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Boyfriend confessed to cheating


LonelyGirl10

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I feel completely devastated on one hand, and numb on the other hand. I've been posting on here for four months, so many of you probably know my story. Boyfriend broke up with me in December, listing reasons like depression and wanting to move out of state. He kept coming back though, and then leaving again. We finally officially got back together beginning of March. Then he got a cold sore, and got distant for three weeks. He's never had a cold sore before, so I asked whether he had kissed the girl that he went out on one date with while we were broken up. He said no, and got upset at me for asking that question. He said that I have trust issues. Refused to see me for three weeks. Here's the link for my three weeks of doubting myself: Then we worked it out because I apologized. Things have been okay since then. We have a cruise that we're leaving on next week, so we were excited about that. Not perfect, but it was starting to get back to normal.

 

He stayed the night last night. We had sex for the first time in a long time, and it was great. I took a shower this morning, and came to him and dropped my towel afterward. He covered me up in the towel, and sat me down on the bed. And confessed that he had been having sex with a girl from work since the first week after our breakup. He said that he tried to cut it off after we got back together, but he slept with her during those three weeks that he refused to see me while he had a cold sore. We were officially a couple during that time.

 

So, I'm sitting there naked in a towel on my bed listening to all this. I just feel like crap. I can't even process it all. It literally disgusts me to think of him with her. She started flirting with him probably a year ago, and he always swore that he was never attracted to her. But she acted inappropriately, so he agreed to not see her outside of work. So, somehow it's worse that it was her. And it's not like it was a one time thing with a girl that he met at a bar. It was repeatedly, with her, over four months. And it was after we got back together.

 

And the really screwed up part is that he made me feel guilty throughout the past month for having trust issues. He said that I was imagining things, seeing things that weren't there. I apologized to him. I tried so hard to be the perfect girlfriend so that he wouldn't leave me again. And during all of it, he was sleeping with her. And they had oral sex. It's so disgusting thinking that I kissed him after he had oral sex with her. But what kind of person makes their partner feel guilty for having trust issues while they know that they're sleeping with someone? That's just so horrible.

 

And the other worst part is that people kept telling me that there might be someone else. And I defended him. I'll admit, I do have trust issues. With prior relationships, I was quick to assume cheating. But I didn't with him. I trusted him. He was different. He was better than my other exes. He was a better man. He was christian, and he had the same values that I did. He was supposed to be better. And he did this.

 

And then to make it even really screwed up, there's a part of me that wishes I didn't know. There's a part of me that still wants to be with him. I can't believe I said that. But I'm disappointed that we won't be going on a great cruise together next week now. What does that say about me? Why can't I just be pissed and telling him to screw himself.

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Because you're afraid of being alone....but you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. You know that he was with someone, and lying to you about it the whole time.

 

Accept that he is not the man you thought he was...and see him for who he truly is.

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I'm sorry by the way that he did this. Let his little work girlfriend have him, they deserve each other.

 

When he broke up with her, she threatened to tell me. He still broke up with her. So she filed stalking charges against him, and he has to go to court. He said that he was with me at the time that she filed the charges against him. Karma's a *****.

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That sucks! I have been following your story.. I am sorry. This has happened to me too.. My advice would be to think really hard about wheather or not you want to stay with him. If you do you have to forgive him or you will only have resentment towards him and the relationship will get worse. I wish this didnt happen I was so hoping things would get better for you.. Maybe this will be the breaking point you need to start feeling good about yourself cause this has nothing to do with you and this was all his fault! Try and have a good day!

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When he broke up with her, she threatened to tell me. He still broke up with her. So she filed stalking charges against him, and he has to go to court. He said that he was with me at the time that she filed the charges against him. Karma's a *****.

 

 

But he's still sleeping with her?

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When he broke up with her, she threatened to tell me. He still broke up with her. So she filed stalking charges against him, and he has to go to court. He said that he was with me at the time that she filed the charges against him. Karma's a *****.

 

Yes it is and I always love when cheaters end up with psychopaths.

 

Sorry you're going through this. Stay strong and remind yourself that you are better off not dealing with someone who no longer deserves your trust.

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He also keeps saying that I never would have found out if he hadn't told me. He said that he's better than my exes, because he didn't get caught. He confessed. Like that should give him points or something.

 

 

Well that was a donkey comment if I ever heard one. Is he expecting some sort of prize because he owned up and confessed? He confessed because i bet she was about to tell you all about their dirty little secret.

 

He's an ass, she's a pig. Those two barnyard animals definitely deserve each other.

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LonelyGirl10, what a gut wrenching story. I'm so sorry.

 

He said he won't do it again, and wants me back. I told him no, obviously.

Good for you. Smart.

 

He also keeps saying that I never would have found out if he hadn't told me.

Oh, nice. He's basically saying you could never ever trust him.

 

Be kind to yourself, gather your support network and healing plan. I highly recommend scheduling a massage or body work for the day you were meant to leave on the cruise. Do something special every day of that cruise time, a massage, a swim, a great hike, make it an especially nurturing and grounding time for YOU.

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What a jerk. You better get yourself tested and get far away from him. You deserve better. Have some self respect.

 

Agreed but dont read too much into the cold sore. People are often infected with HSV-1 (cold sore virus) at a young age by being kissed by adults and carry the virus into their adult years without ever having many outbreaks. Stress can lead to outbreaks so its possible he had cold sores all his life. If he never kissed you during a break-out, you probably didnt catch it

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Agreed but dont read too much into the cold sore. People are often infected with HSV-1 (cold sore virus) at a young age by being kissed by adults and carry the virus into their adult years without ever having many outbreaks. Stress can lead to outbreaks so its possible he had cold sores all his life. If he never kissed you during a break-out, you probably didnt catch it

 

Yeah, but the girl is someone who has a bad reputation in our small town for sleeping around and having STDs. I asked him if he wore a condom, and he said no.. He asked her if she had any diseases, and she told him no. So he trusted her. So yeah, I have to get tested.

