Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: "Unrequited Love" vs "Friend Zone"

  1. #1
    BritterSweet
    Gold Member BritterSweet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Hawai'i
    Age
    29
    Posts
    690
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    38

    "Unrequited Love" vs "Friend Zone"

    While browsing around, I came accross a quote from Amanda Marcotte regarding the Friend Zone, a concept that I am not exactly a stranger to. It intrigued me.

    Why is the term "friend zone" so popular when the term "unrequited love" already exists and is more accurate?

    I suspect it's because it shifts the locus of responsibility. "Unrequited love" focuses on the person who has the crush. The feelings being discussed are the crushing person's, thus the responsibility in on them to get over their crush and move on. "Friend zone", on the other hand, focuses on the crush object's choices. The phrase erases the agency of the crushing person. All blame for their pain is put on the crush object. "Unrequited love" is something that can happen to both sexes, but "friend zone" is a sexist concept that implies that women are solely responsible for men's happiness, and not men themselves.
    Certainly the gender dynamic goes more than just one way, but the main idea struck a cord in my brain, for lack of a better way to phrase it.

    What are your thoughts on this?

  2. #2
    slax
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Slovenia
    Age
    27
    Posts
    8
    Gender
    Male
    I think the main difference remains in the fact, that the friendzoned person is "strung along" while the one whose love is unrequited is usually aware of the fact that the whole relationship thing isn't going to happen. I think it's about the crush's attitude after all.

  3. #3
    savignon
    Platinum Member savignon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    USA
    Age
    41
    Posts
    6,094
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4
    It's popular culture. My students say "oh, man, he got friendzoned". Sounds cooler than "his love is unrequited". Lol
    Also since you can friendzone someone, it's a verb. Unrequited love is a noun ...so they can't be used the same way. "The friendzone" is a noun but it's a place and unrequited love isn't a place so they are used in different contexts.
    I totally disagree with the article's description. I have never understood either expression to be gender specific nor placing blame/responsibility on anybody for someone else's happiness. It follows the concept of saying "I don't like you like that. We're just friends". That person isn't responsible for how the other person feels about that. Nor does it have anything to do with men vs women. Everyone's subject to the friendzone!
    Last edited by savignon; 03-23-2013 at 06:53 AM.

  4. #4
    Firiel
    Platinum Member Firiel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    29
    Posts
    2,045
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    111
    Quote Originally Posted by savignon [Register to see the link]
    It's popular culture. My students say "oh, man, he got friendzoned". Sounds cooler than "his love is unrequited". Lol
    Also since you can friendzone someone, it's a verb. Unrequited love is a noun ...so they can't be used the same way. "The friendzone" is a noun but it's a place and unrequited love isn't a place so they are used in different contexts.
    But see, even this supports the quote found by the OP. "He GOT friendzoned." The woman friendzoned him-- it is her responsibility, her fault, so to say. "His love is unrequited" or "He's got an unrequited love" puts more responsibility on him for his feelings (though, of course, these examples could easily switch gender). Plus, you see it all the time here-- people complaining about being in the friendzone, almost as if the other person owes them a relationship and the other person is not holding up his/her end of the bargain by not being romantically interested. I don't think the friendzoned person is necessarily strung along. It's called the friendzone because s/he says, "I just want to be friends." That's not the promise of a future relationship. Sometimes, stringing along does happen, but it's far from in every case.

  5. #5
    ThatwasThen
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    9,816
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    5118
    What does it matter? It's the responsibility of the one crushing to distance themselves from their crush in order to squelsh the unrequieted/non-reciprocated extent of the love. Friendship is a form of love afterall.. just not the extent of it that the one zoned wants.

    I totally disagree that this is a gender issue and a I disagree to the label being 'sexest.' Being "friendzoned" can happen to either sex so why the assertion that the label implies that men's happiness solely relies on women... Hogwash on him and his need to blame females in some manner when it's not a gender thing at all.

