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Thread: Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

  1. #11
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    I had some free time today so I pared down my OKC favorites list. I weeded out the crazies, the ones I'm not really attracted to, ones who are looking in a younger age range, etc.

    And in the process I sent out a whopping 22 messages to new people. But again, I'm expecting only 0-3 responses at the most.

    I also ended up sending Elle a quick note about tomorrow, Raquel felt the same way about not pursuing anything, and still no reply from Jeanette about a 2nd date. Date w/ Nicola in 1.5 hours.

  2. #12
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    Last night's date with NICOLA was 4.5 hours and went very well...except for getting a ticket for a burnt-out headlight! Dinner was delicious, the wine she brought was superb, the comedy club was hilarious, and our conversation was genuinely interesting & fun all night. Total was a bargain $66 for a fairly upscale meal, club & parking.

    There was just one problem. From the second I saw her, I knew I wasn't attracted in the slightest.

    Though she was tall & slim and not tomboyish, she wasn't particularly pretty (she only had 1 photo on her profile, always a red flag), her voice & laugh were unappealing, and even her mannerisms totally turned me off. Though I'm a reformed nerd myself, she was way too nerdy even for me, and not in an endearing way. I need at least a little bit of feminine appeal with the women I date, and she had very little, though she was a very nice, enthusiastic & interesting person.

    So though it wasn't particularly late after the show was over, I just dropped her off at her car and wished her a safe trip home. She texted me 30 minutes later saying "thanks for a wonderful evening" so I felt I did my duty in showing her a good time. But this morning I PM'd her politely that I didn't want to pursue anything further.

    --------------------

    ELLE eventually replied to my prompting about today's tentative lunch date, but with predictably flaky results. At 10:40pm last night she said she was still on, but by 1:20am she cancelled, claiming "I can't tomorrow - i ended up getting booked with work. But lets try another time."

    I found it hilarious that I was supposed to buy the "I got booked at work" excuse when it could have only happened between the hours of 10:40pm and 1:20am. But that's par for the course with someone who's not really interested.

    I just PM'd back "Sure - just holler back when you're free" and I don't plan on contacting her further unless she initiates.

    --------------------

    As for my 22 new messages yesterday, almost half of them still haven't been read, but I got two nice replies by the end of the day.

    EDNA (42) - We have very similar music/movie tastes and we agreed we'd probably get along great. But she said she wasn't vegan nor is she likely to have kids, plus she's going out of town for work for a few months. I just told her to drop me a line when she gets back and if we're still both single we can take it from there.

    AMY (34) - She gave a fairly lengthy, intelligent & friendly reply to my very brief message, and I liked what she said re: movies, food, and Big Brother program. So I replied with an equally lengthy response and said I'd love to chat on the phone and/or take her to dinner next week if she's up for it.

    --------------------

    And finally JEANETTE replied to my invitation for a second date with a yes. She wasn't sure of her schedule for the weekend, so I PM'd her some date options (dinner, lunch, hiking, museum, amusement park, movie, dance clubs) for all three days. I basically made it so she has no excuse not to take me up on at least ONE of my suggestions... though I don't think she needs too much convincing. I'm just hoping our conversation goes better next time around!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Hey, no one can accuse you of not working hard for a date!

  4. #14
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    Hahaha! It IS work! Very time-consuming too. Especially when I'm writing long-winded wrapups here on ENA

    But for me it's worth it. I almost always have a good time on the dates, I'm learning more about the city as I look for activity options, and it's great practice for when I finally meet the girl I really want to be serious with.

    Besides, I'm going to be 43 next month... the quicker I can separate the wheat from the chaff, the better!!

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Nice to get a male perspective on online dating experiences, you usually mostly hear them from a woman's perspective. Thanks!

  7. #16
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    Aaaaand... JEANETTE just messaged me, saying she'd love to go out tonight.

    ELLE who?

    Gotta say that's one advantage to dating women closer to my age:
    they know what they want... and they don't waste time in letting you know!

  8. #17
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    This thread is awesome.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    See guys ... women do respond to online dating messages! Go NorthDallas.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    See guys ... women do respond to online dating messages! Go NorthDallas.
    They do... but it's really a numbers game. The more women you message, the better chance you have of getting a response. That's just the fact of the matter.

    And it's essential to tailor your message to a woman's profile, make a gently humorous comment if it's appropriate, and ask a couple of questions so they actually have something to respond to. I don't ever write "hi!" or "Hey sexy", nor any kind of cliche pickup lines. Each woman I message gets a fairly "tailor-made" note, but I don't ever EXPECT a reply. I write, move on to the next one, and hope for the best.

    And on a slightly sexist, but important, note: I want to clarify that the most attractive women (the 8s, 9s, and 10s) are NOT messaging me back. I'm mostly getting responses from 6s & 7s.

    As I've said, I'm ok looking and in shape. But I'm not young and by no means a Brad Pitt, so the Angelina Jolies of the dating world aren't going to be banging down my door. So I understand & accept that.

    But on the bright side, since I'm not particularly photogenic I think most girls who *do* go on a date with me end up being impressed IRL because they've set their expectations low based on my pictures haha!

    I think a lot of guys would save a lot of frustration & anger towards women on dating sites if they a) took a good hard look at themselves and be honest about what they have to offer a woman, b) realize that the more attractive a woman is, the more messages she's going to get from guys better looking than the average joe, and c) adjusted their own expectations accordingly.

  11. #20
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    Date #2 with JEANETTE went really well... with a bit of a hiccup (IMO) at the end.

    I picked her up outside her place, we went to dinner, strolled along a local tourist amusement park for awhile and had tea afterward. The date lasted almost 6 hours, and luckily the conversation went much better, and any awkward moments were short. I did most of the talking, but I realized she just prefers to listen rather than talk about herself. Throughout the night her eye contact & smiling was just as inviting and poised as before. While we walked, I held her hand, put my arm around her, and she took my arm and it felt very comfortable. I even massaged her feet discreetly underneath the table while we had tea since she was a little bit in pain after doing all that walking in heels. There's no question we both enjoyed a very romantic evening, and it felt very good being with her.

    But while we were sitting in my car when I dropped her back home, it got a bit confusing.

    She told me she had a nice time & thanked me for everything.
    So I went for a kiss, expecting a bit of a makeout session since we'd already kissed before.
    But she adamantly didn't kiss back, gave me her cheek, and just kept smiling.
    "No kiss tonight?" I asked, keeping a dumb smile on my face out of confusion.
    She just smiled, looked down, paused, looked directly at me and asked, "Are you tired? You look tired."
    "No I'm not tired."
    "Maybe it's just the light."
    "Maybe."
    Then still smiling and keeping eye contact, she took my hand and said "So will I hear from you this weekend?"
    "Do you want me to?"
    "Yes."
    "Then sure. The other plans I gave you for the weekend are still on the table. The movie on Sunday looks good."
    She smiled and said "Ok - I'll look it up."

    We said our goodbyes, and I drove off wondering what the heck just happened! I don't mind taking things slow, but I prefer steady ESCALATION, not some "1 step forward, 2 steps back" business.

    I'm going to message her today about doing something tomorrow, but quite frankly if we don't at least KISS by the end of the night, I'm not sure I want to continue stretching things out.

    Women of ENA: if you can offer your views on her behavior and/or my expectations, I'm all ears!

    ------------------------

    I also got a reply from EDNA saying that she doesn't leave town for a month, so we could meet before then. I'm going to PM her tomorrow about setting something up.

    I haven't had any other OKC replies yet, but almost nobody replies on a Friday or Saturday; Sunday evening is usually when most people become most active on the site.

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