I plan to commit suicide

Hi, I have a plan to commit suicide, everything is planned and prepared, I have written letters to my children, and I feel so ready for it. I'm not scared, i'mhave no fear in what I have planned, but I still know, deep down, I do not want to die. I know I just want everything to be ok, but I don't see it an option anymore. I don't want to tell a doctor or anything how bad i'm feeling, as if it got ignored, that would be it, I don't want people to think I just want attention, all I want is for everything that is going on to go away. I don't want attention, I want an answer to my problems.

Maybe I just want someone to tell me its ok to commit the suicide, its not right but its ok. I feel if I don't kill myself, things are never going to get better, if i'm honest with the doctors, I will get put in a hospital until I am safe from myself, but if that happened, I could lose my children so I would have nothing to live for anyway.

I'm just so confused, I just want it all over. Yes i'm selfish, pathetic, rubbish, bad mum, awful partner, rubbish daughter, a crap person that doesn't deserve anyone to care, but I want there to be another option.

How old are your babies?

If you go through with suicide, your children lose you & will never get your back )

If you do end up in hospital, or within a mental health ward.. Although your children may need to be cared for by others throughout the duration of your illness.. You can get them back.

Although your life may seem tough right now, and you don't want to approach a Doctor... What would you have to lose if you do? If you're at the point of ending it all, seeking help from a professional has the chance of improving your life. Improving your life and your families life.

Your family don't want to lose you. They want you to be better.

Please consider seeking professional help. They can and will help you.

If you don't want to die, then there is hope. If you can't hang in there for you, please do it for your children. Sometimes going in the hospital is the best way to show your kids that there is no shame in seeking help - they really need to hear that message and it will help them for the rest of their lives.

Suicide tells children that there is no hope for the future.

Yes i'm selfish, pathetic, rubbish, bad mum, awful partner, rubbish daughter, a crap person that doesn't deserve anyone to care, but I want there to be another option.

You're not selfish, you're just hoping for positive change. Sending some positive energy your way! *hugs*

There are always other options.

You say that going into the hospital will result in your children being taken away - but that could very well be a temporary situation if you get the help you need. And then your babies will be able to come home to a healthier, happier mother. If you kill yourself, you are ruining their lives - and you can't take it back. They will forever have to live with the knowledge that you chose to die rather than be with them.

Suicide is not the answer to everything. I understand where you're at, I've been at the bottom of my life before and felt hopeless about everything. No matter how much your life sucks at the moment, you need to realize that there is more people who will be affected than just yourself.

Please seek a medical help line as soon as possible. I had always been against counseling, but in most recent events I have found that just having someone to release my stress and getting some professional advice has made a world of a difference. It's hard to see hope when darkness surrounds, but there is always hope for new beginnings. You must focus on the beauty of life rather than the ugliness of it, and think of the people who love you most.

There is so much more to live for, don't give up.

There is always another option, things can turn around and they will. The only constant in life is change, so I promise things will change. If you can't live for yourself, live for your children and find the fight in you to try every last thing you can. What's another day, week, month year??? Just don't do it please. We all die eventually, you can wait a little longer. Life can be a job, so think of it as a job for your kids. It's hard to reach out, but you did that here and good for you. You have a sickness and everything seems so much worse because of the sickness. You deserve help and deserve to live with quality.

Get help like everyone is suggesting. Because even though you wrote letters to your children, they'll still NEVER understand why you decided to kill yourself. You'd just be setting them up for a lifetime of questions which theyd never get answers too. Yes, it's tough, I know from my own personal issues with depression and suicidal thoughts, but it's not the answer. Im getting the help I need and Im not ashamed. You should do the same. Especially for your children, they need you.

Please let us know how you are progressing, I will be wondering. Don't be hard on yourself for being ill, that's all it is. Like any other illness such as diabetes or cancer it deserves treatment. It may be brought on by circumstances but when you've hit bottom, there is only one way to go and that is up.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I urge you to not do it. Last week a young 17 year old boy committed suicide here and it has damaged the whole community and his parents. Please do not put your burden onto your children, family and friends. And doctors can help, i work at a doctor surgery and they will do everything to help you, you will not be ignored.

