My Life- Thoughts and Happenings

Wow, I am sorry. 😢

Well, up and down. I felt somewhat better after having had a conversation with the head boss. And I thought she heard my concerns and that I had valid points. She seemed to think we had the money, but she wanted to check.

After I went home, I checked on prices on some of the equipment, and if we got one kind (that is not ideal, but workable) it would only cost about $1600. That's it.

I was astounded. All this over that amount.

My immediate boss came in to talk with me this morning. She said that I hadn't quite convinced them and I should frame it in another way to convince we them. I told her how little it would cost to get the equipment, and her mouth just dropped. She said she thought it was in the thousands.

We both agreed that someone had some kind of agenda, whether intentional or not. And admin. took that person's word as truth. Assumptions were made regarding other employee's wishes. However, I had actually included other employees in the discussion and what she represented was not what they wanted.

When I pointed that out to admin., they said that the employees need this much of xxx. Employees told me a completely different amount, I was told that they were wrong. I remarked that they are professionals, and if they told me they need only xxx, then I trust their professional judgement. Seriously. ..

Also, my immediate boss told me that the top boss said that she didn't want to pay for the equipment just for this activity, as she thought it was a waste of money and she doesn't value the activity that I am in charge of coordinating. Oh my goodness! I was so mad when I heard that! I just wanted to quit.

And honestly, it would be far more expensive to lose me than the $1600. Gah!!!!

So, later on the day, the big boss came in to speak with me. She offered a possible solution/compromise in scheduling that would not be ideal but would somewhat work. I told her I would consider that, but that I needed to discuss with the employees for their input. I also pointed out that some equipment could be purchased for $1600. She said she would consider searching up some money for that.

We will see. So done with the game playing.

Part of the reason I now work for myself. I am so so sick of the BS.

Part of the reason I now work for myself. I am so so sick of the BS.

I know, right?

The person who is pushing her own agenda (and dragging my big boss along) is in charge of purchasing equipment and technology. So of course big boss listens to her.

I had to let go of the battle. It wasn't worth the stress, and they have major personnel issues to deal with anyway. I was offered a compromise and I took it.

My dad's memorial service was really nice. It truly honored his spirit and the wonderful man he was. My mom seemed comforted by all of our relatives that came in from all over.

I am glad that your dad was so honoured. I am glad you had/have wonderful parents and siblings.

I am glad that your dad was so honoured. I am glad you had/have wonderful parents and siblings.

Thanks Sera!

My siblings had a few squabbles while I was there (something to do with money leant to another). Sometimes grief expresses itself that way. But yes, I've been blessed with great parents and siblings.

Another one of my coworkers quit today. He was such a great worker. I'm so sad. I think it was all about money, since they just rolled out a new salary and benefit adjustment. One of my coworkers said he was not happy with how his salary ended up.

On a better note, the contracted worker we were stuck with all year will not be with us as of June.

My former mother in law had fallen and broken her hip a few weeks ago. She had surgery to replace part of her hip. She had been in the hospital, and last week at a rehab center. I went to see her Monday night.

She seemed chipper and looked good. I think she got to go home today, because she was able to go up some stairs in physical therapy.

Anyhow, I took her some flowers and visited with her a bit. She said that they had put her on some pain pills (and honestly I think she was rattled from the fall). Anyhow, she told me that she hallucinated at the care center.

She had woken up in a sweat and was really cold and for some reason she thought she was at a weather station in Northern Alaska, out in the wilderness. She was afraid she was going to die, so she called 911 on her cell phone. Somehow 911 figured out where she was, so they called the nursing station at the care center to send someone down the hall. So crazy!

They took her off those pain meds.

Oh god. A similar thing actually happened to my father when he was in the hospital.

He wasn't on pain meds, but supposedly just being in a place like that for days can actually cause temporary madness in some people. At least that's what they told me at the time!

I was there for his hallucinations. Some of them were kind of funny.

For example, he thought he lived down the street from President HW Bush and Mrs. Bush.

He thought the nurse's name tag had a picture of her dog, but it was a picture of her (unfortunately, he said, "Why do you have a picture of your dog on your badge."

