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Thread: Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

  1. #6931
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    I rarely get stoned before dates unless I think I really think it will be required, so I got stoned before NEELA arrived last night, just as I did on our last date over a year ago.

    NEELA picked me up by Lyft at 7pm, and was all smiles and cheer, wearing a nice black dress; she looked great. I was skeptical but friendly. She said she'd been day-drinking for lunch with bottomless mimosas but didn't seem drunk to me. We made semi-awkward small talk on the way, same at dinner, and she had a beer.

    She told me about her new job, and eventually how she wasn't sure of her purpose in life. In between, she was snarky as usual, but not in a way I particularly enjoy. As usual.

    When we finished dinner 2+ hours later, I was a bit bored despite the non-flagging conversation and wasn't feeling any romantic connection. I was prepared to go home, and was looking forward to it.

    She wanted to walk a bit, so we did. It was then that she apologized for dozing off last year, and revealed that the reason she was wishy-washy back then was because she was seeing someone else at the time. I joked that I hoped she had just met him. She also took my arm as we walked.

    All of this made small talk a bit more awkward since it was now obvious she had some sort of romantic intention in mind, but I wasn't in that headspace at all.

    But when she called us a Lyft, she quickly asked "do you want to come over?" and without thinking, I said yes.

    Half of me kicked myself, but the other half was looking forward to having sex.

    We got to her place (super nice, 3 BR, washer/dryer, huge kitchen & living room) and just talked for about two hours in the kitchen as she drank two Bud Lights. I was stoned but didn't drink the entire night. Again, no romantic sparks, and I wasn't really all that interested in sparking them because NEELA herself has a somewhat negative attitude about life in general and I wasn't sure I really liked her.

    So around 11:30pm I started to say "I'm going to call a Lyft to go home."

    She interrupted me at "to" and said "stay?"

    I protested a bit, but she said "stay" again and leaned in for a semi-awkward kiss.

    We made out for a bit, and I just said eff it and decided to stay.

    She led me to her bedroom which had completely bare walls even though she's lived there for over six years. We had protected sex, it was okay but not anything really special since a) I wasn't emotionally invested and b) she was very passive, though clearly enjoying it.

    As an example of her demeanor, twice while we were messing around she just started laughing, punctuating one of those instances with "Your hands are so SOFT!! hahaha!"

    Afterwards, she said "You're so generous in bed" and we went to sleep, cuddling.

    In the morning we had sex again (it was better), more cuddling & chitchat, and around noon she finally drove us back to the restaurant to retrieve her credit card that she left the night before, then dropped me off at my place. I kissed her goodbye, told her I had fun, and we wished each other well.

    I'm going to text her tomorrow out of politeness and because I wouldn't mind hooking up again, but I'm still not enthused about the prospect. And I have no idea if she's even interested in a repeat.

    Oh well.

    --------------------

    After NEELA dropped me off, I texted NAMI that I had fun at lunch and asked her out again. No reply.

  2. #6932
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    This reminded me of the Cat Person short story in the New Yorker that got a lot of press/buzz. Not entirely but the tone/vibe/.

  3. #6933
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    Probably you should let her know that you're not really feeling it as far as a long-term thing, but that you like hanging out and that you'd enjoy seeing more of her in a companion capacity. She made it clear that she's looking for something to stick, and you're just not feeling it, and that's okay.

    But hey, sex is good.

  4. #6934
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    Probably you should let her know that you're not really feeling it as far as a long-term thing, but that you like hanging out and that you'd enjoy seeing more of her in a companion capacity. She made it clear that she's looking for something to stick, and you're just not feeling it, and that's okay.

    But hey, sex is good.
    I don't think her actions reflect looking for something long term with him - she arrived to the date drunk, continued to drink while on the date talked about not knowing what goals she has for life (which may or may not be about relationships but who knows), and she initiated the inviting over, sex ,etc. I got a very sad empty feeling from their encounter -one reason it reminded me of Cat Person (the author was interviewed quite a lot about her story -it's quite an interesting one!)

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  6. #6935
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    This reminded me of the Cat Person short story in the New Yorker that got a lot of press/buzz. Not entirely but the tone/vibe/.
    Haha.

    It's like the follow-up to Cat Person—what it looks like for adults who grow into the awkward phase of life that story chronicled, rather than out of it. Hollow sex where no one involved is quite sure why they're having it, but there they are, naked and entwined and foggy around the edges, forging a good story for bunch or an internet forum.

    No judgment, rest assured. I've been a pro swimmer in these waters at various points. The pruned fingertips—or is a pruned soul?—always gets to me quick.

  7. #6936
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    Read the Cat Person story... yes, there were definitely some familiar-sounding elements there. Not the facts, but the vibe. But luckily not anywhere near as depressing!

    Anyway, NEELA texted a few hours ago, asking about my rehearsal. So I think she's at least up for another round.

    PARRA got back to me, saying she'd "love to hear my voice" to schedule a phone call. Unfortunately, she also posted a new photo where she looks a bit heavier than the others. Oh well.

    I just texted NESSA some ideas for Thursday.

    Also been getting more matches, but to be honest I'm worn out!

  8. #6937
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    NAMI got back to me on Whatsapp with two lengthy texts that basically said she can't be vegan, so I should date someone who is. She also asked if she could still be a fan of my band and come to shows. Sigh, whatever.

    NESSA picked out a Nepalese restaurant I suggested, so we're on for dinner on Thursday.

    Coincidentally PARRA indicated that she was Nepali in her last message; I messaged back that I was available for a phonecall tonight or tomorrow night.

    NEELA and I texted a bit today, mostly joking about my band. We're not rehearsing this weekend so I'll probably ask her if she wants to get together then.

  9. #6938
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    Seems I spoke too soon about PARRA's ethnicity. So let's rewind to her last message, keeping in mind that she has long black curly hair, brown skin, and a Hindi/Sanskrit screen name:

    PARRA
    Id love to hear your voice soon. When can I ring u?
    I went to the _____ Festival in _____ today. Family fun and me observing and buying Nepali dresses for my 4 nieces I ll soon see for my birthday in FL! 💕

    ME
    I should be around after 7pm tonight & tomorrow for a phonecall. Are you Nepali? Can you tell me where I can get vegan momo's around here!?!?

    PARRA
    Bad assumption.


    So I guess in her mind I just took an Insta-Racist supplement instead of my vitamin this morning. Oh well.

  10. #6939
    Platinum Member sophie274's Avatar
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    Lol if that offended her then she has very thin skin.

  11. #6940
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    Originally Posted by sophie274
    Lol if that offended her then she has very thin skin.
    After I thought about it, I considered that PARRA may have been referring to my asking her about vegan dumplings... but since she never followed up since last night, I'm pretty sure my initial assessment - and probably yours - was correct.

    -----------

    NEELA texted today, continuing our chitchat convo since this past weekend. Her mom and three aunts arrive at her apartment today for a week, but I'll ask her about getting together soon.


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