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Thread: Bipolar Girlfriend - Need Advice on How to Deal With the Highs/Lows

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    The thing is she is also doing illicit drugs WITH her meds. Not good. I was raised by a bipolar parent and I can tell you unless they are strictly following their meds and do not go off them you are in for life of hell. You may think you won't leave now but......

    Living with my dad almost literally killed my mother . Unless she stays on her medication and gets off the Mary Jane ,get out

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    I have a family member who has never missed his pills, and there is no way he could handle a romantic relationship. He has been treated for over six years, and it still isn't easy to live with him. And I DO live with him.

    You have no idea what goes on when she goes home. It probably isn't pretty.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    I would say take this very slowly, and just make sure you really know this girl before committing to her.

  4. #14
    Silver Member LonelyJedi's Avatar
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    Getting out will spare you a lot of emotional pain and suffering, believe me. I was in an on/off relationship with a bi-polar girl in high school. It was the worst years of my life, all of my friends and family know it. They remember how hurt I was everyday. When it comes to things like this, the situation can only get worse until they get help. The person needs to WANT to get help first.

    In short, get out now while you still can. Save yourself the emotional pain, you only live once. Don't spend it worrying about this woman and how crazy her life is. Don't let her drag you down to her level.

    People will never change themselves, unless they WANT to change.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    Sadly, many who suffer from this condition can't change enough to control their emotions...no matter if they are going to the doctor and doing everything in their power to try.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Demoncracy
    I'm new here to the forums, seems like a decent place to post my relationship "conflict" of sorts.

    I recently started dating a bipolar woman (been roughly a month now) and need some advice when it comes to dealing with the highs and lows of her mood. Just to give a brief background, she is 19 years old and was diagnosed two years ago when she attempted suicide (overdose). She has been very open to me about what happened and the series of events that took place. After analysis by a number of Doctors they determined that she was bipolar while also suffering from PTSD. Since, she has been on meds (Lithium and a few others) to help keep the disorder at bay but as we all know, bipolarism isn't exactly cured with a magic pill.

    Anyways, when she gets into the depressive motion of the cycle, she shuts the entire world off - including me, her boyfriend. Being entirely new to this and used to having my exes come to me for advice in sad situations, I was hurt that she put up a wall in front of me. I have a VERY big heart and am often empathetic to the emotions of others. When she pushes me away, it makes me feel unwanted or like I did something wrong (obviously a natural reaction). For instance, on Friday night she warned me that she was entering into a depressive state and that she would not be on her phone much on Saturday, however she told me she would text me when she woke up. Hours went by on Saturday without a text and I began to worry (again, big heart and I wanted to HELP her cheer up and make her feel better). With the advice from one of my friends, I decided to leave things be and NOT contact her (this was difficult for me). Long story short, she ended up texting me towards the middle of the evening and I explained to her that I was worried and all that blah blah. She explained to me that she likes to be left alone to cry, read and shut the world out when she is in these sad moments. Again, new to being in a relationship with a bipolar woman and having a big empathetic heart, it was hard for me to accept this and still is to a given extent. When she enters these periods, its almost like I don't exist or as if she doesn't want anything to do with me. Then, like the snap of a finger, the next day or a few days later she is constantly in contact with me and is beyond energetic. Its like dating two people at once with an awkward middle ground. Because of the meds she is on and sometimes mixed with the bipolar lows, she is often tired and very lazy on "in between days". She sleeps late, stays in bed all day, then goes to bed early. Or if we are out, she'll complain about how tired she is and she'll loose focus easily (this isn't the case on those energetic high days though...).

    Obviously I wouldn't be posting this if I wasn't into her and didn't care. I do care about her even though its been about a month of dating (we've known each other through work since May of '12). She's gorgeous, has a wonderful sense of humor and has a big heart like I do. I won't get all mushy mushy but I feel like we have potential to be great but in order to do that I need some advice on how to deal with these bipolar lows. Its hard for me to just ignore her lows and pretend nothing is wrong. My nature is that to help but there is very little I can do. We've talked about this to an extent but she tells me its hard for herself to understand what exactly is going on sometimes which is why she pushes everyone away.

    Another concern I have is that she has smoked weed (mainly due to her sister). I've read that with bipolarism, your decision making ability is hindered which might contribute to the drug use. Weed, to a normal person, isn't that big of a deal BUT mixing it with the numerous prescription drugs she takes IS. She has only done it once (to my knowledge) since we have been together and she regrets it. If she mentions illegal drug use again, how do I approach her with my concern without seeming controlling?

    Thank you!
    Was curious what happened with this.

    I can relate 100% to everything you wrote and it's giving me a real piece of mind during this rough period as I've been trying to reconcile with the girl I dated. I was so naive to her condition and now that I'm educating myself it changes the whole scope of how I viewed the five months I spent with her.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    It's sort of sad when I see people saying "run, run away" from those that have mental illness... it just further stigmatizes and separates them. My very best friend was diagnosed with BPD about a decade ago... she has been very open about it, talking about what it's like, what we can expect of her, she is appropriately medicated, high functioning and happily married with a 4 year old boy... she is an amazing friend... has done a lot of work to manage her illness so that it has a minimal impact on those around her... and when it does people accept it and love her anyway.

    OP my point is, your GF is being honest with you about what she is capable of during those times... if you want to be with her and support her, you need to accept this. You can't help her, you can't cheer her up, you can't fix it for her... depression doesn't work that way. She may come to trust you enough at some point to allow you into her space when she is feeling that way, if you are patient, and over time the highs and lows will likely become less dramatic if she continues to take care of herself and manage it appropriately.

  9. #18
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    Honestly, the first months of a relationship should be lighthearted, about enjoying someone's company while determining if they pass on to the next level - a third date, a fourth date, a 24th date. it shouldn't be 3 weeks of trying to 'manage" or twist yourself into a pretzel to fit into someone's life. Do you want to date someone who "warns" you when they might go into a depressive episode and disappear?

    I have a feeling that you are not figuring out if you want a relationship like this, but are trying to MAKE yourself "fit" to handle a complicated relationship like this.


    :whoops realize its an old thread, SORRY!"

  10. #19
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    Guys, someone revived a six year old thread. Sorry you all wrote thoughtful responses to someone who posted six years ago lol.

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