Trying to not get too excited....

Decided to make a separate post about the current news I've heard.

The Basics:

My ex and I were together 2.5 years, broke up at the end of June. I made all the classic mistakes trying to get her back over the first 2.5 months. Been NC since mid October with the exception of running into her twice at the bar and txt her New Years Eve which resulted in her calling me worried about me.

I have a wedding party I'm apart of at the end of February that she'll be attending, I've been really nervous about it.

Latest news is, I ran into her sister a few days ago and she told me my ex is nervous about seeing me at the party. But the good news is she told me that if I get my act together I can get her sister back. So thats what I'm doing now, so that when I see her at the party I can show her that I've made changes. My best friend also talks to my ex and told me about a week before i talked to my ex's sister that he believed I could get her back if I worked on myself as well.

But I'm noticing with this latest news I'm getting a little nervous, and I'm a little anxious. Wanting to contact her etc... I know I can't do that cause my opportunity will come at the end of February and I have to work on me before that can happen.

I love this girl with all my heart, and I really hope this is our opportunity to get back together.

I wish you the best of luck! Just try not to get your hopes too high because you never know what will happen in February.

Just be calm, relax and present yourself in a fun way

I'm trying to stay calm, and I know if I'm going to have any chance the night of the party I have to walk in with my head held high, be the me she fell in love with and stay calm. It's quite hard though, that ball of nervous energy has returned to my stomach lol.

Thank you Hennie!

anyone been in a situation like this that can share some advice learned through experience on how to go about this the right way? or have any tips etc...

anyone been in a situation like this that can share some advice learned through experience on how to go about this the right way? or have any tips etc...

Not entirely similar, but I had a planned thing with my ex six weeks after we broke. She is the sister-in-law of my best friend, so we had two days of hanging out between the four of us (me, my ex, my friend, her sister/his wife). I did the classic chasing the first two weeks to little return contact, a pseudo-NC for three weeks and texted her a little bit the week before we were supposed to meet, which went pretty well. Then when we hung out the first day it was awkward. She didn't give me a hello hug (extremely rare). She was cold, aloof, annoyed, acting jilted and just unpleasant. Occasionally she would break character and smile at a joke I made or something I said, but then would clam back up again. The four of us went back to my place and she was like Buckner going back into Shea, just uncomfortable. She and her sister left and she didn't give me a goodbye hug, though she seemed relax and comfortable when I gave her a quick rub of the shoulders before she left.

The second day was better, probably because I didn't react at all to her attitude on the first day. She sat next to me willingly in the back of the car (after annoyingly textbombing me), she had semi-normal conversations with me and hugged me after everything was over. Wasn't flirty, but was actually kind of human instead of the alien creature she acted like the first day. Nothing happened after that, she threw me a few breadcrumbs but went silent after I pushed a little on her birthday (asked her how she was celebrating). I said f--k it, went NC and have been that way for four months.

As for your situation, it's not the same because you've had the previous in-person interactions unlike me, who saw her for the first time during this weekend. But what I would say is not to get too excited and not to put expectations on this. I actually did a decent job of this, which helped me disarm her cold behavior a bit. Keep an even head. If she's cold, act like you expected her to be that way and don't react to it. If she's warm, play it slow and let her lead you.

How do you need to get your act together? What is she expecting?

I've been a mess since the breakup, un-employed and have basically put everything I was trying to achieve on hold. I know from talking to my friend she wants so see me change all that.

I know you can do it I have faith in you Rock from reading your posts the fact that not only her sister, but your best friend have told you that says you have a great chance of getting her back. Now stop putting your life on hold get out there and look for a job, exercise, and take care of yourself- work on yourself from the inside out and she will notice. Just take it slow and let her set the pace. I wish you lots of luck I'm so excited for you!

Thanks Elektra! I appreciate the encouraging words! I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, and all I can hope happens is that I stay strong at the party, put out good vibes and maybe it will spark her interest and attraction for me once again. As I said to my friend, enough's enough, time to stand up get my life back and get my girl back.

Those are good changes to make! My advise to you is that you make those changes for yourself, not for her.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure of how to separate doing it for me and doing it for her.

I think it's time you come to terms with the fact that you're broken up and that you really need to move on. I think your friends and your ex's sister are feeding you false hope, and this does more harm than good in the end.

How much have you really changed since the break up? In my mind the only way to honestly do this for yourself is to realize there is no you and her any longer. Only then can you earnestly start focusing on yourself.