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I've been asking questions all day about it. Probably torturing myself. I asked how many times, and he said too many to count. He said 2-3 times per week since January.

 

I just don't understand how he could lie to me for that long. He looked me in the eyes, and said that he didn't do anything with her. Not even a kiss. And he refused to see me for three weeks because I hurt him by not trusting him and thinking that he kissed her. How could he do that to me?

 

And how did I not see it? It makes me completely doubt my judgment. I thought he was a good man. I even told him that last night. I told him he was a good boyfriend, and a good man. And that he needed to forgive himself for leaving me, because it was the past and I forgave him. And then he confessed all this crap this morning.

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My SO needed some time to re-think our relationship at some point of time. We did not break up, we decided to have no contact for a few weeks, we were in a LDR. So after his re-thinking thing, he came back to me and said that he really loves me and that he wants to be with me. Well I stupidly did, but it only lasted for another 5 months. I have posted this on another sub-forum, but here is my box of chocolates story. I will never again take someone back who cheated on me.

 

 

Life is not a box of chocolates

 

 

You cheated on me and that says all about who you really are.

 

I took you back and that was just so stupid of me.

 

You broke up with me 5 months later and you promised a letter to explain the reasons.

 

I never got that letter until 14 months later.

 

You regret your decision and want me back. At age 54 you had your enlightening moment, that life is not all about sex. Wow, congratulations with that Mister!

 

Life is not a box of chocolates, where you can have a bite, put it back, take another chocolate and then say, hey that first chocolate wasn’t so bad after all.

 

Because I am not going to be that first chocolate for you.

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Lonelygirl- I followed your other post, im so sorry this happened to you. It just goes to show your gut feeling that something wasnt right was right all along!! It all makes sense now...the way he would question you when you were being sweet to him and the way he became so distsnt but would then go all funny when you gave him space....all signs of guilt!!!! I still think it is unbelievable the way human beings can treat other human beings, especially when it is someone they are supposed to love and have a commitment with. This guy is pure scum, all those times that he looked into your eyes and completely lied to you. and made you feel guilty for not trusting him when you had good reason to all along, at least (hopefully) this will be easier to get over as he is such an arse (or as you may say- ass ;-) )

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I just don't know how I'm ever going to trust again. I really thought he was different. I've been cheated on in the past, but it was no huge shock. The guys didn't have good morals. But this guy did. I just can't believe it. It just doesn't make sense with everything that I know about him. I feel like that if he can do this, then anyone can. I feel bitter, and cynical. And I can't stop crying.

 

He's been texting me all day. Stuff like "I do want to feel like I did before with you. Hopelessly in love. I want that back. I feel we could have that." And "I know I can't love anybody as much as I used to love you. I know that. I messed up alot and I'm sorry. I know it's tough. Please try to forgive me."

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I just don't know how I'm ever going to trust again.

 

Is it true what Cherry009 said, that you had gut feelings about this?

It just goes to show your gut feeling that something wasnt right was right all along!!

 

If so, try looking at the trust from a different angle "[/i] I just don't know how I'll ever distrust my gut feelings again." Much different, if you're willing to take a gamble on trust, giving your gut feelings the benefit of the doubt. We tend to do the opposite, distrust our own feelings and listen to someone else, and when we get hurt we are right it is a trust issue, but fundamentally it is about trusting ourselves.These are just my current ponderings. I suppose it is human nature, we are willing to listen to someone else over listening to ourselves.

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LG, I've been following your story too. I am not surprised about this update because it was really the only thing that made sense with the way he was acting but I am really sorry you are going through this. I know how painful it is. You believed him because you love him and wanted to stay with him. Now you know that he is not someone you can trust so I think the best thing is to stop asking him questions, stop all contact and start your healing all over again. Don't give him the opportunity to manipulate you and sweet talk you anymore. And please get tested. Stay strong!

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I just don't know how I'm ever going to trust again. I really thought he was different. I've been cheated on in the past, but it was no huge shock. The guys didn't have good morals. But this guy did. I just can't believe it. It just doesn't make sense with everything that I know about him. I feel like that if he can do this, then anyone can. I feel bitter, and cynical. And I can't stop crying.

 

He's been texting me all day. Stuff like "I do want to feel like I did before with you. Hopelessly in love. I want that back. I feel we could have that." And "I know I can't love anybody as much as I used to love you. I know that. I messed up alot and I'm sorry. I know it's tough. Please try to forgive me."

 

No, you THOUGHT he was different but he wasn't, he fooled you. Somewhere out there there is a guy who won't pretend to be different and moral, he will ACTUALLY be different and moral and won't let you down.

 

At the end of the day it is up to you if you get back together with him but you will never fully trust him again and do you really think you can habe a suceasful relationship without trust?? Just remember that he didnt just make a one off 'mistake' he slept with her over and over again for months, that isn't just a 'mess up' he made a fool of you and knew exactly what he was doing when he was in bed with her. Does he really think things will go back to how they were after all he has done?

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Can you block his texts for now? I don't think it will help to listen to him. It might be nice to know he's feeling regret, but even he said you would never know if he hadn't told you, which could mean you will never know in the future either. As painful as going no contact can be, it seems a saner solution than listening to him. He can't just make it right at the moment. It will only confuse you and maybe stir up extreme emotion.

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