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Thread: Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

  1. #51
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    From everything you say, Wynn sounds like a fallback girl. If there was another "Kate" at your fingertips, you would not be considering her.

  2. #52
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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    From everything you say, Wynn sounds like a fallback girl. If there was another "Kate" at your fingertips, you would not be considering her.
    I think he's just being realistic. As he said, a hotter/younger woman will have more options than he can compete with, so he has to try something else.

  3. #53
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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    From everything you say, Wynn sounds like a fallback girl. If there was another "Kate" at your fingertips, you would not be considering her.
    I won't disagree; don't we all want to have our first choice? But as I've said, I don't plan on contacting Wynn unless I'm sure my mind/heart is in a place to give her a fair chance.

    As for OKC, last night I got an encouraging reply (3 of them in fact) from very attractive 43-yo CARMEN who has visited my page several times in the past. Old pix indicate she was a 9 when she was younger, and she's still an 8. Some excerpts:

    "Yes, lets have an enlightening conversation. You seem great. like a super sweet cool dude with good hair and rock star style. My number is xxx.xxx.xxxx"

    Then, referring to what I was looking for in a match:

    "well, i don't have an std and i have long brown hair, but i don't cook. lol! im an 'on the fence choice' but i do want a serious relationship that may lead to marriage & kids.

    I think most of you can read between the lines here. Sure it's awesome she's enthusiastic about me, but that's also the red flag: for a first message, she's not only over-eager, but over-sharing. And how many other guys has she sent this same kind of message to? Not a good sign.

    And why would such an attractive person contact me of all people? I don't have self-esteem problems, but I don't usually get messages from girls as good-looking as her (Kate excepted). There's got to be something off with her personality. So I'm going to keep my eyes wide open for narcissistic, stalker, unstable and/or gold-digging tendencies.

    The other red flag is that she's an "artist type." I was able to look her up online and she's definitely a real person, and actually a damn good singer & pretty good onscreen host. She also paints & does photography. Now none of these are bad things IMO (I'm a creative person myself), but in my experience, female artists around my age - especially struggling ones, as she appears to be - are a little on the kooky side, and sometimes downright insane.

    Still, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and give her a call tomorrow night... but be very cautious if things proceed further.

    Otherwise, I've got a friendly dutch date with EDITH tonight, my OKC friend IRENE is going with me to a friend's b-day party on Friday, and JEANETTE said she's free Saturday night, so at least I'm keeping busy.

    On a lighter note, here's a great first online date idea for guys to try out:
    link removed


  4. #54
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NorthDallas40
    But as I've said, I don't plan on contacting Wynn unless I'm sure my mind/heart is in a place to give her a fair chance.
    Whew!

    Before you have met her, you are almost suggesting Carmen is kooky and has something wrong with her. So, women who are attractive and send messages can't even win! I don't see much harm in stating your goal upfront. Heck, it was on my profile (the desire to have a long-term relationship)!

  5.  

  6. #55
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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    Before you have met her, you are almost suggesting Carmen is kooky and has something wrong with her.
    She sent me three messages between midnight & 2am, giving me her number and telling me she doesn't have STD's. This doesn't strike you as a bit unusual?

    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    So, women who are attractive and send messages can't even win!
    Not at all. I welcome messages from attractive women!

    But I'm also a fairly good judge of people, and where I live there is no shortage of attractive and crazy struggling artists, both male & female.

    Believe me, I hope I'm wrong! But I'd be an idiot not to have my guard up, based on past experiences with this type of person.

  7. #56
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    I don't know what your messages to her were, so I can't say much about hers.

    We'll see what happens once you meet!

  8. #57
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    Long rambling emotional unloading in this entry... just need to write out my thoughts for self-therapy. My apologies.

    It's been interesting/disturbing how my mood has gone through so many (often conflicting) shifts as I've gone through the peaks and valleys of the online dating process.

    GOOD

    - Hope and positivity when messaging likely prospects.

    - Confident about my future (relationship-wise) when there's a promising date (or dates) coming up.

