Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: "Unrequited Love" vs "Friend Zone"

  1. #1
    BritterSweet
    Gold Member BritterSweet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Hawai'i
    Age
    28
    Posts
    666
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    10

    "Unrequited Love" vs "Friend Zone"

    While browsing around, I came accross a quote from Amanda Marcotte regarding the Friend Zone, a concept that I am not exactly a stranger to. It intrigued me.

    Why is the term "friend zone" so popular when the term "unrequited love" already exists and is more accurate?

    I suspect it's because it shifts the locus of responsibility. "Unrequited love" focuses on the person who has the crush. The feelings being discussed are the crushing person's, thus the responsibility in on them to get over their crush and move on. "Friend zone", on the other hand, focuses on the crush object's choices. The phrase erases the agency of the crushing person. All blame for their pain is put on the crush object. "Unrequited love" is something that can happen to both sexes, but "friend zone" is a sexist concept that implies that women are solely responsible for men's happiness, and not men themselves.
    Certainly the gender dynamic goes more than just one way, but the main idea struck a cord in my brain, for lack of a better way to phrase it.

    What are your thoughts on this?

  2. #2
    slax
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Slovenia
    Age
    25
    Posts
    8
    Gender
    Male
    I think the main difference remains in the fact, that the friendzoned person is "strung along" while the one whose love is unrequited is usually aware of the fact that the whole relationship thing isn't going to happen. I think it's about the crush's attitude after all.

  3. #3
    savignon
    Platinum Member savignon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    USA
    Age
    40
    Posts
    6,094
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4
    It's popular culture. My students say "oh, man, he got friendzoned". Sounds cooler than "his love is unrequited". Lol
    Also since you can friendzone someone, it's a verb. Unrequited love is a noun ...so they can't be used the same way. "The friendzone" is a noun but it's a place and unrequited love isn't a place so they are used in different contexts.
    I totally disagree with the article's description. I have never understood either expression to be gender specific nor placing blame/responsibility on anybody for someone else's happiness. It follows the concept of saying "I don't like you like that. We're just friends". That person isn't responsible for how the other person feels about that. Nor does it have anything to do with men vs women. Everyone's subject to the friendzone!
    Last edited by savignon; 03-23-2013 at 06:53 AM.

  4. #4
    Firiel
    Platinum Member Firiel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    28
    Posts
    2,045
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    110
    Quote Originally Posted by savignon [Register to see the link]
    It's popular culture. My students say "oh, man, he got friendzoned". Sounds cooler than "his love is unrequited". Lol
    Also since you can friendzone someone, it's a verb. Unrequited love is a noun ...so they can't be used the same way. "The friendzone" is a noun but it's a place and unrequited love isn't a place so they are used in different contexts.
    But see, even this supports the quote found by the OP. "He GOT friendzoned." The woman friendzoned him-- it is her responsibility, her fault, so to say. "His love is unrequited" or "He's got an unrequited love" puts more responsibility on him for his feelings (though, of course, these examples could easily switch gender). Plus, you see it all the time here-- people complaining about being in the friendzone, almost as if the other person owes them a relationship and the other person is not holding up his/her end of the bargain by not being romantically interested. I don't think the friendzoned person is necessarily strung along. It's called the friendzone because s/he says, "I just want to be friends." That's not the promise of a future relationship. Sometimes, stringing along does happen, but it's far from in every case.

  5. #5
    ThatwasThen
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    6,745
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2472
    What does it matter? It's the responsibility of the one crushing to distance themselves from their crush in order to squelsh the unrequieted/non-reciprocated extent of the love. Friendship is a form of love afterall.. just not the extent of it that the one zoned wants.

    I totally disagree that this is a gender issue and a I disagree to the label being 'sexest.' Being "friendzoned" can happen to either sex so why the assertion that the label implies that men's happiness solely relies on women... Hogwash on him and his need to blame females in some manner when it's not a gender thing at all.

  6. #6
    itsallgrand
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    14,087
    Thanked
    1240
    "AHh, I got friendzoned?! How do I get out of it?!"

    translation:

    "I got rejected but am not letting this go! I'll squirm my way into her/his heart somehow!".



    It's just people not being able to swallow the idea of being rejected romantically.

  7. #7
    BritterSweet
    Gold Member BritterSweet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Hawai'i
    Age
    28
    Posts
    666
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    10
    I've heard some people compare the Friend Zone to abuse. Basically implying that by being my friend and only my friend, you are using me for your own selfish gains. Your friendship doesn't have worth on its own.
    Last edited by BritterSweet; 03-23-2013 at 04:17 PM.

  8. #8
    lizzie2011
    Bronze Member lizzie2011's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Age
    34
    Posts
    271
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    This is quite an interesting way to look at the shift in nomenclature. I don't agree that the person has to be actively strung along. i think that there is often a person who can't accept rejection; who places a lower value on friendship than a relationship; who think that reciprocity of affections is an arithmetic exercise; who string themselves along by interpreting each act of kindness and friendship as sexual interest notwithstanding clear words to the contrary. It is very rare for the person to actually mislead the person

    I also think it may be a spinoff from the terrible rom-com's ... so if your friend does something extraordinary then you must fall in love with him because all the romantic comedies say so.

    i agree that there is also a culture of feeling like the person owes you something and they become quite angry when its not paid over.

  9. #9
    Sportster2005
    Platinum Member Sportster2005's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Age
    54
    Posts
    4,453
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    2029
    If I ask a woman out I'm interested in and she says not but would like friendship, I've been friend -zoned. That is not unrequited love, because I don't love her.

    If I date a woman for months and love her and she doesn't love me, that's unrequited love.

  10.  

Top Threads
Current boyfriend/girlfriend
Are they taller than you?
male friend likes me....not recipicated
So I have this male friend (as the title says) who likes me a lot. He wants a relationship. I however I did tell him a while ago my feelings are
Having crush with coworker
Dear All, I got this crush that is hindering my life. This new colleague just joined my company 1 month ago. Currently she is attached to my
I turned him down once and I regret it
So I've known this guy - let's call him J - for two years now. We met in a dog park and formed our little group which contains us two, J's roommate T
I need some opinions
So I've had this male friend for years now, close to a decade. Recently things got a bit weird, and he asked me if we could have some "fun" and
Does this girl like me ?
Hey guys , there is a girl I work with that I like a lot, we have a lot in common and I think we share a bit of attraction for eachother. she flirts
I need help
I recently broke up with my ex of three years. It was a very abusive relationship, not physically but emotionally and mentally. I was controlled and
Featured Threads
Parent and relationships problems
So clearly i need help sooo i will get right into the story.....sorry its so long I am a 25 year old male who is in a relationship with my 19
My boyfriend is trying to date other woman on online dating site.
I really need help. I am so confused. My boyfriend is on online dating site. He said he wants to date other women. We were on and off relationship
My wife left me without having even a talk
Hi everybody, I wonder if this is normal just to leave a marriage of 7 years without having a proper talk before moving on? It happened to me that
Confused about FWB
Last weekend my FWB and I made plans to meet up. He drove down from his place to go to a party with friends, afterwards he was coming to spend the
Everything is just JUMBLED
I have an extremely, EXTREMELY screwed up life. At least from my point of view it is. At least I think I'm the only one that knows my own
Getting over someone to be with them again later?
Long story short, my ex broke up with me after 4 years because he said he was immature and needed to grow up without me and part of that was meeting
Need Advice - it's urgent for me
Hello Everyone, I meesed up my life and I take full responsibilty. I ned advice and what to do to remedy the situation immediately and prevent it
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •