How to Never Become Friend-Zoned with Girls

I have been thinking about this for years, and complaining on enotalone endlessly about my problems, until I discovered the key.

You don't have to be a jerk, or rude, or aggressive. The KEY to never being seen as the "nice guy" or becoming friend zone is simple:

1. DO NOT pander to their problems, at least right away. Girls will test you by talking about things they would discuss with their girlfriends. If you fall into the trap of offering sweet advice--Boom! You've just hit friend status.

It is okay to be disinterested. Not everything a girl says is fascinating, no matter how beautiful she is. It shows that you are not just there to impress them. And, that you are a normal person who has turnoffs. Do you complain to your friends about things constantly? Do they give you sweet advice back? Probably not.

2. Find something about her to tease her about. Make it something fun that doesn't come off as insulting. For example, if she says that she likes to read Harry Potter novels, say "you're so nerdy!" or "that's incredibly dorky" in a playful way. Works every time. You can follow up with your own dorky confession afterward to build a bond.

3. Make friends (or friendly acquaintances) with a few girls before you go looking for one to date. This sounds a bit bass ackwards, but if you have a group of girls who are also your friends, it will build your status up. In some ways, it pays to be friend-zoned a few times. This isn't that important, but it helps.

4. Break the touch barrier. Once you get comfortable with her and tease her a bit, touch her arm or giver her a pat on the back. That shows that you do not have an invisible barrier between you and her.

5. DO NOT come off as needy. That means, be persistent, but know when to back off and do your own thing. Don't call her for a few days. Distract yourself. If there is chemistry, a little space is never bad.

6. Feel good about yourself. If you need anti-depressants, take them. The worst thing is to approach a situation from a negative viewpoint. That solves nothing.

Being yourself doesn't mean giving yourself away to the lowest bidder. She has to earn your sweetness. After-all, if she was some girl that you were not attracted to, would you spend hours listening to her problems? No.

Everyone has their own tastes in a partner, and if you truly find someone in your league, you don't have to take steroids to perform. Show her that you aren't just trying to win her over because she's pretty or she turns you on. Show her that you are interested, but that you are also seeing if she's worth your time...

To recap here are the three biggest turnoffs for women. You can get away with doing it a few times, maybe even several times, but eventually it will hurt your chances:

1. Do not try and impress her. In any situation, trying to impress someone makes you appear like you are compensating for something.

2. Don't be mean, but don't do her nails while she talks about her girl problems either. Eventually, you have to draw the line before you become her therapist.

3. Don't be clingy. Show you are busy by BEING BUSY. Find what you enjoy doing and do it. Then, try and fit her in somehow.

Good luck!

Dude, PUA and other quacks have been using these techniques for years. As I tell all men who use them only very insecure girls or girls with major issues fall for them.

lol rules 1 and 2 especially are time tested hahaha, but i only really use those when i just want to get into a girl's pants and her with me. When i actually want a real relationship with a woman, my type of woman is actually not the type that would respond to games like that.

I really think that people should just be themselves so that when a potential SO does take interest in them, it'll be for the real them and not this fake thing they've setup to arbitrarily increase the attraction factor. Because eventually they'll find out that all of that wasn't the real you and then they'll be done.

That said, I do think that this is good advice overall and that you suggest some helpful things, but honestly the whole friend-zone factor is played out as a much bigger deal in people's heads than it really is. A girl is going to friend-zone you if she's not attracted to you. That's honestly the gist of it. If she's attracted to you she's not going to want to make you a friend, but instead something more. However, even if she does this, attraction can build kind of out of nowhere. Countless people end up strongly attracted to others when there was no attraction there before. As you get to know someone, sometimes they just have qualities that really turn you on, and you don't find this out until you've spent a decent amount of time with them.

Not only that, but I feel that some of the best relationships start off as 'just friends'. It's not like there this zone that if you enter you can't possibly escape. People become friends and then become more over time, and it happens quite a lot. And these couples usually have stronger relationships because they've already established that they honestly like each other for exactly who they are, and the relationship is more than just sex and hormones.

That's just how I see it at least. I'd rather just be myself and hope that someone can accept me as I am.

 

4. Break the touch barrier. Once you get comfortable with her and tease her a bit, touch her arm or giver her a pat on the back. That shows that you do not have an invisible barrier between you and her.