Some were probably scary. For example, he thought I was abducted by terrorists and that he was feeding me water through the floor boards.

He was also obnoxious. One day he introduced me, "This is my daughter, the old maid." I was 30.

Fortunately, he didn't call 911.

Oh my gosh, that is funny! "Why do you have a picture of a dog on your name tag"

I may have posted this here already, but my dad was hallucinating last summer. He was a structural engineer, and it was all about an elevator shaft, two stories high, 9' x 12', etc. We had them change his meds too.

So glad it's the weekend.

Things are still intense at work but they are in the process of hiring new people.

I met the candidate who would be my new supervisor briefly yesterday as I came out from a staff training. I hadn't paid much attention - just that she had come in the door and no one else was there to greet her. And I was trying to get out the door since I had to be somewhere. Turns out they are close to hiring her for the supervisor position. Should have stopped to get to know her.

I've had some strange interactions with my current supervisor and I'm not sure what that was all about. I usually have a great working relationship with her (and Im going to really miss her!). I suspect the interactions are at the direction of her boss, which worries me a bit - because her boss has little idea of what I do and my worth in the job. Big boss is not leaving and will likely be training the new supervisor, and I don't want the new working relationship tainted.

In the meantime, I'm going to go back to school this summer to add certification to my degrees. Maybe that will help.

Three new employees. Actually 4. One guy has been temporary since February and they hired him permanently. It's not the most healthy environment these days, but I am hoping the drama dies down.

The temp guy- seemed pretty good at first. But then he got angry and yelled at our bookkeeper about his pay. He had signed a contract and she gave him copies and explained it to him, but I think he didn't read it and he unloaded on the bookkeeper when it didn't turn out like he wanted. Not a good sign.

I already had reservations about him. He does not answer my emails and he was also involved in the other fiasco in the fall (in a different, contracted position). Hopefully it will work out, but I'm worried about the anger outburst. And the lack of followup on crucial emails.

I think my new boss is going to be good though. I hope she brings sanity and healing to my workplace. Just 3 more weeks to go before summer break.

Sounds too stressful for me. Phew . God Bless you.

Sounds too stressful for me. Phew . God Bless you.

It has been the worst year this year on several levels. Starting in the fall with the contracted worker fiasco. Then a colleague was diagnosed with ALS and will be retiring at the end if the year. Then continued fiasco with the contract worker. And less related to me, a colleague quit and they hired a temporary person that was a disaster! (Mentally abusive with kids). So admin had to fire her and find a temp replacrment on the fly.

Then my amazing, wonderful boss gave her notice - not from anything bad, but because an opportunity for her dream job came up. (Glad for her, so sad for us). Then the big boss started dictating how I do my job - or rather, she had an office person do that. It was so disrespectful to me as a professional, and the professionals I deal with. In the midst of that my dad died, so I couldn't deal with that situation.

Then another coworker gave notice. People say because of money, but I think the interfering office staff person started dictating how that person should do his job. And she is in tight with the big boss. But- she is not my supervisor or anyone we elses. So the other guy quit, without even lining up another job. And I felt like quitting, but chose to stay because of my sweet students that need me.

So now they had hiring committees for 4 positions. I think they have all of the positions filled. I hope and pray they are good and effective coworkers. And normal.

So yes, this year has been horrific but I am looking forward to a much better year next year.

Aside from this year, I have loved my job.

So wonderful to be with my siblings. We talked so much about my dad tonight - stories about his childhood and family history.

Just got back from my niece's wedding in Las Vegas. It was great to see my sons and my siblings and even my cousins came from the East coast.

My niece has always been creative, and her ceremony was a further indication of that. It was a civil ceremony in which they had the maid of honor read the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruling on civil marriage. The best man read something from Carl Sagan's Cosmos.

I like her husband and they seem to be a great match. Her new mother in law is hilarious and a character!

Staying at a big casino hotel was not conducive for family time. It was too noisy and over stimulating and our hotel rooms were on different floors. Internet and phone service was spotty due to my lousy carrier and old phone, so texts often didn't go through until way after the fact.

