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Thread: Showing up at my house.....and I wasnt happy about it and he got pissed

  1. #321
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    Originally Posted by HDC80
    Another example of a favor----someone is coming over for dinner that Im cooking....and I realize I dont have any wine. I ask if they wouldnt mind grabbing a bottle and Ill give them cash when they arrive.
    Ive had people CANCEL because I asked them to do this small favor when they pass by many liquor stores on the way to my house.
    Okay, that is extremely odd behaviour. The only possible explanation I can think of is that they are offended by your offer of cash...though most people in that circumstance would still pick up the wine, come for the dinner and decline the money.

    Or could it be the way you phrase the request? Are you being rude without being aware of it? I don't know - I'm just trying to guess at explanations for something that is bizarre.

  2. #322
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    They were on the way when I called to ask if they could stop.

  3. #323
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    I called and said....hey...are you on you're way here? Im incredibly embarassed but I forgot to grab wine while out today and dinner is in the oven. Would it be too much trouble for you to stop and grab a bottle of white wine? I can give you the money for it when you arrive!

  4. #324
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    Originally Posted by HDC80
    I called and said....hey...are you on you're way here? Im incredibly embarassed but I forgot to grab wine while out today and dinner is in the oven. Would it be too much trouble for you to stop and grab a bottle of white wine? I can give you the money for it when you arrive!
    And what, exactly (well, I recognise it will only be a paraphrase) did they say to that? Did they give a reason for then deciding not to come?

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  6. #325
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    so anyone according to your parents who ask for help or go through hard times is weak?

    But why judge others..what works for other may not work for you..I know what your parents do def would not work for a lot of people...nor does being with your SO 24/7 work either.

    I can see you a little bit shining through on what your parents have told you growing up...the walls ..the wanting to be independent...its exactly what your parents have been saying..not showing weakness...

  7. #326
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    They said that they didnt have time to stop (Im 20 minutes from their house)----and it was rude for me to have asked them to stop when they would be a guest in my house.
    I said okay, no problem, I have plenty of other selections on the bar, we just wouldnt have wine.
    Their response was, well then no problem, we just wont be by.
    I didnt even know what to say in response-----I said I was sad they wouldnt be over, and was unsure why the wine was that big of an issue.....I then asked if instead they would like to meet somewhere after I ate dinner to not let the whole night go to waste....they said no thanks.

    To my parents...they dont have anyone to call on when they go through hard times. They lean on one another, and even rarely for that.
    My mom has had some medical scares...and she will go on her own to her appointments. Same with my Dad.
    They just have a steadfast belief that things that happen arae yours and yours alone to deal with...and you pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on.

    When my ex who Ive mentioned cheated on me...and was set to marry exactly a year later....I was over the relationship but it still HURT that he was getting married so soon after. I went to my parents house for some solace....and they told me it was my own fault that it was hurting me, and my making something of it to hurt myself....they said I brought it on myself...and should deal with it, but they were not going to listen or support my behavior.
    All I wanted to do was sit by their pool and get some sun and NOT thinking about how he was getting married that day.....they made me feel like CRAP for feeling badly about the situation.

    I learned very quickly that day....to not share this stuff with them as they wouldnt give a hug, or an ear...or any understanding...they would pin it back on me and tell me that I was weak and foolish for feeling as I did about it.

    I think my parents raised me to believe and act as though it would just be ME for my entire life. That they would never consider that I would ever be with anyone.....and given I had no friends growing up they never had to adapt to accept or understand that someone else could be or would be important to me.
    That also goes for relationships. They always found ways to make it VERY difficult to be present in a relationship because of their ways.....when the relationship would end, they would say see! You shouldnt have put in all that effort, time, care into another person like that.....its not worth it.

    So I believe they view my life as one that will be spent alone, either due to their inability to accept someone else into the family for me.....or that they dont think I should have that for myself (recall they never wanted me)

  8. #327
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    Originally Posted by HDC80
    They said that they didnt have time to stop (Im 20 minutes from their house)----and it was rude for me to have asked them to stop when they would be a guest in my house.
    I said okay, no problem, I have plenty of other selections on the bar, we just wouldnt have wine.
    Their response was, well then no problem, we just wont be by.
    This is not remotely normal, let alone polite or reasonable.

    So, are you picking unreasonable friends?

    Or are you somehow causing them to behave in such an extreme fashion? I don't know.

  9. #328
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    They dont act like this with anyone else they seem to be friends with.
    So they appear to be reasonable.

    As for cause..... again I dont ask for much of anyone...so unsure how this could be something Im causing.

  10. #329
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    Either you have the weirdest (rudest) people as friends - or there is something really off in your selection process as well as early on when you establish the type of interaction and expectations you have from and for friends. I've never heard that people who were already on the way to dinner just cancelled last minute because the host asks for them to bring something while even willing to pay for it.

  11. #330
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    My sense is that either these are unusually rude people or there is more to the story- more back story/more history that would explain the behavior a bit better.

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