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Thread: My Life- Thoughts and Happenings

  1. #2701
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    My friend J (the one in a condo ) had recently reconnected with her former coworker/friend from 20 years ago. He told her he is in the hospital and is dying, due to deterioration of the heart.

    She is very distraught about this. He lives in another state, but they have been talking on the phone every night for 3 hours, so now she says she has fallen in love with him. I'm so worried about her mental health - in a way this seems like a diversion from her own deep troubles.

    I've known her for 30 years, and have never seen her so tenuous in her mental health. I mean this guy is going to die unless he gets a heart transplant. So, I see the disaster in the making.

    This is my friend whose dad died of dementia 4 years ago, then her mom died of dementia and strokes 1 year ago. Then her brother died (very unexpectedly) 1 month later of a heart attack. She went through deep depression for a year, and I was just seeing some improvement until she started running out of money.

    She has one brother left, but he seems to have bipolar disorder - at least we think he does. Because he goes through periods of accusing her and others of crazy stuff, and he won't speak to her for a while. For example, he accused his step dad of colluding with his ex wife to block him from custody of his boys.

    The only thing wrong with that theory - his sons are in their late 20s and are in the armed services, stationed elsewhere far away. They just choose not to communicate much with their dad because he was so abusive and unpredictable while they were growing up.

    I'm just worried about her - and also me, because I am pretty much her support system, if something happens to her.

  2. #2702
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Your cat is teaching you to hunt. 😂
    Haha! .....

  3. #2703
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by luminousone
    He lives in another state, but they have been talking on the phone every night for 3 hours, so now she says she has fallen in love with him. I'm so worried about her mental health - in a way this seems like a diversion from her own deep troubles.
    That's what it sounds like. What can you do for her, though? Is she perhaps a member of a church? Maybe you could reach out to members of that congregation?

  4. #2704
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    That's what it sounds like. What can you do for her, though? Is she perhaps a member of a church? Maybe you could reach out to members of that congregation?
    She is an active member of a congregation/community, so there is that.

    She called me this afternoon while I was just finishing up work, because she had an idea. She was thinking of flying down to California to see him. The thing is - she has no money so she would have to charge it. And, she has only temp work, so if she isn't available to work, she gets no pay.

    Already she hasn't worked enough days for her next paycheck to pay her mortgage or health insurance expenses.

    She called a few friends for advice. One said to go for it. The other asked her what a personal visit would do when she could say things over the phone to say her goodbyes.

    I asked her lots of questions, reminded her of her mortgage payment, and told her to say anything she would want to say to him in case he should die tonight. I also pointed out that she could make plans to go down, but he might die before she gets there.

    Now she is thinking she might fly down when he gets better and then drive him up to Oregon to recuperate at her place.

    I said she will be no good to him if she ends up homeless and out of work. And she agreed.

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  6. #2705
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    Okay, first the rat/mouse issue. Now the little tiny ants are moving in. Hadn't seen any in my house for a few years. Ack.

  7. #2706
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    My younger son came home, did a load of laundry, and ate a bunch of dinner. I took him shopping for some food to take back to school. Nice to see him unexpectedly this evening.

  8. #2707
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    My friend J...
    Now she is planning to live with that guy, once he is out of the hospital. She is planning on getting him on the heart transplant list, then after he has a transplant and once he has recovered enough, she will move him up to Portland to live with her.

    He asked her to marry him.

    They have not actually seen each other for 20 years - these are plans from over the phone.

    I have never seen her so out of touch with reality, and I've known her for 30 years.

    I keep telling her to enjoy right now, rather than making these elaborate plans. The guy is likely going to die in the next few months. But she is in a state of euphoria with all the "plans" to get him fixed up and better, so they can be a couple.

  9. #2708
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    My older son is going to fly here for his grandma's birthday in a month. Yay!

  10. #2709
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    My friend texted me last night to say that she thinks her "boyfriend" is dying after all.

    He has been in the hospital down in California and she lives in Oregon.

    She had all these plans of moving him up here, getting him on a heart transplant list, and she would be his caregiver.

    I think his organs are shutting down. I believe he has diabetes too. So, pretty medically fragile.

    I've been trying to guide her toward reality, but she wouldn't listen. I think she is finally facing reality now.

    I'll call her tonight to see if she wants to talk.

  11. #2710
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    Went to my oncologist today. One more appointment next year, and then he'll release me. I'm ten years out!


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