Strangely I would randomly run into family members. Or I would walk right by them and not notice, only to have them tap me on the shoulder (yep, I walked by my own son and didn't notice).

My older son brought his girlfriend who is really nice, bright, and personable. They have been seeing each other since last fall. He lives in California so I don't see him very often.

We all grieved my dad - and felt bad my mom couldn't come (there was no way, with her dementia).

The weather was great - cooler than normal for Vegas this time of year, but nice and warm and sunny. Now I'm chilled at home in Oregon because it is cloudy and cool with rain expected.

My younger son took an extra day off of university to fly out with me. He is getting serious about his music, and played a song for me that he wrote - and it was good! (I'm ashamed to say that I was surprised...)

Now I'm home and I have a lot of cleaning, laundry, food prep, and other things to do to get ready for the week.

My cat is happy I'm home, and I am happy there were no dead mice/birds/rats brought into the house when I was gone.

Yesterday morning there was a baby deer separated from its momma in the back field of my work. The momma was on the other side of the fence. My coworkers corralled the baby and caught it and put it on the other side of the fence. It was really little - likely very young.

Oh good! Poor guy.

Went and picked strawberries today. They are very yummy! I had picked some last week too, but then took some to a potluck. So I went for more. I now have some in the freezer and some fresh for now.

Wasn't sure if they would be okay, because we had a killer-hot couple of days last week - 99 degrees F.

I was so sapped by the week and the heat that I actually went to bed at 8:45 last night. A few more days of work next week and then I'm on a vacation break. I am so ready!

But - I am looking toward new beginnings. My boss will be leaving next week (so sad - she was great) and new one starts next week. One colleague retired - was diagnosed with a degenerative disease and wants to spend time with family. Another colleague quit. And another one was transfered elsewhere (she was a cobtracted employee from elsewhete and was a disaster!!). So a lot of hiring has been happening. I truly hope it all comes together!

Younger son is home for summer break, but he chose to go to his dad's. I told him he needs to spend half the summer with me, too. So he will move over to my place halfway through.

That will give me time to work on my house and yard a bit.

I'm on a vacation break. I was so exhausted from the terrible work year that I was really looking forward to a break. Sorely needed!

But. I have so much to do - delayed yard maintenance, delayed house maintenance, delayed housework, for that matter.

The yard work - I have blackberry vines that are overtaking my yard and I decided to have professionals take it out. I just can't keep up with it.

For some reason I have avoided calling anyone for a bid. I had 3 people bid on the job last year, but all 3 felt it was more than they could handle. So I need to call the pros. And it will cost me bucks.

I just have to take the plunge and do what I need to do.

I've slept so much this week, and honestly instead of enjoying my time off I have felt depressed and unmotivated.

I think part of it is the fact that I'm now an empty nester. Older son moved out of state and younger son is with his dad for half the summer. They used to help me out with some of those projects.

I do have lots of friends and I do keep busy with hiking and other activities.

I just... have been lethargic and unmotivated.

I did make a list today and at least I cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, and cleaned and took care of some peaches and nectarines I needed to prepare. So maybe that's a start.

It is just weird to feel such a slump when I'm on a break. I guess that's because I put so much heart and soul into my work. But I need to get some home stuff done!

I'm glad I did at least a little bit today.

Enjoy some down time too!!!

Enjoy some down time too!!!

I will, Sera, I will.

Part of the problem was that I couldn't get out of bed or off the couch. So that meant not even doing fun stuff.

I'll get through it.

I had taken antidepressants for a few years and it didn't seem to make a difference at all. Except then I started to have memory issues (probably a combination of that med and the hormone blocker cancer med I was taking). So I stopped both meds after a discussion with my oncologist.

My fun things, upcoming: a pub crawl on a pedal powered bar vehicle. A hike to some waterfalls. Camping at the coast. A murder mystery dinner. So yeah, I can do fun. Just struggling with self care and home responsibilities.

I think, ultimately, I'm missing having a life partner to share the fun, the mundane, and the burdens. So when I have time off it is very apparent.