My Life- Thoughts and Happenings

Well, results came through yesterday and the cancer I had 11 years ago has metasticized in my abdomen somewhere. The doc has a treatment plan in mind and I’ll meet with him next week.

I feel hopeful for the treatment - they had done genetic testing on my cancer 11 years ago and new research and treatments have come through since then.

I’m going to have a lot of doctor appointments- which will possibly expose me to the virus, and that makes me nervous. But as the doc stated, these are necessary appointments.

In the meantime I am home the rest of the time.

Sorry to hear that luminousone. What is the treatment if you don't mind me asking? chemo?

Fingers crossed for you!

Sweetheart, I am so very sorry. You have my heart and prayers.

Oh no :((((((

Terrible news. I have hope for the new research and treatments, though. Please keep us posted.

Well, it was a matter of time. The virus has hit my mom’s care center. It was someone on the hospice side, but it likely will make its way around the building.

They have not allowed visitors for at least 2 weeks. Maybe they did in hospice though.

My mom is 99. She had had a long full life. She does have dementia. I’m just sad she has to be alone at this time. She does sleep a lot these days, so maybe she is oblivious...

News reports from the Detroit area are terrifying. It has hit that area the past 2 days!

Prayers for all healthcare workers.

They have not allowed visitors for at least 2 weeks. Maybe they did in hospice though.

 

My mom is 99. She had had a long full life. She does have dementia. I’m just sad she has to be alone at this time. She does sleep a lot these days, so maybe she is oblivious...

That's really tough. I think that's one of the worst parts of this whole situation: people not being able to visit their loved ones in the hospitals and nursing homes.

Well, it was a matter of time. The virus has hit my mom’s care center. It was someone on the hospice side, but it likely will make its way around the building.

 

They have not allowed visitors for at least 2 weeks. Maybe they did in hospice though.

 

My mom is 99. She had had a long full life. She does have dementia. I’m just sad she has to be alone at this time. She does sleep a lot these days, so maybe she is oblivious...

 

News reports from the Detroit area are terrifying. It has hit that area the past 2 days!

 

Prayers for all healthcare workers.

Prayers for your mom. How are YOU doing? Do they have a plan of action?

I am finally regaining my energy that was sapped with the last virus. I have weird symptoms - wheeziness and slight hives. The ascites fluid is still building up but at a slower pace. At some point I will need to have it drained again. But I dread going for the procedure, because it increases my possible exposure to the virus.

In the meantime, it is taking a while to get my treatment coordinated - mostly because of COVID19. So many people are working from their homes.

My insurance approved the drugs but are mailing it to me from another part of the state. So that is different. I’ll have to wipe down the box to avoid exposure to the virus.

They had me go through a class with a nurse from the cancer center (via phone) on side effects and self care. Then today the pharmacist called me and went through much of the same info. I asked a lot of questions.

I didn’t sleep well last night - I got too freaked out about my mom, the virus explosion in the Detroit area near where I grew up, having to start work from home today, and worries about my medical stuff.

A good night sleep and some meditation helped. I have to stop watching so much news.

I am braced for my mom’s inevitable death, whether it be from COVID19 or natural causes. That bracing has not changed much since before the virus. She is 99, after all, I already felt that she could go at any time. And in a sense, because she has dementia, we had already begun the long goodbye.

So, how am I? Intermittently terrified of the virus and the cancer. And then bringing myself together to focus on the “now” and what I can control in life - social distancing, healthy practices, going through treatment.

Oh sweetheart; your post makes me cry for you.

My brother called me tonight. He made me laugh a bit - I so needed that.

Then my friend J called - she filed for food stamps and unemployment today.

It helps to talk and laugh and connect with people.

And then bringing myself together to focus on the “now” and what I can control in life - social distancing, healthy practices, going through treatment.

What a terrible time to be going through so much. I wish there was something I could do for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers, regardless.

Sending you hugs, luminousone.

Sending you hugs, luminousone.

Thank you, JN!

What a terrible time to be going through so much. I wish there was something I could do for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers, regardless.

Thanks Jib.

Not that there is a good time to get cancer, but this has been difficult - because my doctors and health care professionals are distracted.

People are working from home and calling me to make appointments from their personal phones.

I was supposed to have a shot last Monday but when they called to schedule other things, there was no order for the shot. I finally called on Wednesday to have them ask the doctor- because my chemo pills came in finally. He was confused and thought I had already had the shot.

He is a great doctor- everyone is stressed out and confused. I am going to have to really advocate for myself.

