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Thread: Showing up at my house.....and I wasnt happy about it and he got pissed

  1. #1
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    Showing up at my house.....and I wasnt happy about it and he got pissed

    So my BF has keys to my place....mostly so he can enter if Im not home yet, or lock up if he leaves after me.
    My general rule is to know if he is coming over...he doesnt just show up to surprise me.

    We went out separately on Friday night.
    I hadnt heard from him all evening, he knew where I was.
    I txted him around 1130 to ask if he had gone out with his buddies---he said he had and told me where he was....and ask if I was heading home soon.

    I replied that I was likely heading home soon and if he wanted to come over to let me know.

    I never heard from him....so txted at 1230 to say I was heading home.
    Nothing in response.

    I got home around 1am and txted gnight. He wrote back night. I went to sleep.

    I woke at 3am to his coming into my house!!

    He came into my room and I said why are you here?
    He said it was the same distance back to his place as it was to head to mine, he opted to come to mine.

    I said that doesnt make sense, if its the same distance and I said g'night to you 2 HOURS ago-----why are you here?
    He got really upset..and said fine Ill leave-----I said that would be dumb, you're here no no reason to drive back double the distance.

    He said no Ill go----and he headed out. I let him go (I used to chase after guys, I will no longer beg someone to stay)

    And he left.....I went to sleep.

    I did wake up early on Saturday morning, and upon coming to called him.
    He was more than angry, saying he had never been treated that way, or had someone react that way when he has shown up at their door.
    I said....well maybe not, but that was them, this is me....Im not them.

    He then started to compare me to his ex. Lovely.
    From what I know----she kept spacing more and more time away from him, and would be nasty to him most of the time (he and his friends have told me the stories)----and Im connecting the dots to think that she didnt like his showing up....when he did so to her.
    But it REALLY got under my skin that he started the comparison.

    I just said to him the logic didnt make sense to me....if it was the same distance home, as to my place, why would you come here 2 HOURS after I said gnight?
    He didnt really have an answer.

    I just told him roles reversed, I would go home EVERY time.

    Am I totally being a brat here?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    Somewhat. Were you that upset he showed up?

    My bf used to come by on his way home sometimes...he lives mile past me. As I was sleeping, he would just come in, wake me up (of course) and go back to sleep. However, I did it once to him ---- and his response, like yours was "what are you doing here?"

    So --- it is about setting boundaries and explaining your thinking. Try not to be so defensive -- and get to the underlying issue. Because it isn't about coming over.

  3. #3

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    Are you 32? Bizarre.

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    I think you were way out of line and don't blame him at all for being angry and upset.

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  6. #5
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    You invited him over, you shouldn't ask why he came by, he obviously wanted to spend time with you. I would be upset if I were him too.

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    i would be hurt too if i were him. yes i think you over-reacted. i'm a grumpy person when i'm woken from sleep prematurely, but i think i would have just rolled over and saved my annoyance until the morning at least. how long have you been together?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member HeatherB's Avatar
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    I think he brought up his ex as a way to defend himself. Regardless, you both escalated a simple misunderstanding.

    This is just a small fight. Keep it small. Invite him over and have a nice time together and make up. Wait on discussing the entire topic for a week or two. There is no urgency here even though it might feel like it at the moment.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member LoveSoDeep's Avatar
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    I understand why you were upset...he's lucky he didn't end up with a face full of mace or worse.

    You asked if he wanted to come by and he didn't respond not even with a "maybe"...key or no key I don't like people showing up unannounced in the middle of the night. Would it have been okay if he had responded when you asked him saying "I'm not sure yet but if I decide later can I just drop in?"....I think the problem here is he thinks you just didn't want to see him and really the problem is you weren't fond of the middle of the night surprise. You need to talk through that with him.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member loveology's Avatar
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    I think you completely overreacted. It just seems like such a minor thing to me especially considering you had already invited him over earlier in the evening and I think your reaction was unwarranted. If it annoyed you that much, I don't understand why you couldn't have just politely asked him to call you next time.

  11. #10
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    Had either or both of you been drinking?

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