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Thread: Time To Let Go?

  1. #1
    KnightBlack's Avatar
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    Time To Let Go?

    Hi. Basically, (to keep it as short as possible) my husband had an affair. The only reason he stayed is because she dumped him for someone else and really, I was plan B. He said its totally over with her and he would never want to be with her again. Fast forward a week or two and I asked him to move out for a few days to give me some time to heal after he admitted that he still loves her and wonders if she’ll ever come back to him. He says he’s “here for the long run” and I don’t have to worry about her coming back because “she just won’t”. I know better. She will, and he’s a cheater who hasn’t made much change. We text here and there throughout the day. If I ever want to talk feelings, he brushes me off or slightly changes the subject and that’s if he doesn’t leave me hanging until a good morning text. I’m positive he does not love me anymore and I know, in the back of my mind, that he’s just waiting to see if she’ll come back. So, I think it’s time to let go and move forward with my life. I’m in my early 20’s and hope to have kids and a busy work life later on. I’m thinking I still have plenty of time to accomplish all of my goals with someone who really cares about me. Getting Ready for a First Date
    Last edited by KnightBlack; 06-10-2020 at 05:40 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    ATTORNEY now. Is this an arranged marriage? Why is he in love with someone else but married you?
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 06-10-2020 at 07:12 AM.

  3. #3
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    Don’t waste another moment on this manipulative loser. Get an attorney and get out now.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Yup you need a lawyer and to get yourself out from under this marriage. NOW.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Yup, time to move on. He is a manipulative liar and that will never change. Cheating isn't so much about the affair partner or love, it's about deceit. He was looking you in the eye for longer than you know and lying and pretending. The other woman gave up and walked away, no worries, there will be others. That's just how cheaters operate. Deceit, duping people is their addiction.

    Talk to a good lawyer and file and don't look back. If you guys are young and don't have much between you, even easier - you can file by yourself. Be sure to check yourself for STI's. When you catch a cheater once....usually just tip of the iceberg.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Get yourself a lawyer and leave this marriage. It is not going to work. I am very sorry for the pain you are feeling.

    Yes, you can restart your life. And yes, you deserve to be with someone who actually cares about you. It will be heartbreaking and excruciating but after the pain subsides you'll experience a newness and freedom you can't even imagine.

    What you are going through is torture - emotional abuse, torture, torn at all sides and disbelief even.

    What he is showing you is real so please believe it. Take it to heart, believe it, make some changes now.

    No living person deserves to be treated with deceit and lies. You may be wondering how long it's gone on for and if she's the only one. If you've known all along or suspected but didn't know for sure until now, restart your life now.

    Don't waste those years with someone who doesn't treat you well. The worst thing you can ever do for yourself is recondition yourself into thinking you are ok or deserve this. It sounds early still and this hasn't completely destroyed your self-esteem and you do see you can restart your life. Grab onto that and leave.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Let go of what?

    What you described is something to run away from, not hang onto.

    Tell him he needs to move out and you are filing for divorce. Ignore his pleads of he will change or any other nonsense. His actions has shown you who he really is and what you mean to him.

    You are correct that you are young and have your whole life ahead of you as soon as you kick this cheating jerk to the curb.

    Lost

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I agree you have nothing to hang onto. You know you are better than this.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by KnightBlack
    he admitted that he still loves her and wonders if she’ll ever come back to him. He says he’s “here for the long run” and I don’t have to worry about her coming back because “she just won’t”. I know better.
    This is all you need to know in order to understand your marriage is already over.

    He doesn't love you. He is with you conditionally, not for the long-run. Notice how he didn't say you don't have to worry about her coming back because he has learned from his mistakes and wants to be a better husband to you? No, his willingness to stay is only contingent upon the fact that she doesn't want him right now.

    What that also means is that he is ripe for another affair with another woman. If she doesn't come back, he will find someone else. His lack of investment in you and your marriage is the real problem and it will surely happen again if you choose to stay with this doosh canoe.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Yes, it's time to let go!

    Consider him history. You're still young and have a whole lifetime ahead of you! You deserve only the best.

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