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Thread: Showing up at my house.....and I wasnt happy about it and he got pissed

  1. #51
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    Originally Posted by HDC80
    Cope----
    Ive thought about his position.....and curious how I would have felt in his shoes---and then realized, I would never put myself in that position. I would never just go over to my BF's house out of desire to see him and surprise him.....unless we had plans I wouldnt just drop by.

    So I would never get that reaction from him, as I would never put myself or him in that situation to begin with.

    Plus it was 3am....logical thinking skills do come into play here....desire to see GF and surprise her...she doesnt like surprises or people coming by without plans first...I didnt confirm, and its 3am and she has been asleep for 2 hours...does this seem like a good idea.
    All points go to NO does NOT seem like a good idea.
    Again, still thinking of things from your angle only. This is going to be the last input I put in this thread here since I'm not trying to turn this into a whole debate because, like I mentioned, I understand why and how you could be upset from it. Not judging you, to each their own.

    Just because YOU would never put yourself in that position doesn't mean he wouldn't nor does it mean nobody else would. Obviously a lot of people on this thread alone disagree with you on your sort of reaction. Again, it's your house and it's your life so if you've told him not to do something like that and you're mad that's fine.

    However, to say that all logical points go to it's a bad idea and he shouldn't have done it is off. With my ex whom I was with for 3 years I can distinctly recall 2 times when I had stopped by unannounced. Once, I stopped by late in the AM coming home from a party and stopped by her place. She was asleep, I had woken her up, and even though I had planned on just knocking out on the couch because I was too tired to drive home she asked me to come to bed anyways and we just snuggled up, slept the day away, I made her breakfast the next morning, and we went wine tasting the next morning unexpectedly. Bad outcome? No.

    The other time I stopped by coming home from visiting my brother. She had asked me to come over the day before to go watch a movie but I couldn't as I was busy with family. On the way home I stopped by late, probably around 1 A.M or so, and she was up crying. Unfortunately she was still up because her grandpa had passed away. I comforted her all night until she was able to fall asleep and then I passed out too.

    Point is, surprises aren't always a bad thing. It's just your view of the guy. You're seeing him as a bother when he stops by and if it really is for you then it is, whatever. I know sometimes when I'm studying or am excited to do something for myself I don't want to be disturbed either. Just need to be able to look on the flipside.
    Last edited by Cope and Hope; 01-28-2013 at 05:33 PM.

  2. #52
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    PL3....
    So you're saying no one else on Earth would be okay having to CALL OR TXT and get a RESPONSE that its okay to come over???

    Come on!

    You cant tell me that everyone on Earth is okay with people randomly stopping by whenever they please
    I can think of many people who complain about this very thing in their lives.....on TV, in articles....

    Im unsure why I have to adjust to someone having free reign of my HOME unless they LIVE there.

  3. #53
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    Does it make a difference if I had an appointment in the morning and had to be up at 830am?

    Yes he knew about the appointment

    So we couldnt have slept in and then gone wine tasting.....

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    Originally Posted by HDC80
    PL3....
    So you're saying no one else on Earth would be okay having to CALL OR TXT and get a RESPONSE that its okay to come over???

    Come on!

    You cant tell me that everyone on Earth is okay with people randomly stopping by whenever they please
    I can think of many people who complain about this very thing in their lives.....on TV, in articles....

    Im unsure why I have to adjust to someone having free reign of my HOME unless they LIVE there.
    Might be one or two people out there, but I think most would find this downton abbey formal, uncool, cold, and unwelcoming. The way I look at it is - if he randomly comes over and you're busy with something, that's his problem. It doesn't have to turn into some emergency inconvenience to you. Another thing you can do is just tell him you're busy and the he leaves, same end result as if he had he called or texted.

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  6. #55
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    Honelslty, I agree with you in that if he knows your boundaries he needs to respect them (though the key is a bit of a mixed message) but I think you are both making too big a deal out of it. Your house, your rules. He obviously agreed to them at some point.

    I would apologise for being so unwelcoming, but stand firm on your boundaries.

  7. #56
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    PL3....but to avoid all of that... coming over and it being his problem....or his deciding to leave----wouldnt it be just as easy to CHECK FIRST to not drive the 40 minutes to my place, only to just turn around?
    Also...its rude if you have a guest to just keep doing as you're doing like they're not there....so if I was in the middle of something I would need to stop.

    Im not looking for a few days notice----he could txt me at 730 and say he was in the area....and if I got it would then say sure come on by....or no Im in the middle of something sorry!

    Im having a hard time grasping that this is SO formal that its like dance cards, and gentleman calling cards.

    The irony....is most of my friends dont like unexpected visitors to their places either----further telling me that only finding a few people who would be okay with this to be rather outlandish.

  8. #57
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    I told him its not that I didnt want to have him around----its that he didnt use good logical thinking skills and wasnt respectful.

    He just kept saying that he had never had a reaction like that to just showing up.

    I just kept saying well....Im not everyone.

    Its not like I was in bed with someone else, or nervous about getting caught doing something I shouldnt.
    I was in bed....in my comfy pants and tank top----totally passed out.

  9. #58
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    He isnt your friend..maybe thats were alot of people dont agree...you dont have to agree your rules are your rules..thats just were a lot of people would be like yeah its late but w/e if my gf showed up i would porbably be like yeah what the hell are you doing here but would quickyl get over it...

    im not saying your wrong..im just saying where you stand firm..a lot of people would give in

  10. #59
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    Originally Posted by HDC80
    You cant tell me that everyone on Earth is okay with people randomly stopping by whenever they please
    Of course not, but this isn't "people randomly stopping by whenever they please", it's your boyfriend doing it, once...if it's that big a deal I am afraid you are not quite as flexible as you are saying. Flexibility does not just mean booking a trip at short notice, it also means putting up with stuff that is less than optimal for you, within reason.

    All the other examples of your behaviour you have given are of pretty normal, reasonable flexibility. So why not on this issue?

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    It's formal of you to think that if you're in the middle of something and your guy comes over you need to stop or you're being rude. If you're not interested in changing your attitude and don't see the potential disservice it's doing to you I don't think you really need any more advice. He's not going to forget what happened or do it again, I can promise you that. He may very well likely bolt on you after this, but if you're ok with that because you value these rules more than a SO, then that would be in your favor - very logical.

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