 

If you said anything of relevance, i would say that this was certainly one of those things. Personally, i am not interested in games myself but it sounds like you are preaching to most guys to be disinterested and tease girls if they are interested in not becoming friend-zoned. Unfortunately, this approach probably works best with little girls who are immature, not necessary with grown women who know what they want. I have been with both as young as 16 and as old as 31, my experiences has taught me that older women tend to want the attention a little more then the young girls. But hey its just my opinion.

 

A girl is going to friend-zone you if she's not attracted to you. That's honestly the gist of it. If she's attracted to you she's not going to want to make you a friend, but instead something more.

 

Yes, but i think the put that he was trying to make, was that a girl isn't going to be attracted to a clingy guy who puts up with her BS all day and doesn't want to touch her at all.

This isn't a pickup guide, and unless you're an insecure guy like me trying to relax and go with the flow, you're really not going to understand it.

It's not a game if it is part of just being "yourself". The problem is, a lot of people are not themselves, that is, they act TOO nice and over the top. Being yourself represents being independent and having standards. You protect yourself when you are hurt, and you listen when you have needs don't you? Or do you think you should sacrifice your needs for someone else? That's closer to masochism than healthy bonding.

If you think I'm wrong, don't take my advice. But, if you're like me and a lot of other people on this forum you will bounce back again and again wondering why..

Continue to sell yourself out until you break her, or she breaks you. Your call, dude.

Not many people can put up with an overly-dependent personality, unless you are a codependent type person. In that case, your issues are beyond the scope of this thread..

sounds like everything else i read on the internet...lol

Not many people can put up with an overly-dependent personality, unless you are a codependent type person. In that case, your issues are beyond the scope of this thread..

Don't sweat it man, many people are going to bash your advice because of the implications but what works works.

This isn't a pickup guide, and unless you're a super sweet guy like me, you're really not going to understand it.

 

It's not a game if it is part of just being "yourself". The problem is, a lot of people are not themselves, that is, they act TOO nice and over the top. Being yourself represents being independent and having standards. Those are the elements I tried to reflect above.

 

If you think I'm wrong, don't take my advice. But, if you're like me and a lot of other people on this forum you will bounce back again and again wondering why..

 

Continue to sell yourself out until you break her, or she breaks you. Your call, dude.

Yes. I appreciate the post. Although, the term "friend-zone" sounds a bit immature to me. This is post is not a collection of tips, but true advice. The thing is, many men alter their personality when they are trying to become close with a woman. They become different because they are worried that they themselves are not good enough. This post is saying, "No. Don't do that." Nowhere in this post does it say to be someone that you are not. To me, this post says that when you feel like you are trying too hard to be good enough, you have already lost the girl. The best thing to do is be yourself and know that yourself is already good enough.

I think that the start of a relationship is befriending a girl while letting her know that you have the potential to become intimate with her. Without intimacy, there is no relationship. And that is why heterosexual males remain only friends.

Many women reading the original post will get the wrong idea. This post should be enlightening, not because it teaches man how to become close to a woman, but because it points out ways for him to be himself as well as the reasons why he should be who he truly is.

Good post. We need more like this on here actually. It is all good advice. One thing I do have to say though, if your really hot you can be the nicest guy all day long and women will want to be with you know matter how you act. If your unattractive or average then these tips may work to have a running chance with the hot guys.

While some of this is true, a lot of advice like this contradicts several things about myself, but alas I cannot find much to outwardly disagree with from the OP. I relate the most closely with the "invisible barrier" one for whatever reason. Growing up, I never had a problem giving hugs or touching, patting back etc. but as I got older, Im almost too polite in that regard (which isnt a bad thing nessecarily) and that goes for everyone. For whatever reason, I adopted this thing that people don't want to be touched, so sometimes even when anyone goes in for a hug on me, I act surprised which makes them not as likely to and in general, if I shake someone's hand (guy or girl), I try not to hold it too long and make things awkward but I feel like bc I do so many of these things, I give them reasons to back away from me... I feel like I actually make myself out worse than I actually am... 75% of women I talk to, I'm actually not interested in in that way (I still think they're great people though) and yet I feel like around 100% of women I do come off as "love struck" even if I'm not... so it's just really annoying and something I try to work on.

You forgot: HIT THE GYM.

Most of the guys I friend zone can never get out of there because they're simply not attractive.

A nice bod can take you a long way.

There has to be initial attraction.

