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Thread: Showing up at my house.....and I wasnt happy about it and he got pissed

  1. #31
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    Maybe its just because Ive never had a surprise....

    My parents never had any surprises....nothing was ever unexpected or out of the blue----everything was planned, and accounted for----they expected the same from me...and that also included situations with several outcomes...that I would plan and be mindful of every scenario to never be caught off guard.

  2. #32

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    Sounds overly formal to the point of being unpleasant. If I can't be 5 min late without breaking a rule of yours we would not get along. You might want to consider being a little more flexible if you want others in your life. And just because your parents were/are this way doesn't mean you have to be, you can choose a path that's a little more welcoming to others.

  3. #33
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    I respect his boundaries on things------he should be able to respect mine.
    These arent life long ones-----just we dont live together, so I dont feel that he should be able to treat my home like its his. He doesnt pay rent...or utilities....he is still a guest. he does not cook dinner while there.....

    Its really not complicated.....if you want to drop by----call or txt first.....if you hear from me, great...if you dont----no just swinging by

  4. #34
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    PL3....that 5 minute rule is my parents.....not mine.

    If I have plans and someone is running late----I really dont care or need to know. If it drags on into 15 minutes usually Ill give a call or txt to see what is up. But otherwise I say okay Ill see you when you get here....
    doesnt do anything bad to my world.

    But I do value and respect personal space and value plans being in place over randomly stopping by.

    Its interesting to read that it would make someones day if their GF randomly showed up----meanwhile.....the thought of that makes me cringe....not at the person, but it would have me totally re-adjust my entire plan for the time I thought I had to hang out alone or do stuff on my own agenda....with no company.

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  6. #35
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    well i'm sure this is a visit he won't forget and he will know not to do it again lol. just out of curiosity (i'm not trying to attack you) are you a rigid/inflexible person in general? are all of your relationships ran this way?

  7. #36

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    This thread is fairly representative of others that you have made about this guy - and in one of them he said that he feels he loves you more than you love him and you seem bent on proving him right. I just don't think you are ready to be in a committed relationship, certainly not close to being ready to live with him or to marry him. I suspect he is rapidly coming to the same conclusion.

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by HDC80
    PL3....that 5 minute rule is my parents.....not mine.

    If I have plans and someone is running late----I really dont care or need to know. If it drags on into 15 minutes usually Ill give a call or txt to see what is up. But otherwise I say okay Ill see you when you get here....
    doesnt do anything bad to my world.

    But I do value and respect personal space and value plans being in place over randomly stopping by.

    Its interesting to read that it would make someones day if their GF randomly showed up----meanwhile.....the thought of that makes me cringe....not at the person, but it would have me totally re-adjust my entire plan for the time I thought I had to hang out alone or do stuff on my own agenda....with no company.
    Have you ever done anything spontaneous in your life...serious question?

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by DN
    This thread is fairly representative of others that you have made about this guy - and in one of them he said that he feels he loves you more than you love him and you seem bent on proving him right. I just don't think you are ready to be in a committed relationship, certainly not close to being ready to live with him or to marry him. I suspect he is rapidly coming to the same conclusion.
    I have to agree. I can appreciate having your own boundaries, but it's telling to me that you seem more invested in reinforcing your own viewpoint here rather than gaining an appreciation for his own, especially when the majority of folks here tend to view it his way.

  10. #39
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    Shess....
    not inflexible at all.....Im actually VERY easy going.

    If a friend calls and wants to go to dinner....say now (4pm EST) and meet for 7.....great! I have no issues with where we go, or what time we meet....or if it changes 5 times. If they're running late due to traffic and cant show till 730, no worries I can grab a drink at the bar.
    I generally dont have a preference on where we go...though I might have one about price sometimes.
    When Im out with friends, if they want to switch where we are....or invite more people-----Im all for it.

    When I throw a party, or look to make plans to go out, its always the more the merrier.

    If I have a start time of 10.....and people show at 11.....cool.
    The only time that bugs me is if Im driving with those people----and there might be a line or something....

    Im VERY go with the flow like that.

    I have to shift my day all over the place to accommodate for my job and demands, so I have to be flexible on a minute to minute basis at times.

    I just dont like someone showing up at my doorstep un-announced.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by HDC80
    I respect his boundaries on things------he should be able to respect mine.
    These arent life long ones-----just we dont live together, so I dont feel that he should be able to treat my home like its his. He doesnt pay rent...or utilities....he is still a guest. he does not cook dinner while there.....

    Its really not complicated.....if you want to drop by----call or txt first.....if you hear from me, great...if you dont----no just swinging by
    Again, I'm going to say you're making a much bigger deal out of this than it should be. Stopping by for a surprise visit is hardly treating your home like it is his. I'd hardly call stopping by unannounced ONE time in a years span disrespecting your space; it's not like it's a habit or a recurring problem.

    And like someone mentioned, not showing ANY flexibility is definitely a way to push people out of your life. I'm a very methodic and well planned person myself but you have to understand that the world doesn't always work around how you planned and part of being a mature adult is being okay with that.

    Also, you say that you're used to working around things with multiple outcomes but what I'm seeing is that you're not able to see things from a different angle. This whole time you've been complaining about how he's disturbed you and how he intruded on your space but how do you think it feels for him to have stopped by with something like "I want to see my girlfriend" in mind and then pretty much be told "You're not welcome here". It's probably pretty gut wrenching I'd imagine.

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