Not trying to bring you down, but all of your threads appear to hinge on the possibility of getting her back. That's not healthy for you in the long run.

I love this girl, and so long as I know there's even the slightest bit of a chance to be with her again I have to fight for her. I know that the best and only chance I have at that happening is by taking care of myself and my needs at this time. It's the one thing I haven't done yet not only for my own good but to show her what I'm really made of. By the end of the breakup she said if she were ever to come back to me she'd want to know that who she came back to was secure and happy with themselves, that the condition I was in was not who she wanted to come back to.

So I think that what I've been told by her sister and my friend is consistent with what my ex told me months ago. Yes though the only person who truly knows if she'll come back is her, and it may take time after seeing me to decide if that's what she wants. But she is really close with her sister and if there's anyone who would have an idea about it other then my ex it would be her sister. So I do trust that what she says is what she believes based on whatever conversations shes had with my ex.

I love this girl, and so long as I know there's even the slightest bit of a chance to be with her again I have to fight for her.

But you don't. This isn't fighting for her. It's fighting for you.

I know that the best and only chance I have at that happening is by taking care of myself and my needs at this time. It's the one thing I haven't done yet not only for my own good but to show her what I'm really made of. By the end of the breakup she said if she were ever to come back to me she'd want to know that who she came back to was secure and happy with themselves, that the condition I was in was not who she wanted to come back to.

Then why haven't you done this yet? If getting her back is so important--and if taking care of yourself is so important--then why haven't you done these things? And if you haven't done these things yet, then how exactly do you think you're going to show her all the ways you've changed at this wedding?

Your right, it is fighting for me. But the secondary benefit of that is it shows her something too about me too. And hearing from her sister that I have a chance is enough for me to believe that there is.

I haven't done it yet because I haven't been capable of focusing on anything long enough to get anything done, I've been on an emotional roller-coaster. Plus before there were no signs of hope, she was in her "pissed off with me stage", I asked my friend if that was still the case and he said no that she's cautious around me right now because of how I reacted to the breakup. So thats another thing about this wedding party is it also gives me an opportunity to get her comfortable with me.

Through the past 7 months I have learned a lot about myself and why I am certain ways and how I can change that for the better. The only outside changes I have to make which are things I used to do anyways was work, hit the gym, eat properly and continue on my career path, all of which I am currently doing.

Feeling pretty down right now, having a hard time this afternoon believing that all my efforts will pay off in the end. Keep telling myself when I feel this way or when I don't have the energy to do something that that's what kept me from her before and that I HAVE to do the opposite but it's not working this time. Think I may have a nap, wake up and re-focus.

Well, nap didn't help...

Got up today and am putting my best foot forward, had a good breakfast followed by a shower then a protein shake. Later I'll hit the gym and take care of a few other things throughout the day.

Part of me really feels like I need to hear these words from my ex, that hearing them from her sister makes me have to put too much faith in what she said. Hearing it from my ex would help make it real. I'm so torn right now, but I will keep doing my best to have faith.

I dont think having faith that you are going to get back together with her is a good thing. I think you should focus on getting a job, getting your drinking under control, and building your life up to what YOU want it to be without any thought of your ex. If you are making changes in your life just to get her back, it will be obvious to her, and it won't work.

I just meant faith that she's being truthful.

And the **** just keeps coming! Lol. Got arrested last night for trying to stop a fight and tell the cop what happened. Ya life!

I've been struggling once again the past few days with wanting to call her and talk, see if what her sister says is true. But I know I can't mainly because I'm just not in the right place mentally and emotionally to talk to her without breaking down, I also know that by the time this wedding party happens on Feb 23rd I should be in a better place and be capable of presenting myself in a brighter fashion which may lead to us talking.

The anxiety from this is overbearing at times though, I love this girl so much that the thought of screwing this up is unbearable. I'm trying self talk, and to get it into my head as much as I can that this is for me, I was this person before, I did all these things before, I can do it again but it is difficult.

This may be going against my better judgement but Valentine's Day is around the corner, I wasn't thinking bout getting her anything but just a simple msg like "Happy Valentine's Day" or "Thinking of you" or a combo of both. My better judgement says dont do a thing, but a part of me thinks she just might appreciate a simple thoughtful msg like that on what can be a very lonely day for most.

If I run into her sister I may run it by her see what she thinks.

But till then any thoughts?