My Life- Thoughts and Happenings

That's the worst, a passive aggressive, immature coworker. I say passive aggressive because she's never going to admit that she is the one with a problem. And with a new boss, I can see how this situation could be extra stressful.

I know. Sigh. I was so hopeful.

At least she is competent. Last year was such a disaster.

We don't have to keep her on after the contract ends. But it could be so much worse - we know that, first-hand. So we will probably keep her. We were so spoiled by the guy that retired. He is enjoying his grandson and fishing, I hear.

My friend C cancelled for our walk tomorrow. Her dog is sick and they're going to the vet.

I obviously would have cancelled anyway, since I'm sick.

Had another task scheduled for tonight and tomorrow night, but I asked someone to cover for me and she will. Otherwise I would have had to go help a friend after 9 tonight. Fortunately some one else will help her.

Had a quiet Christmas in Michigan with various family members. My oldest son popped in for 4 days, but worked remotely for 2 of those days, so I really didn’t get to see him much.

Younger son and I had a nice visit, and I was able to spend time with my nephew too.

Crazy mild weather in Michigan - in the 50s F during the day! So strange.

Glad to be home now with another week off.

Had a quiet Christmas in Michigan with various family members. My oldest son popped in for 4 days, but worked remotely for 2 of those days, so I really didn’t get to see him much.

 

Younger son and I had a nice visit, and I was able to spend time with my nephew too.

 

Crazy mild weather in Michigan - in the 50s F during the day! So strange.

 

Glad to be home now with another week off.

Hey, at least you got to see our Son and Nephew - right? I hope you don't mind me posting in your thread!

I like a quiet Holiday, and I had my Son (16) for the week. He went skiing with his friends because I hurt my back, but typically we do all sort s of activities together. I'm happy as long as he is happy!

Had a quiet Christmas in Michigan with various family members. My oldest son popped in for 4 days, but worked remotely for 2 of those days, so I really didn’t get to see him much.

 

Younger son and I had a nice visit, and I was able to spend time with my nephew too.

 

Crazy mild weather in Michigan - in the 50s F during the day! So strange.

 

Glad to be home now with another week off.

Christmas Day was super warm here too.

Glad you go to spend time with your family. 😊

I have another week off too.

Hey, at least you got to see our Son and Nephew - right? I hope you don't mind me posting in your thread! Some people (I won't mention names (Seraphim), but some people want to post about how bad life treats them, but can't stand to have anyone comment on their 'victim" mentality! LOL.

 

I like a quiet Holiday, and I had my Son (16) for the week. He went skiing with his friends because I hurt my back, but typically we do all sort s of activities together. I'm happy as long as he is happy!

Yes, of course, I am happy to have had what moments I could. Older son lives in another state now and has a job and a girlfriend, so I am adjusting to the changes that come with that.

I will see him in January (with girlfriend too) for a long weekend, but I urged my son to focus his stay mostly on his dad and grandparents, because they have not seen him for 1 1/2 years. Nor have they met his lovely gf.

Younger son is in school elsewhere in the state, but I saw him for half of last summer and all last week. He went off to his dad’s today.

Of course you are welcome to respond in my journal, as is anyone, as long as it is respectful. I am often surprised that anyone comes to my corner, because my life is rather mundane and quiet these days, and not the most interesting read. (Aside from my stories of the occasional dead animals my cat brings in the cat door to gift me.)

And Camber, sorry to hear about your family dynamics. I just read through your thread on that. My advice to you - you will not be able to change your relatives, but you can change how you respond to their dysfunctional interactions. Head high and go the high road. If they never call you first, then you be the one to call. When they omit your partner from greetings and interactions, simply respond by including her in your response as if they had included her.

Example: “Camber, hope you had a nice Xmas”. Your response will include your partner’s name- “Oh, thank you! Annie and son and I had a wonderful time together. Annie and I wish you a very Happy New Year too “

Don’t try to change them because that is wasted effort - they will just twist it around on you somehow. And being the youngest somehow gives older siblings license for bossing you around or not taking you seriously.

When they try to lay guilt on you, use active listening techniques and paraphrase their feelings back with great “empathy”, but not taking responsibility for their feelings. But also not judging them for feeling that way.

Just know that parents don’t live forever. My sweet dad passed away last spring at nearly 101, which was a crazy long life! I do miss him, but am grateful for the time we had with him.

My mom will be 99 in a few months. She has dementia and very few words with which to communicate, so it is almost like she is gone. I miss talking with her and all of her wisdom. Years ago I would never have said that, as she was the master at doling out guilt and trying to interfere.

