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Thread: How do you accept death?

  1. #1
    quirky
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    How do you accept death?

    Quite often nowadays..when I talk to my mum on the phone (I live abroad) I then get terribly sad and often even cry because I know I will lose her one day. I don't get down for ages but sad after we've talked..then I distract myself. I also get that sense of panic of when that terrible moment will come. I feel 100% safe and protected with my mum and I know noone else cares for me this way. She's so much fun and inspiration, I don't know how life will be without her.

    I lost one of my closest friends last year and the feelings have been very confusing for me. I still feel disbelief. I didn't go to his funeral because I had to fly back to our homecountry and couldn't afford it, I went to a memorial we did for him here. I have gone to our homecountry a few times this year but never gone to the cemetery. I also struggle to look at pictures of him/us for too long, I just can't believe it all. This is the first time someone close to me died. I am terrible with goodbyes as a whole..

    Since my friend died something has changed in me..I can't define it. My life doesn't feel as important any more, it's all passing and in motion and circular, the flow of life just goes round and round, somebody dies, someone is born. My ego is smaller obviously but also I have a slight sense of apathy that nothing really matters.

    Is there any way I can accept death as part of life and how can one do that?

    thanks


  2. #2
    Victoria66
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    I accept death because of my belief system. That does not mean it is not painful to lose loved ones. It most certainly is. I lost 3 of my grand parents . My one grand mother died in my arms. One of my aunts was murdered. I held my dead son in my hands. It is hard but I get through it knowing I will see them again. They also live in my heart and memories .

  3. #3
    jul-els
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    I've lost many family members including my dad. I think everyone has to deal with it on their own terms. For me, I just see it as everything in this world having an ending and beginning and at some point we all reach our end. I personally don't think about it any deeper than that because I know not myself or anyone else will ever know the reasons why. It just is. And so am I. And I'm going to enjoy it for as long as I am.

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    MasterPo
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    I'm sorry you feel that way, I hope it passes.

    As for death, being former military it was obviously a reality even in peace time. After losing a few friends to training accidents and combat, I dealt by suppressing the emotions. Not a good idea as it created the first emotional outburst I ever had, I bawled my eyes out watching a movie. My date didn't even notice but the movie triggered something and all the emo suppression had to find a release. Other than sleeping good that night, I think its far better to face it and understand the ramifications, the person is gone but it happens. One day we will go too.

    My coping mechanism is be thankful I knew them, maybe reflect on good times and toss in a few bad times. I also like to think they are a far better place, some call it heaven, valhalla, etc. I usually speak to them and tell to be careful, clear the way for me and remember not to be late to greet me when my turn comes. It helps and gives me some closure.

    Many years ago I lost a child and that pain never goes away. I have no idea what works I just know it hurts and sometimes ... well, it hurts and we have to find our own way. No true answer as we are all just a bit different. That's the greatness of ENA, we share and modify to our needs.

    Good luck.

  5. #5
    rask
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    Quote Originally Posted by quirky [Register to see the link]
    Is there any way I can accept death as part of life and how can one do that?

    thanks
    Since I'm studying to be a funeral director, I've seen a lot of people grieve through death. There is no set way to accept death, or something you can do to make it easier for you to deal with. It's just a part of life.

    I lost my dad when I was eight. For years (and still occasionally) I get really down, and think about what I would do if my mom died. Was your friend the first person close to you you've ever lost? Or did you feel this way about your mother before the loss?

    If so, it's really a normal part of grieving. I recently lost one of my friends in a car accident, and it set me back to think about what I would do if my mom, or my boyfriend passed away. This happens a lot because death has been made "real" in a way.

    You may never just accept death, but you will be able to get over the constant pain you feel from losing a loved one. It doesn't really go away, it just becomes a part of you that you accept and live with.

  6. #6
    Victoria66
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    I am sorry. Yes, this is true. That pain never leaves.

  7. #7
    860ffg
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    I don't think there is a good answer about this. You have to come to terms with accepting death on your own.

    I had these same emotions not long ago, although I was concerned about my own death more.
    At the end I came to terms with it by accepting that everything that starts, must end. We have to evolve, transform but the most of all, love throughout our life.
    We create bonds, and people become part of us. We become part of them. And it is beautiful while it lasts. I am thankful for that.

    I did this exercise that helped me go trough those rough times:

    Each day I woke up, I said thank you, for I can live this day I do good and love today. Felt good to get the day as a gift.

    And also, I try to volunteer as much as I can and help other people. That always gives a meaning of life.

    Stay strong, this is just a phase everyone is going trough.

  8. #8
    itsallgrand
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    I'm so sorry you lost your friend.

    I think that about my mom and brother sometimes, too. I love them so much it hurts sometimes, just to think of losing them. I lost several people who were very important to me quite early. I lost my father suddenly at 14, and almost lost my brother at that time as well. It was very difficult. In that same year, my gramps who was my rock for a place to go and who had significant wisdom and could make things in a way I could understand, he lost his fight with cancer and passed away. In my twenties, I lost a friend and a step father to death as well.

    I don't have the answers. I do know that having people like my gramps helps a lot. People who are strong, empathetic, and can make things in a way that you personally relate to and can understand. Simply being able to talk about death (many people do not and will not, not openly) helps a lot. And it helped me a lot to have people I could talk about the people I loved with a sense of comfort.

    It has helped me a lot to focus on the positive end of it. I could think, my life has been so sh/y because look at some of the losses I've had and I'm still pretty young. But I honestly do think it of more like, god I am so lucky to have had so many people in my life where they were so important to me and there was so much love!

    There was a point where my experiences with death numbed me and I suppressed my emotions in order to try and deal with the pain. It's a natural mechanism but it doesn't deal with the pain. Eventually, it has to be felt.

    I agree it's an extremely personal thing. I've not found a way to accept death as simply a part of life and to have no negative feelings about it. I suppose a person could be conditioned to be like that, but can it ever be changed that humans will feel loss when someone meaningful to them dies? I doubt it.

    For me, it has been less about accepting death and more about accepting a life without the people who are gone now. Life without them is the challenging part.

    I think you are mostly likely still very keenly feeling the loss of your friend, and so you quite naturally are worried about losing someone else precious to you. I can relate to that, I used to feel like that quite often.

  9. #9
    iamkaylee
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    Death is a natural part of all life. We all have to find our own way to come to terms with this. I don't see it so much as a final ending, but an ending to what is "now" and moving on to something different and maybe more.

  10. #10
    quirky
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    Thank you all for your replies, it really helps reading of other people dealing with a loss.

    I think you are mostly likely still very keenly feeling the loss of your friend, and so you quite naturally are worried about losing someone else precious to you. I can relate to that, I used to feel like that quite often.
    You're right about that and I'm sure it's common. the other night my best friend was crossing the road but not from the crossing and I was so scared, i kept looking until he crossed. I have this fear that never was there before.

    We have to evolve, transform but the most of all, love throughout our life
    That's beautiful, I agree. It is very hard for me to comprehend endings, I don't know why. I feel like a child would, unable to get my head around it.

    Was your friend the first person close to you you've ever lost? Or did you feel this way about your mother before the loss?
    Yes, he's the first person. The thought of losing other people would devastate me at any time but I never thought of it much before. But I have always been very scared of losing what/who I love even because they move location, or because of breaking up. I get close even to unanimous things that I feel correspond to my soul.

    What I see is that eventhough I may not cry every day, whenever I think that my friend is gone the feeling is the same as it was those first days they told me the news.

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