Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 7 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 65

Thread: My wife wants to experiment with another woman

  1. #1
    confusedbywife

    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    6
    Gender
    Male

    Unhappy My wife wants to experiment with another woman

    So my wife dropped a bombshell on me last night. She said is having lesbian desires and would like to have a sexual encounter with a female in order to satisfy this desire. We talked calmly for a couple hours and I said that I would have to think about it as there is so much stuff that I want to think about with the situation. We have been married for 6 years and together for 9. We have 2 children, aged 9 and 4, which complicates things furthur.

    She says that she would want to have an encounter without me there the first time at least. She also said that we could even potentially have a threesome, but I wouldn't be allowed to kiss them. I was just dumbfounded at this point and didn't know how to respond. I don't want anything to do with another woman. I am perfectly satisfied with my wife and my life. I know that all men have a fantasy of having a threesome with their wife and another woman and I did get briefly excited at the prospect of this, but I started thinking about all the problems that could come afterwards with something like that. It also seemed that she was using that prospect to try and convince me that it could be a good idea if I let her do it.

    She also informed me that the woman she has been obsessing over is a co-worker and about 50 years old. My wife is 30 and I am 31. She insists that nothing has happened and it has been tough for her because she has repressed these desires for much of he life, which I had no idea about. She told me about one time when she was an early teen where a friend and her "grinded" together but it was awkward and they stopped doing it. She also had a really early experience where she kissed a girl, but that was before she was 10.

    I've been up all night stressed out about it not sleeping, just thinking about all the different scenarios and what the consequences would be. Would she be satisfied with a single encounter, or would it be ongoing? Would I be alright with this after the fact? Would she want to do it more often? Would I eventually make it to the back of her intimacy chart, behind the other woman? What would we tell the kids, if anything? Is this the slippery slope towards divorce?

    After being up all night, I told her that I wasn't ok with it. I considered it cheating and I had a kind of emotional breakdown telling her that this isn't my idea of marriage and I couldn't live with the consequences afterwards.

    She says that she is just going to forget about it and that we will just continue as normal. I said that we had to maybe go and see a sex therapist together or some sort of marriage counseling in order to talk through her desires, her issues, and my issues with the situation. We are no strangers to marriage counseling, as we went through a bunch of sessions about 1 1/2 years ago and they were very successful in saving our marriage at the time. She wanted to leave at that point but I somehow convinced her through counseling and deep meaningful conversation that were right for each other. We have since went to individual counseling as well just to talk through our own issues. Those were very successful as well. Sometimes you just need to talk to an outside party in order to gain some perspective on the situation. I do worry now that she will resent me for saying no, but the more I think about it, the more I think it was the best decision. Infidelity is something you cannot reverse, so I think this needs to be properly thought out and talked through. Who knows? Maybe I will come to the realization that it is not as life-shattering as I think it will be, but at this point I am being very cautious...

    Is my marriage destined to fail? What am I supposed to do? I am seriously considering divorce, but I love her beyond words and my family is my number one priority in life. ARRRG! Why does marriage have to be such a struggle sometimes?

  2. #2
    pl3asehelp

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Francisco
    Age
    41
    Posts
    9,035
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    7
    I'd just leave her. She clearly has several issues and is just using you as a safety net to provide some stability in her life. I'd pull that rug right out from under her and let her fend for herself. She already wanted to leave you in the past, now she asks you to cheat - and all this after going to counseling. I just don't see her getting any better. After both these incidents, how could you ever feel secure or comfortable in your marriage? She's going to have to lose it all to realize she needs to get to the bottom of her issues. People in their 30's don't experiment - they cheat.

  3. #3
    happyfrank
    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Burbank, CA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,296
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    373
    I would recommend to have peaceful divorce for the kids and let her be what it seems always was and that is Lesbian.

  4. #4
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    8
    Yuck, how nasty for you. I agree that she basically wants to cheat on you, and now, despite saying to forget about it, you will be wondering if she will cheat with this woman - no foundation for a marriage.