Your Not "selfish, pathetic, rubbish, bad mum, awful partner, rubbish daughter, a crap person that doesn't deserve anyone to care"

Everyone has been there. Hitting bottom.

Your lost and scared. And that's OK.

I've been there. And yes suicide seems like the easy answer. But there has been days that are good, happy moments. And you obviously love your kids. So they'll provide plenty of joy in your life. Mental health is not a joke topic and and doesn't mean there is not end in sight. You can do it. It's starts with the attitude and then just take small steps. Talk to a friend or family member. Write it in a journal to yourself. Get anonymous help via chat or online. Frustration and pain will go away. Its a moment in life that that is bad, there will be plenty that are good you shouldn't miss out on.

Just remember the good things that happen. Life is a complete mystery, you never know what is coming next. I thought I did and was certain of it. When that plan wasn't true, it crushed me. But hang in there and see that good will come again.

My babies are 1 & 3, I had postnatal depression after having my 3 year old that didn't get treated, so my relationship with her isn't that good. I struggle with her every day. I had depression before my daughter too, for about 5 years. My relationship with my partner has been emotionally abusive. He has said he will turn my kids against me, he uses my mental health against me all the time. He makes out like its all my fault. I hate how I feel. I don't choose to feel the way I do, but I can't stop it.

You're not selfish, pathetic, rubbish or anything else like that. Honestly, you are not. What you are right now is lost and depressed. You said yourself, you don't really want to die but you can't see any other way out. Your children will never get over it if they lose you this way. They will always wonder why and wish their mum was still here with them.

There is always hope and things can get better. You came here looking for help and that hope. You've found some help and I promise you, there is hope for you. Call this telephone number 08457 90 90 90. That is the Samaritans 24 hour hotline in the UK. It's completely confidential and they WILL listen and help you find the light at the end of that dark tunnel.

Please come back and keep posting here. I'll walk with you every step of the way.

My babies are 1 & 3, I had postnatal depression after having my 3 year old that didn't get treated, so my relationship with her isn't that good. I struggle with her every day. I had depression before my daughter too, for about 5 years. My relationship with my partner has been emotionally abusive. He has said he will turn my kids against me, he uses my mental health against me all the time. He makes out like its all my fault. I hate how I feel. I don't choose to feel the way I do, but I can't stop it.

How sweet, you have little babies.

Your bond with your daughter can still be formed, if you work towards it. Three year olds are tempermental anyway, please don't think that you have trouble with her because of your depression. At that age, they can make even a saint have a nervous breakdown.

Tell me about your baby baby. Is he/she walking yet?

Women with postpartum depression actually take really good care of their babies and children. I found three years old to be a tough age at the best of times.I also had postpartum depression with my oldest and an abusive partner. I got through it, and I promise you can too. Start with the help line. They will give you direction and somewhere to start from. One step, one day at a time. Your children will not be turned against you, don't be afraid, eventually you will be keeping them safe from having to be raised only by him...because you will be here and getting better.

My little boy is walking, he is a very happy, smiley little boy. He is always happy and loves making me laugh. He is a real mummys boy. I love him to bits. I do love my little girl, but I don't have the same connection with her as my little boy. That's made me very sad

Then work on creating a connection. Connections aren't always instant.

My little boy is walking, he is a very happy, smiley little boy. He is always happy and loves making me laugh. He is a real mummys boy. I love him to bits. I do love my little girl, but I don't have the same connection with her as my little boy. That's made me very sad

That's really sweet , you're little boy reminds me of my youngest. Don't worry, you have different relationships with your children, and you love them both. You may get to be closer to your daughter when she is older. She is in a stage of trying out her independence right now. Just love her and care for her, and don't feel bad. Sometimes we connect better at different times and stages.

