He chose drugs over me or it was all a lie. Need words from others, please.

I think everyone has thought about at some point in their life- the true soul mate. The inexplicable feeling that your soul is with its match. I had that. I felt at peace, no matter the chaos going on around me. I slept better in his arms than I have at any point in my life. The nightmares that once plagued my sleep were gone. Sex, for the first time, was an experience that transcended space and time. I felt whole.

Unfortunately, he was an opioid addict. Over the months, he grew worse. He lied. He stole. He risked my life and compromised my job. At one point, he admitted the problem and for a few weeks, I watched him go through withdrawal. He was going to get sober for me, have a real life- for me. He failed. In the end, he lied about having cancer to get money from his family and have a blanket excuse for why he needed the pills. I had lost completely. That man was gone.

So, now. It's been 7 months since I've seen him. I don't know whether the experience I had was a case of a true soulmate and due to life's cruelty, he chose drugs over me. Or, was it all a lie? Was it a grand manipulation to get everything he could out of me to fund his habit? Whichever reality it is, I find them both hard to cope with. I am having trouble moving forward. Some days, out of the blue, he comes into my mind- a flash of memory, and I break down. Every future relationship seems pointless if I already had my soulmate and lost him. I'll never get that again. On the other hand, thinking I had true peace, my soul's match and having that be all one big lie, one cruel joke, is too much to handle. I can't cope with that possibility because then I have to question my perception of everything. Accepting that those feelings were one sided and all part of someone using me is too painful to bear.

I'd like to know, from others' experiences and opinions, which is more likely the case and how can I possibly accept that as the truth and move forward? Thank you, all.

Eek. Run and dont look back. He probably wasn't your soulmate or it would work out. Somebody better is up ahead.

Don't feel too bad. As somebody who fell into the opiate hole when i was younger, as well as having seen the effects on a lot of people, i can tell you this. Those drugs really change the person. He's not the same person u fell in love with anymore. Don't hate yourself for falling for that old person, but don't regret your decision either. Run far away and dont look back. Junkies are trouble.

It doesn't matter what label you put on your relationship. What matters is how it made you feel and what you learned from it. Was he your "soulmate"? Who knows. But it doesn't mean that everything you felt when you were with him was a lie.

What you felt wasn't a lie. But like skygreen1111 said, the true person disappears when an addiction takes over. The guy you fell in love with has been replaced by an addict. There is no quick or easy way back from addiction, and it only works when the addict is ready and willing to get help. And they relapse, a lot. My dad is an alcoholic, sober for a few years now, but he fell off the wagon and relapsed many times and there is a chance he will again. And my mum told me, the man she fell in love with and married is gone. But she won't leave, her upbringing was marriage is for life. But I watched what she has gone through and I would never ever wish that on someone. Be glad that you had some wonderful times with a wonderful man, but you need to accept that his addiction won, and your man is gone. And while it might seem like he "chose" it over you, think of it like he just couldn't win the fight against the drugs.

See if you can find a Nar-Anon meeting near you; it seems from your post that you are really suffering in a general sense, more than just a run-of-the mill relationship breakdown. If you can get to a meeting, it will help put your experience into perspective because the other group members will have had experiences similar to yours, as will anyone who's had a relationship with an addict of any kind. Here's a link: link removed

I am a recovered alcoholic and I know a lot of addicts. Only about 1 out of 10 opiate addicts ever recover. During my struggle with alcoholism I made all those same promises to my ex wife. I failed every time. Alcoholics and addicts are incapable of keeping promises. Even if we truly believe and intend on keeping them. This disease is so powerful, it makes us hurt those closest to us. You've done the right thing in staying away from him. Try and forgive him and pray that he will one day get better. I know it's hard to turn away from someone you care about. One of my best friends is a heroin addict. I tried to help him, let him into my home and he stole from me and nearly burnt my house down. I did all I could to help but had to turn my back on him. One of the hardest decisions I ever made. He was like a brother to me. I hope this was helpful. If you need someone to talk too, you may find it useful to attend an Ala-non meeting. Those are meetings for people whose lives have been affected by alcoholics and addicts.

