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Thread: Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

  1. #7011
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    I think its safe to say her true colors have come out. I like to think people put their best foot forward for a little while after any awkwardness or nervousness in the first few dates goes away before someone lets her hair down, and if this is her best foot forward....i would be a little apprehensive when she lets her hair down.

  2. #7012
    Platinum Member sophie274's Avatar
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    I think you already have more than enough information regarding her alcohol use without discussing it with her. What could she possibly say that would change your mind about her use of alcohol being problematic?

    I wouldn’t bother asking her to abide by any “rules” or requests regarding how she consumes alcohol with you or around you - I think if you’re at that point while only casually seeing each other, this will continue to be an issue. I’m not usually one for writing people off, but she has a pattern of substance use that’s clearly unhealthy and incompatible with your views/expectations. I think that’s certainly going to be the nail in the coffin for this relationship, whether now or down the road ... from my perspective, why waste your time trying to change her when you must know it won’t be successful ? I don’t mean for that to sound harsh, but it’s just extraordinarily unlikely that she will go from drinking all day, am and pm, to becoming a moderate drinker just because you ask her to. She surely knows her drinking is excessive.

  3. #7013
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    NEELA came over this past Wednesday, cheerful and seemed sober. She did, however, bring a HUGE bottle of tequila and two big bottles of margarita mix. However, she didn’t pick the sizes; her coworkers got them for her. As it turned out, she didn’t like the taste of the finished product, and only drank about 1.5 glasses, so she only got mildly buzzed.

    In any case, we talked while I finished making dinner, chatted while eating dinner at the table (no TV this time, a first), then we took a 45-minute walk around my neighborhood. She was goofy at times, but it was a pleasant evening overall.

    We went to bed around 11:30pm, she initially seemed reluctant to have sex so I backed off, but she eventually initiated about 15 minutes later, then again in the morning (making her late for work; her choice). She didn’t sleep very well, though, tossing & turning, huffing & puffing all night. She gave me a very sweet kiss in the morning and seemed reluctant to leave.

    Last night she texted to say she “already misses” me, and to ask what time my band plays next week. I invited her over for tonight.

  4. #7014
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Well, this is all promising, assuming you want to be in a relationship with Neela. Because that's what this is.

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  6. #7015
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    I don't believe for a second her coworkers got that for her -do you? And if so where does she work -is it really possible someone who is a day drinker isn't known as a drinker by her coworkers? Guess so but seems unlikely and if so why would they buy her alcohol like that?

    I don't think you have to be concerned about labels. She's coming to your place to drink, hang, have sex. She's getting attached to you and her choice to be buzzed/drunk probably makes her feel more attached. It doesn't mean it's a relationship at all in the sense of a romantic relationship, with a commitment, etc.

  7. #7016
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    NEELA came over this past Friday night and immediately started drinking the tequila she had left there. We ended up eating at the table and talking, then went to bed around 11:30 or so. She initiated some groping & mutual masturbation, but told me to stop after about 5 minutes.

    At first I thought I had done something wrong, but it turned out she had too much tequila and, through very slurring speech, told me thought she was going to throw up. So for several hours we tried to doze off, but she’d want water, need to sit up, check how she was feeling, lay back down, then repeat. I got a bucket out, but she never did actually throw up.

    Sometime early in the morning she felt okay enough to initiate sex, but I was trying to sleep and wasn’t really prepared for it given the previous few hours, so I just played opossum until she gave up.

    In the morning she had to go to a laser facial appointment, but she returned around 12:30pm for lunch and a short hike. I told her that she’d drunk too much the night before and was being really annoying, she apologized profusely and good-naturedly, and said she wasn’t going to drink tequila anymore

    She didn’t drink the rest of of the day, and we had a nice 90 minute hike (wherein she proclaimed that I was “the best!” several times), followed by dinner at a Thai restaurant I suggested and that she liked a lot, got home, watched COP LAND and a couple of 30-minute food documentaries (her choice) then went to bed. She left the next morning after we had sex.

    So Friday night kinda sucked but Saturday made up for it.

    She came over again last night, bringing some tasty “maafe” (Sengalese stew) she had made, with rice and some stir-fried cabbage; really good meal! She also brought over a 4-pack of ginger beer for me since I had mentioned liking it a few weeks ago, which was very sweet.

    She had had at least one beer beforehand, and she drank a few glasses of wine that evening along with a puff of marijuana, but she was fun and not annoying or out of it. We had dinner at the table and chatted, then watched the first half of NEVER LET ME GO because she mentioned liking the book. We had sex that night, then again this morning.

    The best part about last night, though, was that I had some minor ex-friend drama to vent about and she was a great listener, and she expressed interest in some of the music and movie trivia I brought up, even making it clear that she understood why I collected so many blu-rays.

    She also admitted she’d tried many years ago to take up several different hobbies, but none of them took.

    So I’m still skeptical about our longterm prospects, but for now it’s nice to have someone there for me outside of work and my band. The alcohol could be a problem in the future, but she took my comments about it well on Saturday, so I think she realizes she shouldn't get too wasted around me.

  8. #7017
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    NEELA came to my band’s show the past Saturday (for an all-nighter event), and even though she didn’t know anybody, she either kept to herself without being clingy, or interacted well with people who talked to her. By the end of the night, she had been talking to some girl who was really drunk, and to her credit NEELA insisted we take her home for safety reasons, which was good: NEELA ended up having to almost carry her to the girl’s 2nd floor apartment. But she didn’t complain a bit. That kind of altruism impressed me about NEELA.

    We got home late & tired, then slept late and stayed at my place the next day. I think she wanted to have sex, but I was simply too exhausted so we just enjoyed TV and food… a low key but relaxing time. Though it bums me out she doesn’t really like movies much, so we’re kinda stuck on foodie-type shows.

    Last night she came over, we went out to eat, came home, had sex, she slept over, we had sex in the morning.

    All in all I find myself being a little bored by her, and she tends to be rather silly and a bit scatterbrained when it comes to conversations. But she’s smart, consistent in meeting up (no flakiness at all), seems to enjoy my company, and can be pretty fun a good portion of the time. That’s worth it for now.

  9. #7018
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    What kind of foodie shows are you into? My guy really likes Master Chef and I've been pulled into watching it with him a time or two.

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