Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 31 of 34 FirstFirst ... 28293031323334 LastLast
Results 301 to 310 of 334

Thread: Showing up at my house.....and I wasnt happy about it and he got pissed

  1. #301
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    3,961
    I have moved countries multiple times as an adult to places where I didn't know anyone - yet everywhere I have moved I made new, good friends and some of them I consider life-long 'best friends' - thus it's possible to form meaningful friendships start start way beyond your childhood years. Sure, it's more challenging and more work to begin with, but it's entirely possible.

  2. #302
    Platinum Member Heather Dawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Boxborough, MA
    Posts
    2,410
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Unreasonable
    Oh plenty of people have noticed. DN was the one of the first to call her out on it. The thread was basically useless at that point and still is. Whatever 'help' this girl needs, she's not gonna get it here if it's simply a medium for arguing. I wonder if she argues with the whole world in real life too?
    I'm sure she does. Whatever damage her childhood has caused, clearly one of the lasting effects is that she's become rather robotic and computer-like. She seems completely devoid of emotion, it's almost chilling. And, like all robots, you can't argue with a being who sees one - and only one - viewpoint: what she considers the most logical route from point A to point B.

  3. #303
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Age
    38
    Posts
    482
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by HDC80
    Most everyone I know has friends from childhood that they still have today. So they have that person who KNOWS them from way back and all that they've been through.

    Im looking for people who want to do fun things.....who will come out when its my Bday or even look to put the plans together.....people who are interested in me and my life just as much as I am in theirs.
    Would it be fair to say its hard for people to feel close to you, given the walls, rules, and boundaries you have established?

  4. #304
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Age
    39
    Posts
    187
    Gender
    Female
    You make it out like I never speak about myself or what is going on with me....I do----but generally I listen to them...and what is going on with them----with genuine interest shown by the follow up questions I ask after somethign they told me has taken place to see how they're doing (positive or negative events).

    I just dont dwell on my stuff because its supposed to be fun, and people want to be around people who are fun, and laugh and enjoy life and are up for anything.....
    I say up for anything as in if a friend said they wanted to go to a rodeo...Id join them....not my thing, but am up to go and do whatever, wherever.

    The boundaries I have in place arent----Ill only speak to you by phone in the hours of 5 - 7pm on Wednesdays.
    I will only spend time with you if its sushi dinner at the place I like on my street.
    We will only speak about happy topics.

    Im not as regimented as you're making me out to be.

    Im unsure how people wouldnt feel close to me given that I ask lots of questions about them, and what is going on wit hthem....I look to spend time with them and do things they like.
    I tell them about my life, and what is going on with me....but I pay mind to not make it a FOCUS....

  5.  

  6. #305
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    3,961
    I can't explain it any better than this: for an exchange of ideas/philosophy/activities etc - I don't require emotional exchange either, although I'm sure even in those contexts most people consider me compassionate. However for friendships it's never really about what we do nor talk about - however HOW we talk about things and the emotions we share. That is what sets my friends apart from the rest of the people who I listen to, give advice, spent time with: exchanging emotions. That what makes them precious to me (and the other way around).

    But enough of that: WHAT ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT/CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE?

  7. #306
    Bronze Member renewing's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    292
    Honestly, I see nothing wrong with her feelings of wanting to be warned before someone comes over. It's really interesting to me that most people on this thread see her feelings as robotic or strange. Her boyfriend showed up at 3am and texted her goodnight, like he was going to sleep. If I had a boyfriend that did that I think I would get scared!

    That being said, I do think 'dropping by' is something that isn't always rude. It can be sweet or cute that the person was thinking of you and had to see you. I'm surprised that people on this thread think it's normal behaviour to do this though. I would find it annoying if someone always just dropped by out of the blue because the chances increase that they'll catch you at a bad time if they do it very often.

  8. #307
    Platinum Member Doc Blaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Around
    Posts
    3,870
    did you read the whole thread...if not then maybe you should...if you did you def missed alot of points..its has become deeper

  9. #308
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Age
    38
    Posts
    482
    Gender
    Male
    OP, ever notice how every song about friendship isnt talking about having someone fun to do stuff with, but someone thats there for you and knows you will be there for them through thick and thin. Now you have said that you try to be there for your friends, but do you ever let them be there for you? thats a big part of it.

    eventually we all need somebody to lean on

  10. #309
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Quad-Cities, Illinois, usa
    Posts
    2,658
    Gender
    Female
    Funny, how after all these pages, i've become very sad for the OP. I'm beginning to feel her pain....even tho she's not...


