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Thread: Worried about my girlfriend

  1. #1
    Sciffan
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    Worried about my girlfriend

    Okay this is my first time posting on any forum like this. I've been to forums like this a few times but I've become increasingly worried about my girlfriend. I'd like to say that I am a nice and communicative, though I don't know if that's how she views me or for that matter if that is how I actually am. Anyway, I've been in this relationship for several months with this woman, who I find indescribably amazing, and some things have popped up that have worried me. She is a very shy but kind and caring woman. This however has lead to things that make me feel iffy and worried. Firstly we both go to the same college but are are kept rather busy by our classes to the point where we don't always see each other everyday. I try to at least talk with her or text her at least once a day but she doesn't always respond to any of messages. Now we both have this mutual female friend... who is always with us when my girlfriend and I hang out and when I mean always I mean in the last month we have had maybe 2 to 3 times together where we were just alone. This friend also spends more time with my girlfriend then I do, a lot more. Then when I meet up with my girlfriend and she is there, she constantly complains about our PDA, which mainly consists of holding hands ( I mean it to this is not a case of being unaware of people in our surroundings, we really holds hands and that is it). She has even told us she is sick of it and "can't deal with it." I have asked my girlfriend is she wants to hang out without her and she will say yes but will still show up with this friend anyway. Secondly, she rarely opens up to me and the few time we do hang out end up being when she has a problem which she won't tell me about. These usually consist of either her just holding me for awhile or long walks, which I don't mind if that's what she needs I am more than happy to do that. If we aren't doing those things she generally talks a lot but she doesn't really say anything. However, I know she has at least 2 confidants as she has told me in the past that she trusts these 2 people explicitly and will talk to them. Finally today is the day before my birthday, and we had plans today and for dinner. My girlfriends ex came into town today and not doing to well so she asked me beforehand if it was okay for her to spend some time with her. I said okay as it wouldn't interfere with what we planned on doing. But no she has canceled on me, and I wouldn't have even known if I have i hadn't asked whether should dress up or not for where she was taking me. I love her to bits, but I'm worried that something is going on and she is not telling me and I'm worried about us. I try to ask but I usually receive a sarcastic answer or the subject is changed. I don't want to press but I'm just... I don't know.

    Last edited by Sciffan; 01-19-2013 at 04:49 PM.

  2. #2
    franklinWEENIE
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    I think you should take control of the matter tell her to stop brushing you off honeslty your making it easy for her coming from a female perspective your letting her walk all over you, its your birthday almost right and you make plans before hand with her and she canceled did you even tell her thats messed up or get mad? or just let her know how you felt about the situation another thing the friend always nagging on your PDA .. Sorry but she needs to get a man or woman w.e shes into (its mean) but someone has to tell her its not fair you dont have time to share with your girlfriend and holding hands its not even a major PDA its things even pre teens do ... you need to discuss this with your other. I would be pissed right now .. :[ you need to put your foot down if you understand that not telling you to be disrespectful or horrible just be firm

    Goodluck

  3. #3
    Sciffan
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    I do and thank you. I've already sat down with her and talked to her about her friend and she said she would talk with her... but nothings changed on that front. I think your right. I do need to sit down and talk to her about this. I've told her how I felt before but we haven't had a real discussion. The birthday thing though, I just don't even know what to do....

    On a side note, you are right about the friend and that does piss me off. Like you said holding hands is from grade-school, and the fact that it pisses her off, well frankly its not really her business.

  4. #4
    franklinWEENIE
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sciffan [Register to see the link]
    I do and thank you. I've already sat down with her and talked to her about her friend and she said she would talk with her... but nothings changed on that front. I think your right. I do need to sit down and talk to her about this. I've told her how I felt before but we haven't had a real discussion. The birthday thing though, I just don't even know what to do....