    And, yet you are trapped because the chances are that if you were to divorce she will end up with the kids and house etc.

  5. #5
    Edmund Exley
    Platinum Member Edmund Exley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    On the QT and very Hush Hush!
    Posts
    7,008
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1109
    It seems to me that you already have a pretty clear understanding of the issue at hand and all the possible fallout. Obviously no one can predict if your marriage is destined to fail, and I do not agree that you should just leave her.

  6. #6
    pl3asehelp

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Francisco
    Age
    41
    Posts
    9,035
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    7
    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    Yuck, how nasty for you. I agree that she basically wants to cheat on you, and now, despite saying to forget about it, you will be wondering if she will cheat with this woman - no foundation for a marriage.

    And, yet you are trapped because the chances are that if you were to divorce she will end up with the kids and house etc.
    Why would she get any more than shared custody of the kids and half the house?

  7. #7
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    8
    Quote Originally Posted by pl3asehelp [Register to see the link]
    Why would she get any more than shared custody of the kids and half the house?
    Because few places have enacted laws requiring that, and even when they have, many judges still find reasons to circumvent.

  8. #8
    pl3asehelp

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Francisco
    Age
    41
    Posts
    9,035
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    7
    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    Because few places have enacted laws requiring that.
    I don't know of anywhere in the US where if you get a competent lawyer you can't get this.

  9. #9
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    8
    Why do so many people always assume that everyone on this forum lives in the US?

    In any event, I am not going to argue the point - the OP will find enough difficulties whether he decides to stay in the marriage or divorce.

  10. #10
    happyfrank
    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Burbank, CA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,296
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    373
    I agree with DN. Laws always seem to favor the mother more.

  11.  

Page 1 of 7 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
Fiance Caught Cheating...Well Almost
Hi all, So today has been a dreadful and gut wrenching day for me as I caught my fiancÚ [I]almost[/I] cheating. I would like advice on my
Husband calling back page escorts
Short version: 4yrs ago I found out about this sick little world of Back page hookers he was involved in. We fought, cried, apologized, etc... "I'm
I messed up really badly
So I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for six months and I really love her. She said the only way she could ever stop loving me is if I
Emotional cheating...
Been with my girlfriend almost 7 years. Had a few ups and downs like any relationship I suppose. We moved into our second home together last year. We
Confused or in denial
This is my first time posting on a forum and I am not sure why I am as I'm pretty sure I know the answers already that I'm looking for. I had been
I am in a long term relationship of five years and my year long crush keeps trying to hook up
My five year relationship is struggling at best and we don't connect anymore. I've tried to work on it but I've basically given up. Breaking up is
My gf has a guy friend and won't tell him that we are together and receives money
When my gf and I started dating, her guy friend who she receives lots of money from was on his way over. She said, can u pretend to be my cousin or
Featured Threads
Boyfriend checking out of relationship?!
My boyfriend of over a year said that he feels like he's starting to check out of the relationship because my jealousy issues have been frustrating
Can't let go of my husband's past and thinking of breaking up. Am I crazy?
Hello, I married my husband 1.5 years ago. I have two sons from my previous marriage. Both sons have good relationship with my new husband. I was
Girlfriend got a tattoo I don't like, how to deal?
I've been dating this girl for over a year. About 2 months ago, she mentioned wanting a tattoo and showed me the design she wanted. Tattoos are an
Good thoughts /prayers for my mom she is surgery right now.
My mom is currently in surgery for total knee replacement.
Accidentally found out info about ex I wish I hadn't
I'll try to keep this brief. Ran into the ex on a kik group chat. She doesn't (at least I'm assuming) doesn't know I was in the same group with
My exgf of two relationships ago is about to get married...
and it hurts! The back story: we dated for the years and for what felt like the entire time, all she did was nag me about everything (one of them
I think I've made a huge mistake...
Hey everyone, This is my first post on this website but I need advice. My husband and I have been married a year and a half. In the beginning
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •