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Thread: Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

  1. #6951
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    I thought ND meant he thought she lied about her age perhaps? Or in addition to looking older?

  2. #6952
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I thought ND meant he thought she lied about her age perhaps? Or in addition to looking older?
    Yeah, I have a feeling she did lie about her age. Looked older than me.

    Anyway, I've been rejected by so many women who knew nothing more about me than the way I look that I'm not going to flagellate myself for doing the same thing to some of them. Especially when they got a free dinner and sparkling conversation out of the deal, when I've so rarely received either.

  3. #6953
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    Then don’t do dinner. Do coffee and a walk maybe ?

  4. #6954
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Then don’t do dinner. Do coffee and a walk maybe ?
    Nah. I don't drink coffee and I want dinner.

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  6. #6955
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    What is it, ideally, that you're hoping for from these dates and dating in general? No judgments, just kind of curious.

  7. #6956
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    What is it, ideally, that you're hoping for from these dates and dating in general? No judgments, just kind of curious.
    I want a monogamous relationship with a responsible, smart, good-hearted interesting woman whom I'm attracted to, with the intention of a LTR and/or marriage.

    The problem is finding someone who meets that criteria who also feels the same way about me, and every person out there dating faces the same challenge.

    But as I've been on this track for years now, I'll take what I can get. No use raising the bar higher and higher when the returns continue to diminish. If a FWB is all I can get, that's what I'll take. Beggars can't be choosers.

  8. #6957
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    Originally Posted by NorthDallas40
    I want a monogamous relationship with a responsible, smart, good-hearted interesting woman whom I'm attracted to, with the intention of a LTR and/or marriage.

    The problem is finding someone who meets that criteria who also feels the same way about me, and every person out there dating faces the same challenge.

    But as I've been on this track for years now, I'll take what I can get. No use raising the bar higher and higher when the returns continue to diminish. If a FWB is all I can get, that's what I'll take. Beggars can't be choosers.
    I've gone the other way -- i want what I want and am not accepting less in the interim.

    Couldn't say that one is better than the other.

  9. #6958
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    I've gone the other way -- i want what I want and am not accepting less in the interim.

    Couldn't say that one is better than the other.
    My preferences, ranked:

    1. Healthy monogamous LTR relationship with great sex
    2. Unspectacular but decent no-strings sex with undemanding FWB
    3. Pornhub
    4-10. Everything else

  10. #6959
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I can relate to your approach, or at least your mindset. Been there plenty. In recent years, though, I adopted an approach a bit more along the lines of what IAmFCA described: knowing what I wanted—your number 1, basically—and not indulging with things that come up second (or third, or eighth to that).

    Guess the thing I found—and this wasn't the easiest thing to own—is that there seemed to be a direct correlation between the indulging in the FWB/nebulous sex stuff and not quite finding the healthy connections I was seeking. I'd meet a great woman, say, and one of two things would happen. A faint little alarm bell of intuition would go off in their mind, questioning whether I was genuinely ready or genuinely more drawn to the buzzy drama of nebulous carnal connections, and odds are there would be some truth to that ringing in their ears, maybe more truth than I wanted to acknowledge.

    Or I'd meet someone great but my own viewfinder was a little glitchy because a Nella or Nessa or whomever was poking at me in pixels, and I knew that poking back could lead to some consensual nudity without much fanfare. Flash forward a few months and I'd still be indulging, semi-satisfied at best, in the Nella or Nessa and my own self-conception of being "that guy," when I'd learn that that great woman I met was seeing someone, maybe engaged, and I'd feel a little pang—my own alarm bell, you could say, letting me know that maybe there were consequences in trying to have it every which way.

    To each his own, of course.

    And don't get me wrong. For me, choosing not to indulge in that didn't mean becoming a monk. Some casual, go-nowhere sex was had, and enjoyed. Just not as a runner-up award, or a consolation prize. I'd hoped it would lead to the Big Thing, and when it proved otherwise I just cut it out—the sex, the person, the pixels, the soothing if outgrown identity of needing to be "that guy," because I was pretty sure the woman I was ultimately looking for wouldn't have much interest in competing with that or being with that guy. Because she wouldn't find it to be a competition, but just kind of boring, not worth her time.

    Anyhow, something to think about, or not.

  11. #6960
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    Then the cost is your choice. I tried to decline dinner a few times and the guy insisted. One said it was because he liked trying new places. In one case he insisted on a place out of my budget then accepted my gesture to split the bill. And asked me out again. I offered to split because I didn’t want to see him again and didn’t want to feel like I took advantage. My half was $40 with no alcohol and 15 years ago. So these ladies are getting a nice meal because that’s your preference. No need to drink coffee. Get a water and if you like her do dinner the next time. Otherwise I don’t see why it’s part of s complaint on your part. Do you think they should offer to pay half ? I do if they suggested dinner. Not if you insisted. Then it’s less clear to me.


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