    On a side note, you are right about the friend and that does piss me off. Like you said holding hands is from grade-school, and the fact that it pisses her off, well frankly its not really her business.
    Honestly the birthday incident is your doorway thats what you can open the whole discussion with .. or end it with, your choice I mean if you love this girl and you do care for her like you say you do .. she should be on the same page as you and shes not showing it.. I understand you have sat down with her and talked to her about the friend but I've had to do this not be a B**** but stand my ground and say hey I want to spend today with you alone, then tell the friend if you dont mind give us an hour or we're going to take a walk we'll be right back etc.. you don't have to be an ass I mean everyone wants their private space. Telling someone you want time alone with your girlfriend is not wrong. I really hope you do sit down with her it just seems there is lack of communicating on her part. I'm sure she knows you care but it doesnt hurt to tell her you do honeslty care. :]

  5. #5
    Sciffan
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    So I sat down and talked with her on Saturday and she said she'd spend time with me on Monday and that she was sorry. She then asked me what I'd like to do for my birthday and I replied that all I wanted to do was spend time with her, which is why she agreed to spend time with me alone on Monday. So today, my birthday I hung out with a bunch of friends all day but just left the gathering to drop my girlfriend off at home because she is tired. She then tells me she has to do schoolwork on Monday and can't see me.... 5 months and all I want to do is to spend time with her and she blows me off for an ex and homework even after I told her exactly what I felt and why I was so worried about her. I'm crying right now... which is a big thing for me because I just don't cry... ever
    Last edited by Sciffan; 01-21-2013 at 12:20 AM.

  6. #6
    franklinWEENIE
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    Ok so now im feeling mortified :[ I know all of us on here are having a hard time especillay some more then others.. BY THE WAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!! but I wanted to tell you.. If now the little things are what count (not saying your birthday is at all a little thing) but anything for the start are the things that count then imagine when its an anniversery or something big or two yeas from now .. what is she going to miss? maybe I'm wrong and she just has her priorities set differently then you do it seems like she has school first then her friends then you .. maybe shes not ready for a realationship.. theres a lot of maybes but at the end you have to ask yourself are you happy with yor relationship ? you tried changing it, you talked to her the best way you can im pretty sure.. and thats what you got .. thats your result .. would she have liked it if you bailed on her birthday ? when she planned weeks in advance? .. It's your life at the end of the day, you give her space you even let her see her ex which me ( not in a million years would i do im insecure lol) but I wish i can mature into trusting the other person or not being so paranoid, I give you so much praise for being so grown about that and mature but com'on not every one even allows that or tolerates it you can see your a good boyfriend. you withstood a lot too with her friends not seeing each other and giving her time. My advice to you is do you really want a girlfriend like that i know you love her to bits but it doesnt seem mutual.. maybe shes not ready like you are.. its your choice to wait or move on.

    I hope that helped I'm sorry about what happen and its okay to cry thats your way of letting it go or setting pain out.
    <3 by the way HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGIAN I really do hope you enjoyed it with friends :] and be glad you experience this now when your young then when your old cause you can change it early on how you reac to thing :] ..

  7. #7
    Sciffan
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    So I sat down with her and talked about how I felt again. I told her what I wanted and then asked her what she wanted. Several I don't knows later she said something about changing. I stopped her right there and told her that she should never do that for someone and that what we had to do was sit down and decide together what to do. A long silence later... still nothing. I did most of the talking (it felt like a one sided conversation, which I know is horrible but I sat with her for almost an hour in silence waiting for her response, and when she did talk it was usually to change the subject). So because she has a lot to do this week I asked to meet up with her on Saturday to finish the discussion and give her time to think so we don't spend most of the conversation staring at each other waiting for her response. I also found out that Monday instead of studying she had spent to most of it with the close girlfriend. She also had no idea that I was hurt or upset at all... I found out that she did know something was wrong, but instead of talking to me she texted mutual friends....so yeah, probably going to call it this Saturday unless something really big happens.

    Franklin

    Thank you for the advice. It's been really helpful. I've been thinking it a lot but I needed to hear it from several people before it really suck in. Also, I've never had a problem trusting her at all. I know her, and I like her for who she is, which is why her saying stuff about change really upset me because that's not the answer.

  8. #8
    Sciffan
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    Just wanted to say thanks again franklinWEENIE

  9. #9
    franklinWEENIE
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sciffan [Register to see the link]
    Just wanted to say thanks again franklinWEENIE
    its no problem at all if you want more advice im here and just incase good luck with saturday I know in your heart you do like this girl but you need to think about if shes really good for you.. :] maybe you guys are better off as friends if she cant dedicate time, it seems she hangs out more with friends anyways.. :[ (sorry it was blunt ) but again maybe shes not ready But it was lovely speaking to you :] good luck and let me know if it changes !!

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