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Thread: Showing up at my house.....and I wasnt happy about it and he got pissed

  1. #41
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    Doc-----
    I have just picked up and gone to a party that I got word of hours after I was already out doing something else.

    I randomly got asked to go to the Bahamas for a long weekend and booked my flight 5 days prior to departure.

    My friends tell me Im random and spontaneous and go with the flow----they ask how I do it.

  2. #42

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    I just dont like someone showing up at my doorstep un-announced.
    This is representative of the attitude towards him that I am talking about. He should not be viewed as just 'someone'.

  3. #43
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    Cope----
    Ive thought about his position.....and curious how I would have felt in his shoes---and then realized, I would never put myself in that position. I would never just go over to my BF's house out of desire to see him and surprise him.....unless we had plans I wouldnt just drop by.

    So I would never get that reaction from him, as I would never put myself or him in that situation to begin with.

    Plus it was 3am....logical thinking skills do come into play here....desire to see GF and surprise her...she doesnt like surprises or people coming by without plans first...I didnt confirm, and its 3am and she has been asleep for 2 hours...does this seem like a good idea.
    All points go to NO does NOT seem like a good idea.

  4. #44
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    I use the term someone as it applies to ANYONE ......
    Family, friend, BF

    The ONLY person who has the okay to do this----is my roommate.
    She lives there she can come and go as she pleases with no questions or heads up required.

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  6. #45
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    would you say you act the same way with your friends as you do your boyfriend? would your boyfriend call you random, spontaneous or flexible? i ask because you can act one way with your friends and entirely different way with your SO. i know people who are very nice to their friends/other people but plain 'ol mean/grumpy with their boyfriends.

  7. #46
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    He would say the same thing about me.

    My friends know my boundary about just showing up at my house unannounced.....they know to call or txt and get a response from me prior.

    I dont treat him any differently than I do my friends.

    If he said he wanted to go to a mexican place for dinner, then says he would prefer to stay home and grab take out (or cook in)----cool.
    If we plan to cook in/do take out and he then wants to go out----great lets go.

    He wants to head to a bar half way through watching the game....great...we're out and he wants to head home....awesome.
    We have plans to go out on our own for some drinks...and his buddy calls and wants us or even just him to meet up (even if we're driving to our destination already)----cool beans Im all for it.....has happened on several occasions.


    Supposed to head to his place and he would prefer to stay at mine----fantastic come on over.

    Oh....another illustration of being flexible....when out with friends and someone shouldnt drive----couch is all yours! In the morning Ill likely ask if they want breakfast, or if Im heading out to grab a coffee tell them to keep sleeping but do they want me to bring anything back?

  8. #47
    Platinum Member HeatherB's Avatar
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    It seems like almost everyone is piling on the OP. So now she's not just discussing her original problem, she's also defending her particular way of doing things against everyone here. I'm not comfortable with that.

    Could we just accept that it's perfectly okay for her to decide who can and can't go into her place and when? The issue at hand is a misunderstanding with her boyfriend over the rules and boundaries she has set. She's trying to defend her position to her boyfriend, yet is mad that she feels she has to.

  9. #48
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    He was supposed to be the DD for the night and had a bit too much.....I immediately stop drinking and become the one who will drive.....

    We have plans for dinner, and his family needs him for something---no worries, do what you need to do.....give me a call later if you want to meet up (sometimes works that he'll be over...others that he will head home)

    Its actually VERY simple to deal with me.......
    just dont show up at my house if you havent called or txted me first and gotten a response!

  10. #49

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    Originally Posted by HeatherB
    It seems like almost everyone is piling on the OP. So now she's not just discussing her original problem, she's also defending her particular way of doing things against everyone here. I'm not comfortable with that.

    Could we just accept that it's perfectly okay for her to decide who can and can't go into her place and when? The issue at hand is a misunderstanding with her boyfriend over the rules and boundaries she has set. She's trying to defend her position to her boyfriend, yet is mad that she feels she has to.
    It's being pointed out to her that probably nobody on earth is going to be ok with her rules and if she doesn't adjust, she's going to be alone. Sure, you could explain the rules to the bf again, but that is in no way going to ensure he's going to want to follow them. OP is going to be left alone with her rules.

  11. #50
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    Bottom line....Im not ridgid.....Im flexible as needed....and easy going.

    I just dont like someone just showing up with no prior notice.

    Think of it like this----if you give a friend you're key (say for emergencies)----would you expect to find them just hanging out in your living room unannounced or at 3am to crash on your couch?

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