I'm sorry you're going through this now. Yes, I went through something very similar in my late 20s. The man was everything I'd ever wanted and like you I slept better, I felt better, I was better with him. He was also addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs. We went through a lot together and I finally gave him an ultimatum--me or your substances, you can't have both. I've heard from him once since then in a phone call where he told me loved me, but had no desire to break free. That was over 30 years ago. I think they do love, but the hold a substance has on them is just too strong. My father was an alcoholic too, a recovered one eventually but only when he got to the point that he knew he'd lose everything if he didn't break free. He once tried to explain the lure of alcohol to me as the fact that even though he knew what he was doing was destructive, that he knew how much it hurt everyone, and that he loved his family it still just wasn't enough. He told me every night he'd swear he'd walk by the bar on his way home and not go in, and every night he lost that battle. Until one day when he didn't care what price he had to pay, he wanted out and it still was a struggle pretty much until the day he passed away 25 years sober later.

The fact is your guy did and does love you, but until he decides he wants free of his addictions and is willing to go through the pain of getting clean and staying clean no amount of love is going to change things. It's nothing you did or could do to change him and opiate addiction is even harder to give up than alcohol. As Acab96 says just try and forgive him and pray for him. Focus on yourself and heal. I can say that I did love again after that with someone else, but it's not an easy thing to get through or past. Be kind to yourself and keep going.

Let me start by saying that love for a man is huge. When we find it, there is no mistaking it. I think you may be my wife. I am not sure. Let me say to you if you are. I never ever through the years of my drug addiction stopped loving you. My choices at some point became not so clear. The choice to take those pills as some point became a necessity and not a choice. Well let me rephrase, At some point I lost my inner me and I now see that its by design. I never wanted to be the piece of **** I turned into. I loved you the moment I met you. I knew you where too my soul mate. To be honest I ran like heck from it at first because it scared me so. That feeling when you opened the door and stole my breath. It was and never will be a lie inside of me.

I can not take back the years I stole from us and you because I allowed something in our lives together that I was unable to control. However I grieve the loss daily. I look back in utter horror over the words, fights, actions, loss. The summing up of ones self is never indicative of one choice. Its a sum of many choices that " at least for me" resemble my person. Given the ability to step back in time. I would put you back on the pedestal I had you on and never allow you to step down. You are and will always be my queen. Loosing my self respect and then watching it drain from you over time was enough.

I never lied to you about my feelings. I loved you from go. I too felt it. I too never wanted to touch another. Something, that I allowed to take a hold destroyed that. So I am to blame. I own it. You need to hear from me that choices, just sometimes choices are not clear. Weighing the options now, clean and my spirit return to me by the grace of GOD. I choose you. I always choose you. Those opiates were from the pit of hell. Allowed by me, through my choices, to enter and destroy. You see Love, real love is a rare thing. That feeling you felt. That love that transcended anything you ever felt up until then. I too felt it. Only GOD can bring that about. SO in that. Being such a rare thing. I believe Satan is the destroyer of such. For me I choose to believe that. We all have our beliefs. I in no way dispel culpability for my actions and I accept my fault to use. I only say this so that you hear me. Love was never a lie. Ever. At my worst, with a gun in my mouth, the love I have for you kept me. That's from GOD. Dont ever call it a lie. Lost yes, lie no. I for ever will love you for standing by me when I was lost. I will for ever love you fro sharing with me such a wonderful and rare thing as such as we shared. True love.

8 years beautiful. 8 years I can never give back to you. I can only summon the humility to write this to you in some small hope of easing your pain and questions. It was never a lie. I was so lost. You being the foundation of my heart and life. Rooted where you always could be found. You where my beacon. My light to which I looked to navigate back to the world. I can never repay that. Your love for me was my saving grace.

Dont ever question such a wonderful thing.

You my beautiful wife are and will always be my soul mate.

I love you

C

He did love you and probably more because he was getting high... So Ofcourse he did. But the drugs won that battle and thank God you got out! Seriously! Those drugs will take the sweetest guy and turn them into a pathological liar to the umpteenth power. There cannot be trust when there are drugs involved. Again I say you are lucky it's over.

Thank you @lostinabottle Thank you so much for writing what you did. I’ve been searching for this. I know my soulmate (turned meth addict) is speaking through you to me. I felt him saying everything you just said to me. I know it to be true. I am trying to move on but exactly like the girl above described, it’s so difficult. I pushed him out of my life because i could not endure the pain he caused being in my life but it’s such a rock & hard space because I am having a hard time enduring the pain of him not in my life. Either way, it’s so painful. Thank you.

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