Every parent has different connections with their kids. It's totally natural. The best part is seeing them grow up. You will see how those relationships evolve and grow themselves. They are both still babies and as they get older and get more personalities the bond gets that much stronger. You need to look at all the possibilities that your family has for you. What you see today will be totally different down the road and you need to be there to see it. You don't want to miss all the experiences all of you will share.

I know you're going through a lot and it's very difficult but just take it moment by moment. And visiual the future getting better when yoru in a dark place. And as long as you love your kids and encourage them to be great and be there for them when they need you they look back and realize how great of a mom they have.

My little boy is walking, he is a very happy, smiley little boy. He is always happy and loves making me laugh. He is a real mummys boy. I love him to bits. I do love my little girl, but I don't have the same connection with her as my little boy. That's made me very sad

Five years ago my daughter was in a bad place, started using drugs while she was pregnant and children services took the baby away after birth. He went into a foster home immediately. I gained custody of him and the other kids when he was only 6 months old. She never had a chance to bond with him and actually didn't like him much for a period of time. She struggled when she regained custody of the children because she had missed out on time with all of them but more importantly she hadn't formed that bond with the baby. It took some time, a couple years actually but they are very close now. Never give up hope, it may seem impossible but nothing really is.

Happydoodles I understand that you must be feeling extremely low and probably have for a long time. I cant advise you on your problems because I dont know them but I would be happy to try. The thing is everything changes. Its a natural law. And because of that, things will eventually turn around for you, whether your problems are internal or external or both. If you stay with us here you will eventually feel differently. The question is can you give it a bit more time. You have probably been feeling like this for a while, and I understand that must be exhausting but on the other hand you have nothing to lose by hanging on a bit longer. There are solutions to your problems but you probably need help to find them because feeling like this depletes you of the strength that you need for it. Whats happening in your body and brain now is that your depression debilitates your ability to think and feel differently, its blocking out any happiness or problem solving ability. Suicide is not temporary. Being away from your children while getting help getting better is a temporary solution. These feelings that you are going through are temporary. Imagine if you could see a movie of yourself and your children laughing and happy together somewhere in the not too far distance. This is completely possible and even likely, even if thats hard to believe now.

1-800-273-8255.

They will help you with what you need. Let us know when you are off the phone with them.

My babies are 1 & 3, I had postnatal depression after having my 3 year old that didn't get treated, so my relationship with her isn't that good. I struggle with her every day. I had depression before my daughter too, for about 5 years. My relationship with my partner has been emotionally abusive. He has said he will turn my kids against me, he uses my mental health against me all the time. He makes out like its all my fault. I hate how I feel. I don't choose to feel the way I do, but I can't stop it.

You and your children deserve better then this poor excuse for a man. Please don't kill yourself. Your babies need you, you are the only mother they will every have. Please contact a women's shelter and ask about resources for getting out of an emotionally abusive situation. Your are not the problem, he is.

These guys might be able to help your: link removed

Remember: You are the mother lion, the mother grizzle who stands between the world and your children until they can take the world on for themselves.

Do you know what female lions do if the male isn't doing his job? They all gang up on him and kick him out of the pride.

I have felt this way for a long time, on and off for 8 years. I learnt to.cope with it before but things just got worse and worse over the last year, until I finally gave up trying around 4 months ago and I just started going downhill, I feel the worst I have ever felt, I have felt bad before, I have attempted suicide the past, but this time feels different, I feel like its right, but I don't want it to be. I feel so guilty for the way I feel, my children deserve a happy mum, but I feel like I can't be the mum they need.

I have felt this way for a long time, on and off for 8 years. I learnt to.cope with it before but things just got worse and worse over the last year, until I finally gave up trying around 4 months ago and I just started going downhill, I feel the worst I have ever felt, I have felt bad before, I have attempted suicide the past, but this time feels different, I feel like its right, but I don't want it to be. I feel so guilty for the way I feel, my children deserve a happy mum, but I feel like I can't be the mum they need.

But you can be the mum they need, you ARE the mum they need. They love you, they really really do.