We Are At Two Different Points In Our Life -- How To Work Past It?

Hello everyone.

My girlfriend and I have been having some issues as of late and they are really starting to play on my brain, so much so that I need non-biased advice to help me see the situation more clearly.

To give you a short background, we have been together for 2 years and 3 months. I am 26 years old and she will be turning 21 in about a month. We have had a great relationship up until a month ago when I graduated from college. She was under the impression that I would be relocating for work as I did not want to stay in the current city I am in at the moment. That turned out not to happen and now, nothing is changing. She has been preparing for me to leave by making additional friends and busying herself with other activities.

Anyways, the problem started about a month ago with me graduating from college. She is under the impression that we now at different points in our life with me getting into that 'career mode' while she still has 1.5 - 2 years of schooling left. In other words, the age difference is starting to scare her. I will probably be ready for marriage in the next couple of years and she says she will not be. Then, when you toss kids into the picture, things become even more skewed. To be blunt, I can see myself marrying this woman and spending the rest of my life with her. She is a truly unique person with an incredible heart and soul and I would be a fool to let her slip away. She says that she can also see a future with me, but just can't see something like that happening in the next two years.

As of this moment, she really has no idea what she wants. She wants me to patient with her and I am doing so. I guess what I am looking for is just someone to tell me that this kind of stuff is normal and that this is something that we can work through. I think we are both so worried about the future that we are not focusing on the here and now and trying to make the best out of the time we are currently sharing with one another.

I am sure that I went on a couple of tangents in this thread, so feel free to ask additional questions and I will do my best to reply!

Thanks!

I think you both need to just enjoy the relationship in the present and not worry about the future so much. If y'all are happy and want to stay together, do just that and plan for marriage when you both are ready.

I met my boyfriend when I just turned 22 and he was turning 29. He had been working full time for a few years and I still had a year of college left. We just dated and enjoyed being together. A year later, we discussed living together, which happened a few months later. Now we're both working and living together happily with our cat. Marriage hasn't been discussed in depth yet, but maybe we'll have that conversation later this year.

We just never let the "different stages" affect our relationship because it doesn't really matter and is just temporary anyway. If you want to be together, you'll find a way.

Hey I know how you feel with the age difference I been there a couple of times before I was 26 dating a 22 year old and just recently 27 dating a 21 year old and all I can say is that their mindset is very different from ours. I don't really know how mature your girlfriend is or not and I'm just wondering if she want's to go to partys and have all the fun exciting times in here life that you are supposed to have in your early 20's. This is the bad part of dating a really younger woman is that they don't know what they want in life yet and are still looking for the excitement so unless you can bring it then it's best to move on. I know you are scared to lose her but the best thing to do is to just let her go and if she comes back to you after the 2 years or whatever then it was meant to be. It just comes down to what both you guys want and how much you are willing to work on it but from the sounds of it she was more ready then you to be out of her life. So maybe it's time to be the mature one and walk away from the relationship that might not work out but if you guys are still having fun with eachother then by all means keep going with that. Age differences are tough to get past but so far I haven't been able to because the woman are just to immature even if they say they are mature.

I think you both need to just enjoy the relationship in the present and not worry about the future so much. If y'all are happy and want to stay together, do just that and plan for marriage when you both are ready.

 

I met my boyfriend when I just turned 22 and he was turning 29. He had been working full time for a few years and I still had a year of college left. We just dated and enjoyed being together. A year later, we discussed living together, which happened a few months later. Now we're both working and living together happily with our cat. Marriage hasn't been discussed in depth yet, but maybe we'll have that conversation later this year.

 

We just never let the "different stages" affect our relationship because it doesn't really matter and is just temporary anyway. If you want to be together, you'll find a way.

Yeah that is definitely the approach that I working with right now. We have been more blunt with one another starting about a month ago and a lot of stuff is starting to come up. It is both good and bad, but I think us just working through it each day is just going to make our relationship that much stronger.

I know that she has a ton going on in her head and I am being patient with her while she figures things out in terms of what she wants in her life, but in the same respect, my needs cannot go unnoticed just because of her struggling with some life issues and I made her aware of that in a very constructive manner earlier today.

What exactly are your needs that cannot go unnoticed?

Ask her for a little break from the future freakout talk. Tell her you appreciate her good intentions, but you'd rather just enjoy being together for the moment.