Good post. We need more like this on here actually. It is all good advice. One thing I do have to say though, if your really hot you can be the nicest guy all day long and women will want to be with you know matter how you act. If your unattractive or average then these tips may work to have a running chance with the hot guys.

I also appreciate the textbook approach.

People are just people... Human behaviour is pretty easy to decipher... I don't know why people think playing little games or using little techniques is stupid.

Meh.

I also appreciate the textbook approach.

People are just people... Human behaviour is pretty easy to decipher... I don't know why people think playing little games or using little techniques is stupid.

Meh.

Well, because you aren't being honest with the person that's why its stupid if you are modifying your behavior in order to generate a response which, normally you wouldn't receive if you were your normal, nervous, trying to impress, listening to someone pander self. Like people have said, a women will see through this act eventually but by then you would have already established some sort of a connection with her, so that it shouldn't matter too much.

The OP makes a good point thou, these techniques can work for guys who are having trouble establishing intimate relationships and i support that.

any of these techniques would make me (and many other woman) think you were not interested, or fickle, or flaky or a player; which in turn, would lead me to become uninterested and then I would look for another guy.

any of these techniques would make me (and many other woman) think you were not interested, or fickle, or flaky or a player; which in turn, would lead me to become uninterested and then I would look for another guy.

exactly, any woman who has any self worth will be turned off by this stuff.

I agree that "friend-zoning" mostly has to do with whether or not a girl finds you attractive. If she finds you attractive, little things like you mentioned really arent going to turn her off. If she's not attracted to you, she will friendzone you or not want to see you again. You're not going to change her mind by playing a game. Teasing her and touching her will only help if she's attracted to you to begin with. Those thigns arent going to change her attraction.

I agree with some points in the OP. As someone who has "friend-zoned" a few men in my time, I will say that lack of attraction is number one, and that can't be helped unfortunately.

But guys acting too much like your girlfriend: It's nice to be able to chat so openly with a man, but once he's allowed me to cry on his shoulder, moan about ex-boyfriends etc...then he's automatically friend-zoned himself. I just won't look at him as a romantic potential.

Another thing men have done that has caused me to see them as friends only...if they are too immature, always game for a laugh, life is one big joke, and nothing you say to them is ever taken seriously....game over. If you act like a child, then I will turn into your mother. No romance.

Finally, neediness, men who act like they have been trampled all over by life, or they have a lot of issues, complain a lot about all the bad things going on with them. I will like them, perhaps even love them as friends, but I won't go further, just because it sounds like too much to take on.

It doesn't have anything to do with being nice....it has a lot to do with acting too much like a pal in the first place.

In my opinion, this advice is good, and will work with two caveats:

To that effect, I would revise your tips as follows (my opinions in italics):

People who say ’this crap never works’ are just as bad as people who say ‘use this crap to bang girls’. Approach it with the right mindset and you will become a better person. Anyone, male or female, who has the personality traits above, is attractive. You mean you don’t find someone who likes herself, has her own opinions, is fun to talk to, has friends, wants to snuggle, and has her own happy, fulfilling life, attractive?

^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Well said kid.

And consider this line stolen

‘If we had to defend this coffee shop against a zombie horde, I’d take that corner. How about you?’

People who say ’this crap never works’ are just as bad as people who say ‘use this crap to bang girls’. Approach it with the right mindset and you will become a better person. Anyone, male or female, who has the personality traits above, is attractive. You mean you don’t find someone who likes herself, has her own opinions, is fun to talk to, has friends, wants to snuggle, and has her own happy, fulfilling life, attractive?

you are right, i find though that a lot of this advice is used the wrong way and does turn into a game. the game won't work with many woman. as long as this guy actually does get a life and act this way naturally, not to get a reaction or manipulate a situation, then ok.

Dude, PUA and other quacks have been using these techniques for years. As I tell all men who use them only very insecure girls or girls with major issues fall for them.

any of these techniques would make me (and many other woman) think you were not interested, or fickle, or flaky or a player; which in turn, would lead me to become uninterested and then I would look for another guy.

You guys do realize what you're implying, right? Re-read his post. You both basically said you want a guy who has no friends, never touches you, is needy, and doesn't feel good about themselves. If that's honestly the type of guy you want, um ... have fun is all I have to say.

And consider this line stolen

‘If we had to defend this coffee shop against a zombie horde, I’d take that corner. How about you?’

One of my go to first date conversation starters for a long time was 'What's your zombie survival plan?' Always fun