    - When dates don't work out, thinking about Wynn as a great match and looking forward to reconnecting.

    - Enjoying even mediocre dates as practice, a good time, meeting a new person, and going to new places.

    - Not thinking about my ex at all because of the above.


    BAD

    - Self-doubt about what kind of person I am when the only people who message back are crazy, boring, unattractive, or otherwise bad fits.

    - Not having luck getting a date IRL recently, even though I'm fairly outgoing and social despite being a bit tired of going to bars/clubs.

    - Knowing that even though I'm in a much better place financially, healthwise, skillwise, lookswise, socially and knowledgewise than in my last relationship...that none of it seems to improve my dating odds.

    - Frustration with the OKC process when receiving no replies or having people cancel / be flaky once plans are made.

    - Feeling like I'll never find a good match and should just "settle" for Wynn, who may not be interested anyway, and whom I may find fault with if even if we do get back together.

    - Missing my ex from time to time, thinking how every girl since her has been a "trade down," and how I might never be totally satisfied with a new girl when she doesn't meet that standard.

    - Looking back on my past relationships/dates/ONS and thinking that *none* of them were really good ones, and my options are even more limited now that I'm older.

    ---------

    All of these are just gut feelings that seem to come and go. Not really sure of my true feelings now, to be honest. And I know I should just ease up and not try and force/rush finding a new person... but it's really the only thing on my "to do" list right now - I'm ok with my life otherwise, and just want someone to share it with.

    Anyway, maybe some of you have felt some of these moods and will take some comfort that it's not just you going through all this cr*p haha!

  9. #58
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    Back to the OKC progress...

    I sent out about 5 new OKC messages yesterday & today, several of them to people with VERY similar interests.

    Got one response from LEE who seems to be a good match, though half of her pictures look bad and the other pictures look stunning. Her note was well-written & promising though, so I'm hoping we do end up meeting.

    Other than that, I've received no responses to any other previous recent messages, 22 of which of remain unopened.

    I've also gotten several unsolicited messages from a few women that I'm not interested in, but they've said positive things about both my profile and my photos, so I feel like my page is representing me well.

    -----------------

    Last night I had a really nice 2 hour dinner with EDNA as we talked about our careers, movies, traveling & relationships. Though it was just a platonic meetup, she obviously was having a good time and we stayed past closing even though she could have easily left earlier. When we said goodbye, I gave her an open invitation to join me for a movie using my repertory theater membership and left it at that. Who knows if we'll see each other again, but it was nice to have a nice evening out. She paid for her half so my expense was only $15.

    As for JEANETTE, I made date arrangements with her on the phone on Monday night, emailed options on Tuesday afternoon, she texted me on Wednesday morning saying Saturday night was good and that she'd get back to me later that day about specifics.

    Well now it's Thursday afternoon and not a peep, plus she logged onto OKC yesterday after being off for 4 days. At this point I'm fully prepared for her to flake. If I don't hear back from her by tonight, I'll consider her no longer interested.

    So that just leaves a reply to LEE today, a call to MICHELLE tonight and hopefully a phone call from KIM in about a week assuming she wasn't just giving me the brush-off.

  10. #59
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    Paying for a first date that statistically won't lead to a second date is a foolish waste of money.

    I always pay for first dates, but then again the first time I meet a woman from a dating site it's a quick 20 minute meetup and if it goes well and she hasn't been deceptive in her profile pictures or description and if we click and if I don't see any number of red flags then I WILL schedule a real first date and pay for it.

    That's money well spent.

    And yes, I've learned the hard way not to expect too much when I first set eyes on her.

  11. #60
    Bronze Member Nightdriver's Avatar
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    Questions: Do you consider it a red flag of sorts if someone replies to you "too quickly," for example if you send a message to them at 6:15pm and they answer back (presumably after perusing your profile) at 6:30pm?

    Or likewise, do you feel "better" about a woman who might not open your message for a week, hopefully because she's not even on the site that much, as opposed to someone who answers so quickly because they're presumably always on the site?

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