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Thread: My Ex really lowered my esteem/confidence, what should I do?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jan 2013

    My Ex really lowered my esteem/confidence, what should I do?

    I was at a party and met this really good looking girl, we went back to her place that night but never had sex. As the weeks went by we really began to like each other and eventually became a couple. She was my first girlfriend and eventually the first girl I fell in love with. I was a sophomore in college she was a freshman and she was a very good looking girl and was getting hit on more than I liked this made me a little jealous sometimes. She was always telling me how good looking I was and how attracted she was to me. She always wanted to have sex, and had sex in other relationships before me, however bc of my religion I am abstinent, and this was a problem she was always asking and I always said no. We would walk holding hands and she would say things like "I'd be pissed if you hooked up with another girl", then a week or so later I found out she was texting a couple other guys, after a month had gone by and I was really pissed/hurt and she said she was sorry and that she didn't want to be left alone with nobody if I dumbed her (she had no clue she was my first GF). After this I guess you could say I became pretty needy, and it was bc she was my first everything and guys were hitting on her and really trying to get with her so I was constantly checking her phone behind her back, asking if she was texting other guys, looking for reassurance in our relationship. We split for a short time and said some nasty things to each other to hurt each others feelings, then we got back and I said that I was just lying and I really was very attracted to her, she said that she was lying and that she thought I was very good looking. During our split she was talking to some guy and when we got back together he was constantly trying to talk to her, towards the end of our relationship I asked her did she want to be with him and she kept saying no no. Then we broke up for real this time and
    she immediately was with this guy, and wanted to hop in a relationship with him after like 3 weeks. This KILLED my self esteem/confidence and it made me doubt myself as far as maybe she wanted to be with him bc he was better looking (which she said he wasn't, and I honestly don't think he is), and basically I was just really hurt by everything and loved her. She wanted to get back together 4 weeks later but I said no, then she started talking all this crap about me to her friends. Its been several months later and she has "talked" to other guys moved on and is happy, meanwhile I haven't had any new girls, still have low esteem/confidence and I don't know why. My mom said I probably turn girls off because I don't smile, plus I know I a good looking guy but its almost like I'm constantly looking for reassurance from somebody else that I am. I just want to meet new girls and move on and be happy and regain confidence but I don't know how.

  2. #2
    Edmund Exley
    Platinum Member Edmund Exley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    On the QT and very Hush Hush!
    Your self esteem wasn't lowered by anything she did, you already had somewhat low self esteem and your opening sentences are evidence of that. You point out being jealous of guys hitting on her, when you said she was a good looking girl. Confident guys know that dating a good looking girl and having her hit on comes with the territory.

    Her dating another guy and you worrying about if he was better looking didnt destroy your self esteem. Your having those worries is what was already inside of you as your low self esteem is what caused you to have such worries. Her dating him just brought it to awareness.

    What your mom told you also supports that your self esteem issues existed prior to this girl breaking up with you.

    There are plenty of treatments out there to help build self esteem, but the first step is beleiving in yourself, thats the hardest part for most to overcome.

  3. #3
    Silver Member dion333's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Sound like you(and her) focus alot on image and looks? Not a very stable place to build something on.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Yes @Dion333 I agree, and that is something that I have come to realize with this experience. And Yes @Edmund_Exley I didn't have strong confidence before she just kind of added to the effect but thank you for your advice I appreciate it and will continue to try realizing that the biggest part of Self esteem/confidence is "Self" I've already made progress by choosing to be happy everyday I wake up and it has helped a lot.

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