Once I changed how I reacted to her - basically I respectfully thanked her but did things my way - then she started treating me in a better way. I was as even keel as I could be, which took the power away from her negative interactions with me.

A good book for you to read to explore how to work toward your own self strength while being bombarded with criticism is: The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.

Hey, at least you got to see our Son and Nephew - right? I hope you don't mind me posting in your thread! Some people (I won't mention names (Seraphim), but some people want to post about how bad life treats them, but can't stand to have anyone comment on their 'victim" mentality! LOL.

 

I like a quiet Holiday, and I had my Son (16) for the week. He went skiing with his friends because I hurt my back, but typically we do all sort s of activities together. I'm happy as long as he is happy!

Hope your back heals up fast.

Christmas Day was super warm here too.

 

Glad you go to spend time with your family. 😊

 

I have another week off too.

Oh my goodness! I had packed extra layers in my suitcase but didn’t need them!

I did enjoy the mild weather though.

I guess you and your family have not had to do much snow removal this year...

Wishing you a very restful time off with your family, Sera.

Oh my goodness! I had packed extra layers in my suitcase but didn’t need them!

 

I did enjoy the mild weather though.

 

I guess you and your family have not had to do much snow removal this year...

 

Wishing you a very restful time off with your family, Sera.

Yeah, none yet. But with my business now I don’t go out on calls anymore. I am so glad for the time off. I was exhausted.

So, I went to the care center each day to see my mom. Last time I saw her was in March, at my dad’s memorial, so I expected to see changes. And I did.

The best time to see her was at mealtime, because she tends to sleep much of the day. Her motor movements are not much coordinated and have gone down since last March. But she is still mostly feeding herself.

Because of aspiration pneumonia recently, they have her on a blended food diet now. Liquids have to be thickened and all solid foods have to be baby good consistency. But she seemed to be hungry - and perhaps even unaware of the difference at this point.

Usually my visits were with siblings or with my son(s) and nephew. Since my mom cannot carry a conversation, it is helpful to have a conversation with someone else and my mom listens in.

My brothers are frequent enough visitors so they know many of the residents’ names, and they often converse with them too. And they have gotten to know family members of other residents in the wing.

They also know the likely escape artists. The first day I was there last week, my brothers pushed in the code for the entrance to the wing and held the door open for me. But a resident must have been standing right there by the door and she started to walk out. Fortunately my brother corralled her back in, telling her that her husband was in there looking for her. She sarcastically replied, “I don’t think so”. But we got her back inside.

Last year one woman became close with another resident in the wing. I thought they were a married couple visiting. They seemed to have very coherent conversations. Turns out they were both residents. The big problem was that she was married, but she had forgotten. So they moved him to another wing.

I’m not sure my mom knew who I was, but I think she enjoyed the attention.

I am glad my boys saw what it is like to have dementia, and the kind of care needed for that. I really hate to envision myself at that level when I am that age (if I am blessed to live that long). But my sons need to know what to do and what to expect.

My FIL is up all night and asleep most of the day. It was a sad visit this year. If the staff tries to feed him he spits it out. Then I hear stories of this massively communicative lively person from my MIL and SIL. But we never see it. I am starting to think they are in severe denial.

My FIL is up all night and asleep most of the day. It was a sad visit this year. If the staff tries to feed him he spits it out. Then I hear stories of this massively communicative lively person from my MIL and SIL. But we never see it. I am starting to think they are in severe denial.

They may be. But also, my mom has good days and then the next one she might be out of it.

We had a nice conversation with one of the residents at lunch one day while she fed herself. The next day she was completely out of it and hardly ate a thing.

Honestly, it sounds as if he may not last more than 3-6 months, unless he was just having a bad day when you saw him.

Dear Lord, we are at that age and stage now with our parents... I’m about 10 years older than you, but that is where I’m at these days.

They may be. But also, my mom has good days and then the next one she might be out of it.

 

We had a nice conversation with one of the residents at lunch one day while she fed herself. The next day she was completely out of it and hardly ate a thing.

 

Honestly, it sounds as if he may not last more than 3-6 months, unless he was just having a bad day when you saw him.

 

Dear Lord, we are at that age and stage now with our parents... I’m about 10 years older than you, but that is where I’m at these days.

Yeah, my husband’s parents were very close to 40 when he was born and he is 50 so they are at least 12-15 years older than my parents.

I don’t think my father-in-law has a lot left he’s probably lost I would say 100 pounds. And I mean he’s always been an incredibly defiant man but now he still incredibly defiant even to the point of spitting out food if they try to help him. And of course kicks and swears at people because they are not supposed to be “in his house”. I really don’t think he has a lot left either and neither does my husband. And as much trouble as I have had with my in-laws it brought me to tears. It’s very hard to see a proud independent man like that. And of course the pain that brought to my husband and my son. My son was also moved to tears and he does not readily like to display emotion.