  6. #6
    itsallgrand
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    14,935
    Thanked
    2245
    "AHh, I got friendzoned?! How do I get out of it?!"

    translation:

    "I got rejected but am not letting this go! I'll squirm my way into her/his heart somehow!".



    It's just people not being able to swallow the idea of being rejected romantically.

  7. #7
    BritterSweet
    Gold Member BritterSweet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Hawai'i
    Age
    29
    Posts
    690
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    38
    I've heard some people compare the Friend Zone to abuse. Basically implying that by being my friend and only my friend, you are using me for your own selfish gains. Your friendship doesn't have worth on its own.
    Last edited by BritterSweet; 03-23-2013 at 04:17 PM.

  8. #8
    lizzie2011
    Bronze Member lizzie2011's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Age
    35
    Posts
    271
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    This is quite an interesting way to look at the shift in nomenclature. I don't agree that the person has to be actively strung along. i think that there is often a person who can't accept rejection; who places a lower value on friendship than a relationship; who think that reciprocity of affections is an arithmetic exercise; who string themselves along by interpreting each act of kindness and friendship as sexual interest notwithstanding clear words to the contrary. It is very rare for the person to actually mislead the person

    I also think it may be a spinoff from the terrible rom-com's ... so if your friend does something extraordinary then you must fall in love with him because all the romantic comedies say so.

    i agree that there is also a culture of feeling like the person owes you something and they become quite angry when its not paid over.

  9. #9
    Sportster2005
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Age
    55
    Posts
    5,337
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    3067
    If I ask a woman out I'm interested in and she says not but would like friendship, I've been friend -zoned. That is not unrequited love, because I don't love her.

    If I date a woman for months and love her and she doesn't love me, that's unrequited love.

  10.  

Top Threads
Am I being Unfaithful
I have lived with my wife and mother in law since 1998 since my father in law died. I have always found my mother in law attractive but never done
When someone's advances are too aggressive
I met a male friend over a new project that I am doing. He is very caring, smart and nice, and basically has many qualities that I look for in a
How to stop these feelings when I know they are wrong......
Anyone have tips to make huge feelings for someone stop when you know it is not appropriate? I can't stop thinking about this person...non stop
Is it weird if I randomly Snapchat my crush tonight or tomorrow?
I can't tell if I'm being annoying or not with him honestly or if he knows I like him. I said see you later as a snap and then he just gave me a
Complicated Mutual attraction to Co-worker..
Hi, I have a coworker that Im steadily noticing more and more and almost about to fall for. We spend a lot of time together after work, we go to
Girl I used to a have a thing for has gotten back in touch. Is this an IOI?
This is the second time she has done this. Once just before the summer, and once last night. She sends me I just heard you were in (place I go
Long time crush, does he have feelings too?
I liked this guy throughout high school and I kinda had a feeling he liked me a bit too and some other people noticed a bit of the same thing but
Featured Threads
My (ex?) girlfriend has anorexia and it probably destroyed our relationship - what to do?
Hello. I would like to tell my story. I am a 22 year-old male dating an 18 year-old female, though we have probably broken up today. This is
Question about how I should handle the finances in my marriage
I recently married my bf of 5 years and we are expecting a baby early next year. Since then I've found out some rather disturbing things about his
married now found out she cheated while we were dating Im so confused help
We have been married 2 years and dated a long time before we were married (16yrs) 5 years into our relationship my wife , then gf went on a cruise
Wanting To Be With Loved One In After-Life
Has anyone who has ever lost a loved one with whom they were extremely close and loved dearly ever thought about taking his/her own life so as to be
Does everyone have some positive qualities?
Since the day I had been dumped (got dumped in April and after all the failed efforts to reconcile, accepted his decision in mid July). I feel I am a
I it wrong to date my sister's ex boyfriend?
My sister was dating a guy for two month, and me and her bf start being friends until they broke up.....i have feelings for him and he also loves me
She left me because she thinks I'm dumb
I have been in relationship with this girl and moved to her country 3 months ago and lately things are going pretty bad and she is seeking for a
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •