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Thread: Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

  1. #21
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    I guess she just really want's to take it slow, personally if I had already kissed the guy on the first date, I'd definitely kiss him on every date after that. I guess see what happens today, if there's no kiss again and you don't want to move that slow, don't see her again. I do think she likes you though.

  2. #22
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    Yesterday I texted Jeanette to see if she wanted to go out tonight; she said she may have plans (which she told me about on Friday before our date), but said she'd contact me this afternoon.

    And I just messaged 20 more women on OKC. Ugh, it's like a 2nd job!

  3. #23
    Bronze Member Supersarahp's Avatar
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    Good luck with it all! You gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a princess! You will get there though!

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NorthDallas40
    Yesterday I texted Jeanette to see if she wanted to go out tonight; she said she may have plans (which she told me about on Friday before our date), but said she'd contact me this afternoon.

    And I just messaged 20 more women on OKC. Ugh, it's like a 2nd job!
    That's kind of bad form .... to text for a date (bad) and to text for a date the only one or two days after you ask (bad). You seem like a guy talking to a bunch of women at the same time.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    That's kind of bad form .... to text for a date (bad)
    For a first date, I agree. The first time I asked her out, it was at the end of a 45 minute phone call.

    But after we'd just spent SIX STRAIGHT HOURS talking to each other in person the night before, I don't think texting for a 3rd date is bad form at all, and past relationships have borne this out. Some people actually prefer texting once you've gotten to know each other in person; no problem with that.

    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    and to text for a date the only one or two days after you ask (bad).
    I'm not exactly sure what you're saying here.

    But to clarify, on Thursday I gave her options for all three days of the weekend because she said she might meet with a girlfriend on Sat or Sun. We went out Friday and that night she asked if I would contact her over the weekend. So the next evening I texted about doing something on Sunday night. She replied that once she heard from her friend, she'd text me Sunday afternoon.

    This is bad how?

    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    You seem like a guy talking to a bunch of women at the same time.
    So if you went on a really nice 6-hour 2nd date with a guy and mentioned you'd like him to contact you over the weekend, and he texted you the next afternoon asking for a date the next night, you'd assume that a) he has bad dating form, and b) he's talking to multiple women?

    That seems like a lot of assumptions to make from a text vs. a call. Most guys dating multiple women would allow a week to pass before a 2nd date, not schedule three of them in the space of five days! If anything, I'm probably coming accross as too eager to date just her alone.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    My bf called me for every date. I actually don't think we ever texted each other asking to hang out in our first year. I do think it's a bit lazy. Why can't you call and say hi and chat and ask for a date?

    I have a (personal) theory that the "I prefer texting" people (and I mean texting for important communication and not texting to say hi or minor stuff) are not the best communicators. Not great at confrontation or dealing with issues. No real evidence of that though. (But years ago I had a bf who was a TERRIBLE communicator and had to do all of our major communication in writing. NEVER again.)

    I wouldn't do a six-hour date with a guy on a 2nd date. And if I mentioned I'd like him to contact me over the weekend, I wouldn't like the contact to be over text (but I also tell people I prefer calls). Seems weak. It sounded like you texted Thursday for a Saturday date. I wouldn't like that much. But I am a plan in advance person and that sounds kinda last minute to me.

    Anyways, it is just personal opinion.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    Why can't you call and say hi and chat and ask for a date?
    I've got no problem at all doing that, and I'm actually more of a phone person myself. But sometimes it feels more appropriate to text, to wit:

    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    I have a (personal) theory that the "I prefer texting" people are not the best communicators.
    Agreed. One of my past exes all but refused to talk on the phone, as she was not great at in-person conversation either.

    But as I mentioned before, Jeanette isn't the most verbal person herself. So texting seemed the more comfortable option for both of us. Also, since I've definitely "proven" my conversational skills to her, texting seemed a more low-pressure way to ask for a 3rd date without putting her on the spot.

    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    I wouldn't do a six-hour date with a guy on a 2nd date. And if I mentioned I'd like him to contact me over the weekend, I wouldn't like the contact to be over text (but I also tell people I prefer calls). Seems weak.
    I've been on at least a couple of 6+ hour 2nd dates that went well, and sometimes even led to LTR's. And obviously different people have varied opinions on texting vs. calling, and I try to adjust accordingly depending on the girl. Horses for courses.

    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    It sounded like you texted Thursday for a Saturday date. I wouldn't like that much. But I am a plan in advance person and that sounds kinda last minute to me.
    I'm not a last-minute person at all, and as you can surmise from this thread, I'm a DAMN GOOD date planner!

    To clarify, we had our first date on Tuesday, and the next day I asked her about meeting over the weekend. She took some time in replying, hence the delay in finalizing plans.

  9. #28
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    It was a bit late in coming, but I finally got a text from Jeanette saying that she was still out with her friend & friend's mom for Easter and though she did want to meet tonight, next week would be better if it's cool with me. Well since she offered a general "rain date," then yes, it's very cool with me.

    And Darcy, just to make you happy I'll give her a PHONE CALL to schedule it.

    In the meantime, I messaged 8 other girls on OKC. I'm being a bit obsessive about it at the moment because I turn 43 in a few weeks and want to get in "under the wire" just in case!

    So far I've pared down my "favorites" list to 9 pages from 15 by removing ones I've messaged or don't feel would really be a match. I might even take the rest of the day to finish it off entirely so I don't have to worry about it for awhile. Man, no wonder I enjoyed being in my last relationship so much - no stupid dating stuff to worry about!

  10. #29
    Bronze Member rambleon's Avatar
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    Finding this thread really interesting, I've never tried online dating (yet) but thanks for providing such detail about the experience. I'll be waiting to hear your results.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    My bf called me for every date. I actually don't think we ever texted each other asking to hang out in our first year. I do think it's a bit lazy. Why can't you call and say hi and chat and ask for a date? .
    Ok but that's your bf, everyone is different, I wouldn't mind a guy texting me to ask for second date...maybe the details can be planned out over the phone, but even so I don't think that's necessary

    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    I have a (personal) theory that the "I prefer texting" people (and I mean texting for important communication and not texting to say hi or minor stuff) are not the best communicators. Not great at confrontation or dealing with issues. No real evidence of that though. (But years ago I had a bf who was a TERRIBLE communicator and had to do all of our major communication in writing. NEVER again.).
    I agree but like you said doesn't sound like anybody here is doing "important communication" texting, so this is pretty irrevlevant.

    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    I wouldn't do a six-hour date with a guy on a 2nd date. And if I mentioned I'd like him to contact me over the weekend, I wouldn't like the contact to be over text (but I also tell people I prefer calls). Seems weak. It sounded like you texted Thursday for a Saturday date. I wouldn't like that much. But I am a plan in advance person and that sounds kinda last minute to me.
    Thursday for Saturday isn't that bad, I mean Wednesday is ideal, but I wouldn't decline a date just because the guy asked on Thursday instead of Wednesday. As for the six-hour date, if you're having fun and it feels right, why not? I think when people place way too many rules and regulations on dating that's when you fall into the category of "nobody's good enough for me".

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