It is so sad for all of us. ❤️

Yeah, my husband’s parents were very close to 40 when he was born and he is 50 so they are at least 12-15 years older than my parents.

 

I don’t think my father-in-law has a lot left he’s probably lost I would say 100 pounds. And I mean he’s always been an incredibly defiant man but now he still incredibly defiant even to the point of spitting out food if they try to help him. And of course kicks and swears at people because they are not supposed to be “in his house”. I really don’t think he has a lot left either and neither does my husband. And as much trouble as I have had with my in-laws it brought me to tears. It’s very hard to see a proud independent man like that. And of course the pain that brought to my husband and my son. My son was also moved to tears and he does not readily like to display emotion.

 

It is so sad for all of us. ❤️

I’m so sorry, Sera. It is heart wrenching to go through.

Well, I’m home now and on a different time zone so I was asleep by 8:30 last night. But I did wake up at midnight to the sound of fireworks and big bangs. It startled my cat! Happy New Year!

Went for a long walk today with my friend C and her dog. We saw blue skies and cloudy skies, sunshine and rain showers. And a rainbow. It was a beautiful walk and we also saw a bald eagle and several herons.

I’m so sorry, Sera. It is heart wrenching to go through.

It must be hard to see your mom as she is now too.

I think what is hard, is not being able to talk with her. I miss those talks, as she has lost the ability to speak and reason due to her dementia.

It is definitely a long goodbye. With the dementia diagnosis, the progression is expected. So I expect to see her the way she is.

She is mostly well cared for. She has lived a very long life - she will be 99 years old next month!

I think what is hard, is not being able to talk with her. I miss those talks, as she has lost the ability to speak and reason due to her dementia.

 

It is definitely a long goodbye. With the dementia diagnosis, the progression is expected. So I expect to see her the way she is.

 

She is mostly well cared for. She has lived a very long life - she will be 99 years old next month!

That is a very long life! Both your parents had a remarkable life!

My FIL can’t have a conversation now either.

Good week at work. I also found out today that I will have a fill time helper next year so that will be huge.

I am happy to have a 3 day weekend ahead of me. My oldest son flew in today with his gf. I haven’t seen them yet - they are staying at my sons’ dad’s place. My in-laws live there too, so I’m glad they are able to catch up.

At some point the two will spend a night or two here. I need to get up off of my rear and finish cleaning up the house. I’m excited to see at least one of my sons. My other son is at University and can’t make it.

Last week I went on a hike through a park, and somehow we saw a cat way up in a tree. It was in the crotch of the tree at a very strange angle. At first we thought it was stalking something below, because it was very still. But then as we stood watching it for a few minutes we realized it was likely stuck. In fact, it never moved its tail or ears or head. I thought I saw it blink it’s eyes, though.

My friend called the non emergency police number, and they said they would only send someone if it was injured. By then it had been ten minutes and I thought maybe it was dead or paralyzed.

I took pictures and did a screenshot of the map where we were, pictures of the cat, pictures of junctions of the trail.

And then we moved on.

On our way out of the park we saw the park host moving out of his cabin, as he had found a new job and place to live. But I showed him the pictures and he had me text them to him so he could text the group of volunteers that feed the feral cats and maybe they could do something.

My friend C went hiking through there this week and she said it was gone and there was evidence that someone had cut a trail into the ravine to get to the tree. I’m thinking it was dead, and I’m glad it was taken care of. Likely it was dropped into the tree by an eagle, as eagles live in that park. Poor cat.

So my last piece of news - my friend J texted me yesterday to tell me that her brother took his life on Wednesday. She was in shock. It was premeditated, as there was a note and he had planned what they should do with his ashes, and then he drove a ways out of town and gave up on life.

So now both her parents and 2 younger brothers have died in the last 5 years and she is devastated. She is the last one, except her nephews.

Surprisingly she is taking it better than when her other brother died from a heart attack unexpectedly. But of course she is in grief and shock.

The one that took his life had some sort of undiagnosed mental illness (likely bipolar) and was quite angry and abusive to everyone around him. So really he had alienated family and friends. So very sad and tragic.

Ack! My cat brought in a mostly alive rat through the cat door. I shoved him outside three times and he brought it back in 3 times. I finally chased him down the driveway so I hope that’s it.

Ack! My cat brought in a mostly alive rat through the cat door. I shoved him outside three times and he brought it back in 3 times. I finally chased him down the driveway so I hope that’s it.

He just has no idea how gross that is LOL.