"I really want to be friends"

So not a break up persay but I was seeing someone for 6 weeks. The last couple of weeks his interest clearly wasn't there and he became distant, only wanted to make last minute plans after he would make sure his buddies didn't want to do something.

Anyways, clearly not going to work so I ended it, told him that I do not like being the back up. He said I was right, he's not ready to be a boyfriend and he respects that I won't accept that treatment. We ended things saying that maybe friends was best, he said that I'm an awesome girl that he likes hanging out with me and talking, etc...

We talked a few days later where it was clear that he was feeling a TON of pressure to be in a relationship with me because we slept together after 7 dates and I asked him where we were at. I was clear that I eventually wanted a relationship but was not pushy at all. So he took this as pressure and felt like he had to make a decision to either "commit" or back off. He backed off. He told me on the phone that he feels he is broken, that it wasn't fair to me because he came on VERY strong and he knows it was too much, how he really doesn't know what he wants, that he is enjoying just being "him" and selfish right now and he's not ready to give that up.

So conversation was over and he sent me a text telling me that he really was serious about being friends. I made light of it and said "haha...isn't that what they all say" . And he said no, he really meant it. I replied and just said "time will tell" afterall, I wasn't friends with him before. He said yes it will and then started asking me questions about my day (which he didn't do when we were "dating"). I answered that my day was good and said I was going to bed, the next day I texted him a funny pic and a link to something on youtube and he replied as soon as he picked up the messages.

So that's that. I noticed yesterday that he was back on POF all night with his profile still hidden (I actually do not know if he even stopped checking pof out at all)

Where my head is right now is do I even want to be his friend? Will I just want something more?

I don't see his motivation and maybe I could get some opinions on what it means. Why be friends with me? If I'm that awesome and he likes being around me then why not date me? My friend seems to think it's over because he couldn't take the pressure of knowing I wanted a relationship when he just wanted to take things slow with no pressure so he ended it to get rid of that pressure and but he still wants to get to know me more as friends first.

I'm not so sure but I gave him an out and he insisted on staying friends. Does he want to keep me around for an ego boost? Because he knows I liked him?

I'm tempted to just let it go and decline being friends because I never knew him before we dated. The whole experience has been a rollercoaster with him coming on strong, so affectionate and touchy even out in public, telling me how much I he likes me and then 2 weeks later not even wanting to see me, telling me he realized that he had no romantic interest (fooled me!) and that he really wants to be friends.

I think he likes you but he's not ready to give up playing the field. It seems like his behaviour was geared toward getting you to sleep with him then backing off after getting what he wanted, so that's a red flag.

I'm tempted to just let it go and decline being friends because I never knew him before we dated. The whole experience has been a rollercoaster with him coming on strong, so affectionate and touchy even out in public, telling me how much I he likes me and then 2 weeks later not even wanting to see me, telling me he realized that he had no romantic interest (fooled me!) and that he really wants to be friends.

That nagging feeling is your gut telling you that he was playing you, so if you decided to walk away, don't feel bad. If you're truly meant to be friends and/or lovers, you can meet up again in a few years after he's had time to get all the playing out of his system.

Friendships arent forced, they just grow. You didnt go through all this soul searching and analyzing to become friends with your other friends did you? Probably not. This is why these things never turn into "just friends"

I think he likes you but he's not ready to give up playing the field. It seems like his behaviour was geared toward getting you to sleep with him then backing off after getting what he wanted, so that's a red flag.

 

 

 

That nagging feeling is your gut telling you that he was playing you, so if you decided to walk away, don't feel bad. If you're truly meant to be friends and/or lovers, you can meet up again in a few years after he's had time to get all the playing out of his system.

I don't feel like he played me. Maybe he didn't enjoy the sex though. We slept together 3 times, 2 he did not get off and the 3rd time I'm pretty sure he faked it lol. Despite how much he said he liked me I got the feeling he just wasn't ready to open up. Based on things he said though, it didn't seem like he's a player or dated that much at all, he's a bit of a big nerd. But maybe it just opened his eyes to not wanting to settle down and wanting to get out there. Then again maybe I'm completely wrong and he's just a really good player.