Anyhow, I started the chemo pills and got the shot on Thursday - which messed up the timeline a bit for the doctor’s plans but he’ll figure it out.

My son is going to help me gather my materials and books from work tomorrow. I had to get special permission from my boss. Other employees did it last week, but I wanted to wait another week so I could get my son’s help. Also to avoid other traffic in the building.

A few doctor appointments this week, and some remote work as I feel able.

So, my neighbor has Alzheimer’s. Her husband passed away 3 years ago so she lives alone. They never had children and she does not have siblings, but her sister in law lives on the East coast.

Sister in law does not seem to be interested in caring for my neighbor at all.

The neighbor used to go grocery shopping with me every week, but obviously I had to stop doing that. I’m worried about her now as she is getting more paranoid.

But this would be a terrible time for her to go into an institution.

People are working from home and calling me to make appointments from their personal phones.

 

I was supposed to have a shot last Monday but when they called to schedule other things, there was no order for the shot. I finally called on Wednesday to have them ask the doctor- because my chemo pills came in finally. He was confused and thought I had already had the shot.

 

He is a great doctor- everyone is stressed out and confused. I am going to have to really advocate for myself.

That really stinks. Do advocate for yourself!

My boyfriend's coworker is in a similar predicament. She has a form of lung cancer and began robotic radiotherapy right as this whole thing started. This is an 80-year old lady that my boyfriend is very fond of. We take her to dinner from time to time, and now we can't even visit her because of the stupid COVID. Nobody can. I mean she just ticks all the boxes for vulnerable! So, she has to go through this whole process alone.

So sorry this is happening to you, and at this of all times. Don't give up.

Awe, that poor lady, going through that alone.

Yesterday I was scheduled to go gather work books and materials from my building. My son came with me to carry the boxes.

The building was so empty and strange. My office was a huge mess. The last time I was there was Feb 28th, and I had gone home sick that day. So I had left things strewn all over the place because I knew I was getting sick.

Anyhow, I grabbed 4 boxes of stuff to help me working from home.

It was great to see my son. We both wore masks just to be safe. But he did give me a hug. And then he went to the grocery for me.

I was tired today and so I got little work done. Hope that is not the new normal.

Tomorrow I have a few procedures scheduled at 2 different clinics. Always a risk for me to go there, but I need to.

Jib, don’t worry. I’m not giving up. I have much to live for.

A few weeks ago a resident in the hospice side at my mom’s care center passed away from COVID19. It is a different wing, though.

Well, now a staff member from hospice has contacted the virus. And since some staff work both wings, it is only a matter of time before it spreads to my mom’s wing.

I have been writing to her and sending lots of love. There is nothing else I can do. No visitors are allowed and I can’t fly in my condition anyway.

I have not told my mom about my cancer. Why worry her. I just send her lots of love. And I really feel for the dedicated staff members who are putting their own lives on the line.

A bit of a down day. I was pretty wiped for most of the day so I didn’t get much work done.

But my younger son called to check on me, so that was nice. He told me that my mother-in-law gave him a get well card for him to give to me. Apparently I mailed a get well card to her this year, and of course she can’t go shopping. So she is recycling the card right back to me. Which made me laugh. We gotta be creative, I guess...

Oh, and a woman from church called to check in on me. She didn’t know I’ve been sick. But she said that she woke up in the middle of the night and felt that she needed to call me for some reason.

She is a friend of my mother in law and I teach her grandkids in Sunday School. So we are acquaintances. Anyhow, her telling me about that “feeling” she had really took my breath away.

I am so glad you have such a caring bunch of people . ❤️

I am so glad you have such a caring bunch of people . ❤️

Me too, Sera. I really need that support right now.

I was so stunned when that lady from church told me she woke up in the middle of the night and decided to call me the next day. I really don’t know her, except as an acquaintance. It was a God wink, to remind me I am not alone. She had no idea I’m sick- I had not shared the info with my pastor yet, even. Just my family and close friends know.

I had a better day today. I had to work (from home) and I am having to learn new computer programs, so I’m going through the training modules. Slow going.

I really made sure I got to bed on time last night. It is difficult to get myself up in the morning, but I often feel a bit better by the afternoon. Yesterday I never seemed to catch any wind in my sails. I just didn’t have any energy all day.

But today was better.

I was so stunned when that lady from church told me she woke up in the middle of the night and decided to call me the next day. I really don’t know her, except as an acquaintance. It was a God wink, to remind me I am not alone. She had no idea I’m sick- I had not shared the info with my pastor yet, even.

That is so cool :)