I'm jealous of my boyfriend's neice

It's pathetic, I know. I really need advice.

I am jealous of my boyfriends 6 year old niece.

We see her a few times a month. I don't like the kid, as she is spoiled rotten, and I wasn't raised to be spoiled. She cries if you tell her no.

Every time we go to their house, my fiance basically goes in the house as I'm tagging along, makes a big deal of her, picks her up, carries her around, calls her sweetie, honey, etc. And then there's me, walking in by myself, and not getting any attention from him whatsoever, which is not like him. The whole night is about her and I don't get any attention.

I know this is stupid that I'm jealous of this, but I am. I usually ignore it, and walk in the other room, but he senses my jealously and then he's mad at me for the rest of the night.

Any other day when she's not around, he's affectionate, and when we see his niece, it's like I don't exist.

Any good advice so I can overcome this? Please no harsh words.

Why do you need to be there when he sees his niece?

Tell yourself that she is a child. Also tell yourself that his affection for her is not a measure of his is affection of you. Say it over and over and stop comparing the two.

Maybe he doesn't like being affectionate in front of children, I know I don't.

We only see her for family occasions or dinners, which is about a couple times a month. He is a very affectionate person with me, always has been. He doesn't care who is around, he usually always holds my hand, kisses me, etc. Not over the top by any means. But the second we get to her house, it's like he forgets about me. I can't even touch my boyfriend because he holds her the whole night, and usually she for some reason "has" to sit by him and I get shoved to the end of the dinner table. It's just a *** moment.

I hate being jealous, but I am, because every time we go over there it's the same thing. It's SO hard for me to smile when we go in. If he does touch me when we go over there, it's a pat on the back or something.

It just doesn't make me feel very good, especially when we've been at work all day and haven't seen him, then all night I don't exist.

Little kids, little girls sometimes in particular are a lot smarter than you think. That makes me wonder just how intelligent this little girl is and if infact she sugars up a little bit because she wants you to know that SHE'S the #1 girl when ya'll around. I know this because I have a niece and I have a female dog who can be very territorial when company's over. It's just the way some women are wired; they have to know that they're number one, so they sugar up for extra attention because it soothes their ego and helps to reassure them. You fall into the same category, but not all women are like this.

My advice is she's six years old, let her have her time with her uncle and when you get yours when you go home.

How often do you get to see your boyfriend? I ask because he is only seeing his niece twice a month, and I'm sure he sees you a lot more than that. Can you really not deal with him giving more attention to a child he loves dearly one night out of every two weeks?

2 sided coin, thank you.

She is very very smart, too smart for that matter.

Her parent's do not help either. They also chime in, Betty said she wants to sit by her uncle tonight, then I'm literally at the end of the table, and my boyfriend might glace at me once.

This little girl KNOWS what she's doing.

Our relationship is great, and on a daily basis, it's the same when it comes to affection. But the second we are around his niece, our relationship changes. I don't change, my boyfriend does.

If we are around my family, I don't change how much affection I show him, etc. I guess I expect the same.

I just don't like that it has to change because of her.

We see each other every day. The part that I don't like it that it changes our relationship. Our relationship/affection shouldn't change because he see's a certain person, should it?

It's about 4 times a month.

It was a twice a month 15 minutes ago...

Anyway, if it really bothers you that much (which come on, we both know is ridiculous) then why not just stay home while he goes and visits the family? You don't have to every time, but you also don't have to go with him every time, especially if it's just making you miserable.

She's six years old. She loves her uncle and he loves her. It should be making you happy to see that, not the other way around.

We see each other every day. The part that I don't like it that it changes our relationship. Our relationship/affection shouldn't change because he see's a certain person, should it?

It's about 4 times a month.

But try to remember that this isn't just a certain person, it's a child and it's his niece. Yes little girls are manipulative and I don't doubt that she probably has him wrapped around her finger. I believe you. Is the girls father around? That could make a signficiant difference because he could very well emulate that male role perspective. If not they could just have a really good relationship. If anything, try to also remember that his interaction with his niece may also be an indication as to what kind of parent he might be. So this not only gives you an eyeball test of your partner but it also gives a crystal ball look into the future. You see how he treats her? That's going to be your kids someday and you'll be able to share that experience with him.

Like it or not, if you both are to wed soon, she basically is your niece. So she will be in the picture.

I'm not one of these women who thinks it's cute for men to be affectionate with children. I don't get close to children that are not in my immediate family.

He would be very upset if I didn't go with him, and that would cause an argument, and I know for a fact that if we went to see my family, and I was ignoring him and paying a lot of attention to someone else, he would be upset.

I agree - stay home -I'm sure the child knows you don't like her and acts accordingly - yes, it's hard to deal with a child being given more attention than you -happens in my family because we have one child who is 4 and sure I feel those feelings when I haven't seen my husband all day and I can't get a word in edgewise. But I self-talk and I deal with it because it's so worth it. In your situation, it's not. This is not your child, plus you don't like her, but it is his niece and he adores her. Give him the gift of space from you on those occasions or if you have to be there, put a smile on your face, deal with it, and let her "win".

Of course affection changes in certain situations. When youre alones its different than when youre with family, which is different than when youre with friends, which is different than when youre OH is spending time with his niece. Would you be very affectionate when say visiting an elderly relative in hospital, for example? In the end the niece likes the attention and your boyfriend likes spending time with her, youve just got to accept that youre not the only person in your boyfriends life and he will do things not always for the benefit of you.

Thank you for the advice, 2 sided coin.

The girl's father is always around, but the mother is the worst, "OH BETTY, DON'T YOU NEED TO SIT BY YOUR UNCLE?" Then the niece chimes in, and it just feels like they do it on purpose. Do I just sit there looking like an idiot, and smile?

Have you tried interacting with the little girl? Asking about her day or her favorite toys or maybe sharing an evening where you do girl things like nails and hair?

So in other words, you want us to just tell you that you're in the right, that this little girl is the devil, and that we all agree your boyfriend should only give affection to you ever.

Why come here for advice and disregard every piece of advice you get?

Thank you for the advice Batya. I can't stay home, he would be VERY upset. He said he wants me around when he visits his family.

I'm glad you know how I feel with not seeing your other half all day, then he comes home and give you barely any attention.

I will try and put a smile on my face.

It's a few times a month. You can do it.

With that being said, how about if you don't want to interact with her, with the rest of the family? Her mom, her father, whoever else is present? Do you chit chat with them?

I'm not trying to argue. I like to hear other people's opinions.

If you want to quote me on my words do it truthfully, don't say that I want you to tell me that she's the devil, I never said that. Sure, I don't like her.

Why do you need to be the center of attention all the time? Why is it so hard to let a little girl have fun with her uncle twice month?

I'm not understanding why he would be VERY upset if you didn't go especially if he knows the situation creates conflict, why would he insist that you go? Unless he's a control freak and won't let you out of his sight, then you have a completely different situation.

I do interact her, give her a hug, etc. She likes me. She is very badly behaved, and I don't like supporting her bad behavior. She gets whatever she wants. She will be banging her fork on the table, and someone will say no very nicely, and she cries for 25 min, and they let her do it. I am not going to flaunt all over her, because I don't think it helps her.

I do chit chat with them, but they are all about the niece. I guess I wasn't raised in a family where we favored one child more than the other.