talk to a counselor again, and this time a different one than you did before.

Are you getting sick or not eating ?

I used to be on the same boat as you and I started going to the grocery store with my parents and picking out healthy stuff for myself and/or cooking healthy meals for my family.

Do you think maybe that would help you recover and also help your family have a different perspective on their food choices?

It sounds like your whole family needs to alter their eating habits. I would have a talk with them about that and go shopping with the one who purchases the food items. You would have the opportunity to make some changes that way. chi

Note: The OP has not returned to ENA for 2 years.