  11. #310
    Silver Member NymphaeaLilly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Age
    29
    Posts
    301
    Gender
    Female
    I've been tracking this tread from day 1 and never got around to reply so this'll be a long post but I just had to write this down.
    Till page 23 OP got on my nerves with her strict boundaries and IMO stupid rules, and than I read her reply on page 23 and I couldn't stop myself from getting a teary eyes and finally my emphatic side resurfaced.


    Originally Posted by HDC80
    I understand anger....and I understand worry/stress.....happy.....
    But attachment to another person? Not really. Like I said I dont miss people....if they're not around or busy....I just move onto the next.
    .
    Originally Posted by HDC80
    I dont live through anyones emotions but my own. Just because someone is sad doesnt mean Im then sad too.....I might feel bad that they're sad....and will talk with them or try to make them feel better...but it doesnt change my mood.
    And than you write...

    Originally Posted by HDC80
    Lack of empathy towards others--you guys here would say yes...I would say nope
    You don't know what empathy really is (your parents never showed it to you so it's understandable you don't know what it really means)...it's not "pat on the shoulder" or you listening for hours and nodding...it's when you place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling, you feel sad if your friend is sad, you feel happy when they are happy etc

    About your friends...you are setting the rules of the friendship and you've been doing it all wrong (if you meant to form a deeper connection).
    Like this...

    Originally Posted by HDC80
    I dont ever want to be clingy...or have someone feel that Im clingy. That isnt an attractive thing.
    Do you honestly think that YOU (who are ALL about independency and you never let people forget that) could EVER appear clingy???


    Originally Posted by HDC80
    I generally dont ask for help unless I REALLY need it....as to not be needy or always relying on others.
    So even more frustrating that if they ask for a favor, I help out. I rarely ask for anything and when I do they cant come through.
    I just stop asking---why continue to go through that and be disappointed----I then step up and just take care of things on my own not looking for favors from anyone.
    In that department I'm EXACTLY like you but over years I realized that in this situation I was the problem!!! It doesn't seem logical, right? Well it is! People are used to me not needing them and even when I ask for help I do it in a very nonchalant way just to not appear weak if they reject me. And of course they'll reject me when I ask it in that way (in essence human kind is lazy and selfish). I'm sure you do the same thing, and the only thing different is that you do it to not appear CLINGY or whatever...



    Originally Posted by Heather Dawn
    No one seems to have noticed that the OP's steadfast refusal to budge on ANY issue is why people consistently give up in her other threads. She has an answer for everything, and will not even consider other sides or viewpoints, or the potential that she needs to make changes - so why is everyone expending so much energy? You've all tried - hard - to get through to her, and that's commendable - but the OP needs to want to make changes in her life, and then seek out professional help in order to facilitate those changes.
    This is example how people just give up on you. You send off a vibe of a person who won't be moved by ANYONE!!! It's easier to leave you than to "fight" you.


    Originally Posted by HDC80
    Im looking for people who want to do fun things
    Originally Posted by HDC80
    just dont dwell on my stuff because its supposed to be fun, and people want to be around people who are fun, and laugh and enjoy life and are up for anything.....
    I say up for anything as in if a friend said they wanted to go to a rodeo...Id join them....not my thing, but am up to go and do whatever, wherever.
    I have those "friends for fun" but they are just for that - FUN!!! Why would I check on them on regular basis and be interested in their crises if all I expect for them is fun?
    Noone is expecting you to be fun all the time and when you do that people just forget you are also human with its problems.


    But this really gets me worried...

    Originally Posted by HDC80
    I do struggle....but I also dont really cry or get sad about things.
    When my BF left when I thought i had cancer.....I didnt really cry....I just picked up and kept moving along....trying to enjoy things and live life.
    Originally Posted by HDC80
    I have a cat.....I leave her every day to come to work....or for a night or two to head to my BFs place.....I dont miss her. She is a cat. She is fine, she has food....Ill see her when I get home. Its not a big deal.
    You seem so detached from all of the emotions...it's like you life as a mathematical problem to be logically solved! That's not...for the lack of better word - normal!!!
    I'm not trying to give you a diagnose...but I have to say that it seems like you have alexithymia...read about it and see if it apples to you.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •