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Thread: Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

    I like reading through forums like this because I think about relationships a lot. Sometimes other people's posts make me think about and understand my own experiences. I am constantly examining and re-examining myself. Writing helps me to do this. But I don't want to write my own thoughts all over someone else's thread. So, I am creating this thread for my internal dialog. Please feel free to contribute to the conversation if you are inclined! The interaction is helpful. And I like it.

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Of course, now that I've made this thread I have no thoughts....

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    When I was about 28, I started to date a man that I worked with. I knew he was kind of a scoundrel, but we got along very well and there was chemistry. Things between us started out very slowly. I was not comfortable with the situation, and pulled back a number of times, but he always managed to pull me back in. Finally, after about eight months, the thing we had going actually started to morph into a bona fide relationship.

    Then he disappeared. He didn't answer my calls. He didn't show up for work for two weeks. I didn't know what to think. I was worried. I spoke to my boss about it and realized that she knew something. So, I told her everything. And then SHE told ME everything! Turns out his WIFE, who lived eight hours away, had a BABY!!!

    So, I was pissed (but no longer worried). When he finally returned to work, I acted surprised just like everyone else. I never betrayed my boss. He and I had a couple of heated discussions after that, mainly about what an assh*le he was. Then one day he said to me, "I'm thinking of moving down there to my wife. If you tell me to go, I will." I said, "Go." And he did.

    When his last day came, I said, "Let's talk after work." I wanted to say good bye to him. He was somebody that I liked as a person, even though for some reason he couldn't conduct himself like a decent human being. I wanted to say good bye to the person I liked.

    Here is where I have to break the narrative and explain that, on this particular day, I was driving the sh*ttiest little Dodge Neon you've ever seen. My car was in the shop (another story), and this was the loaner that they gave me. The poor thing looked SAD. It was small, grey, dented, and sad. When the Guy-I-Previously-Dated saw that car he said, "Oh man, I saw that car before and I felt bad for whoever was driving it!!"

    Ok, back to the story:

    He and I drove to a nearby park and found a nice, quiet gazebo. I don't remember what we said to each other. What I do remember is that the sky clouded over and it poured rain. There was a terrible thunder and lightening storm, and he and I sat there, my back on his chest and his arms around me. Then the storm ended and the rain ended and we went our separate ways. Him in his fancy hot rod and me in my P.O.S Dodge Neon. And right as I pulled away, this song came on.

    I didn't want to post this long story on the Music Lyrics that Wreck You thread. But this song kinda does it for me. Not because I miss the guy or anything, but because the timing was so perfect. It was just what I needed to hear at that moment. Like a gift.

    The Rose
    Bette Midler

    Some say love, it is a river
    that drowns the tender reed.
    Some say love, it is a razor
    that leaves your soul to bleed.

    Some say love, it is a hunger
    an endless aching need.
    I say love, it is a flower
    and you its only seed.

    It's the heart afraid of breaking
    that never learns to dance,
    It's the dream afraid of waking,
    that never takes the chance.

    It's the one who won't be taken,
    who cannot seem to give
    and the soul afraid of dying,
    that never learns to live.

    When the night has been too lonely
    and the road has been too long,
    and you think that love is only
    for the lucky and the strong.

    Just remember in the winter,
    far beneath the bitter snows
    lies the seed
    that with the sun's love
    in the spring
    becomes the rose

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I am glad you started a journal, Jibralta.
    I'll be following

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    I really like that you believe you learn from reading about/hearing about others' relationship experiences. Me too. Thinking about my relationships now is so different than when I was looking for the forever relationship but the thinking/absorbing doesn't stop for me, just changes in focus.

    My son started asking about divorce the other night because I am friendly with the mom and the dad- divorced -of a new friend of his and he really doesn't know much about divorce (he is 8). I told him about his friend Z's situation including his dad's new wife, who we recently met and he said "Are you and Daddy ever going to get divided?" Wow. I loved that word "divided" that he came up with. He asked me to assure him that we never would and I did my very best to do that.

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=reinventmyself;6832507]I am glad you started a journal, Jibralta.
    I'll be following

    Thanks, reinventmyself. Glad to have you

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I really like that you believe you learn from reading about/hearing about others' relationship experiences. Me too. Thinking about my relationships now is so different than when I was looking for the forever relationship but the thinking/absorbing doesn't stop for me, just changes in focus.
    Yes, I feel the same way! I'm looking at the same issues, but from a slightly different perspective.

    Originally Posted by Batya33
    My son started asking about divorce the other night because I am friendly with the mom and the dad- divorced -of a new friend of his and he really doesn't know much about divorce (he is 8). I told him about his friend Z's situation including his dad's new wife, who we recently met and he said "Are you and Daddy ever going to get divided?" Wow. I loved that word "divided" that he came up with. He asked me to assure him that we never would and I did my very best to do that.
    Yes, "divided" is really what it is!

    I had a similar experience to your son when I was 5 or 6. I was standing on the front lawn of my friends' house when a car pulled up. A woman got out of the car, totally enraged, and stormed up to the father screaming at him. It was such a scene. Everybody stopped playing and even the neighbors across the street stopped what they were doing and stared. The little girl next to me whispered, "They're getting a divorce." Once I clarified that "divorce" meant a dividing of the parents, I immediately thought of my parents and how I didn't want that to happen to us.

    I'm sure I asked my parents a bunch of questions about it when I got home. I used to hear them screaming at each other at night, and I knew that sometimes my father didn't come home at all. I had a reason to be worried. A memory that's still clear in my mind: Not long after the incident with my friends' parents, my mom and dad were both home and we were spending time on the back deck. I asked them, "Are you ever going to get divorced?" I'm sure they both reassured me that they wouldn't, but the looks on their faces said it all!

    Their divorce started a couple years later. There was nothing I could do. The worst was happening and I had to accept it. Such is life.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    I saw The Last Unicorn in the theater when I was a little kid. It was a little over my head, and the unicorn wasn't really drawn to my liking, but I loved it.

    When I was 13, I finally found a copy of the book in a used book store. I read it and enjoyed it, but like the movie it was a little over my head.

    Since then, I've reread the book a million times. It's become a great favorite of mine, and I think this modest, unusual cartoon movie really captured its beauty and meaning (despite some really terrible and unnecessary singing).

    There were a couple of serious actors in the movie, including Jeff Bridges, Angela Lansbury, Mia Farrow, and Derek Jacobi.

    This here is one of my favorite scenes, where the late great Christopher Lee speaks life into Peter Beagle's lovely prose. I loved him in this role. He was perfect.

    [video=youtube;wrnd086ObDo] ]

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Speaking of childhood favorites.... I hear they are remaking The Dark Crystal!

  11. #10
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    You still have the "kid in you". That's nice!

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