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Thread: Men, how do you feel when women are unjustly frightened/scared of you?

  1. #1
    Gold Member rask's Avatar
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    Men, how do you feel when women are unjustly frightened/scared of you?

    I read something on Reddit this morning about a guy who got called out for stalking a woman, when he was simply going to his car that was parked right next to hers. A lot of men were saying that this offends them, and that women need to learn to fight, or stop thinking everyone is out to attack them.

    Personally, I can think of a bunch of times where I've been afraid when I didn't really have any reason to be, it just came out of habit.

    For example, I refuse to get in an elevator with an adult male, if I'm going to be alone in there with him. Would this offend you if a woman refused to get in an elevator with you? I lived with a friend for a while in an apartment, and we had to take an elevator to get to her apartment. I just never felt safe doing this to begin with, but especially when I'd be alone with someone. I usually say something like, "Oh, I'll wait," or that I'm waiting for someone or that I forgot something. I understand that most of the time when this happens, the guy is probably a nice guy and I honestly don't want to offend him, but in my head, it's always better safe than sorry.

    Another incident was when I was leaving a Walmart, and was parked almost right in front, and saw 5 guys standing around, and ON my car. They were probably early twenties, and it was about 3 in the morning. I walked back in and asked security to walk out with me, and it was obvious these guys were up to something when we approached the car, because they scattered and started yelling stuff like "stupid *****." The situation made me uncomfortable to begin with so, I did what I thought was best for my safety.

    I've also had the same thing happen when I thought a guy was following me in a parking deck, so I got my cell phone, called my boyfriend, and had my pepper spray in the other hand. The guy did not go to a car parked beside mine, but instead just kind of looped around to the other side. I have no way of knowing his intentions, but frankly, I don't care if he was offended because I was scared.

    What I'm asking is, guys, are you aware that women are afraid of you, and how does that make you feel? I'm sure I've offended people because I've reacted wrongly to a situation, but in my head, it was justified. I was with an extremely abusive guy, I've been violently raped, by someone who I did not know, and I feel like I have a right to my safety, even when I'm not in any real danger.

    Just really curious about how good guys feel about this. I do feel guilty about it sometimes when I'm out of the situation, but I always just assume that if the guy didn't mean any harm toward me, he shouldn't be that offended by it, and probably thinks it's just because I'm a woman or something.

  2. #2
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    Never feel guilty about protecting yourself. Every scenario you mentionned seems perfectly reasonable to me and I would do the same (except the elevator thing - but you sound polite enough about it, so I wouldn't worry about it).

    Actually - they teach this in self-defense classes. That if you are feeling nervous, for example, cross to the other side of the street and see if they follow.

    Your safety concerns are WAY more important than temporarily annoying a stranger (they'll get over it - at most, it will annoy them, it will not scar them for life)

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I am always constantly aware of who is around me when I'm not at home. I have been molested and raped as a child. I have been attacked as an adult and stalked as an adult. Someone even tried to pull me into his car while I was walking home from work. So I'm always aware of who is around me. I do try to never judge anybody unless they have harmed me first. If someone is acting suspicious or aggressive I first try to get away from them. I have been known to be verbally aggressive though if people challenge me.

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    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
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    protect yourself at all times like boxing.

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    How would you feel if a man refused to get into an elevator with you because he was afraid you were going to accuse him of sexually assaulting you?

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    Platinum Member Doc Blaze's Avatar
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    I worry about my gf all the time..I would rather my gf be over protective then comfortable...things happen all the time to nice and innocent people and it can happen anywhere..


    But yes I do get looks all the time but i dont take offense to it..im about 230..6'1 work out and everyone says i always have a angry face lol..but im really a big teddy bear...a woman walked into one time in the grocery store..kinda shooked her..she was like oh sorrry soo sorry wow your a big guy, i bet nobody messes with you..lol i told her i was a lover not a fighter and told her to have a good night..she said the same..i pretty much laugh things off..no need to get offended.

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    I've been afraid to get in an elevator alone with an adult male before. This might be stereotyping, but it depends on what the guy looks like and what kind of building it is.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member PaintWithLight's Avatar
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    I think it is a case of better safe than sorry. Women need to trust their gut and never apologize for being on alert. A man can stroll down the street, go to his car in a dark parking lot, interact with strangers....all without the same vulnerability that women can feel. Each one of those situations could have gone another way.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Heather Dawn's Avatar
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    I'm very aware of these things. I was raped as a teenager, and it left me a bit hyper-vigilant. Where I live now, we have two assigned parking spots to go with our unit, and our parking lot is right next to some woods (I live in a town that is primarily conservation land). My boyfriend chose the spot on the side of the woods, and made me take the one on the other side of him (we're side-by-side with him between me and the woods), because I get home after 6pm for now (which is dark in the winter), and this way I get out of my car a little further away. We live in a very, very safe town, but you can never be too cautious - especially as a woman.

    I get nervous getting into elevators with men only depending on the situation. Here in my office building, I frequently share a ride up or down with men from other companies whose offices are located in the building, too. And it doesn't bother me at all. And anywhere that's highly trafficked and filled with people is OK, too. But if I got a bad vibe from someone or it was a large group of men that seemed shady, I'd wait.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member oldenoughtoknow's Avatar
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    I really don't think you should be worrying about what men think of your behavior in these situations. I've been in situations like your elevator and parking garage examples and noticed women's reactions. I know there's nothing I can do or say that would help, so I just continue on my way. I don't think badly of them for trying to keep themselves safe, and I don't feel bad in any way because I know I'm really not a threat to them. Certainly keep doing what you're doing. You're not going to offend the multitude of good guys out there - we know what you're up against.

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