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I'm 20 years old. Parents against me bringing a girl home just to visit?!?!?


0101Real0010

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Broke up with girlfriend a month ago. We were only together for 8 months. We're still close. Her family is very welcoming, have opened their home to me and have even come to accept me as family. I've always wanted her to see my home and where I grew up (our homes are 4 hours away from each other) and for my family to essentially give her the same treatment as her's has done for me. BUT they say it's awkward, plus my mother told me that there's some kind of "meaning" to bringing a girl home see the parents. I've reassured them that's she's JUST A FRIEND now. Best friend...

 

Actually, come to think of it this is one of the reasons why our relationship was so stressful. Her family was welcoming, but for some godforsaken reason I COULD NEVER get my parents comfortable with her... They met with her once after 6 months of us being together. They knew it was a serious relationship, but even when they did meet they were still uncomfortable with it because they weren't "ready yet". They always told me to not get serious and to just focus on my studies (I'm a college student), almost as if I would drop out of school or something if we ever wanted to get married. My ex always thought that my family was stuck-up and just didn't want to meet her because they didn't like her for completely unfounded reasons (because they didn't even know her).

 

I've asked them to explain... Now my mother says that she will ONLY welcome the girl I KNOW I'm going to marry and spend the rest of my life with. What kind of crap is that? What if I have another girl who's just a friend who just wants to come over an visit one day?

 

I really don't understand it. Not one bit. And I was hoping maybe some parents on here could help me shed some light on why they are like this. Sure my parents love me a lot, they're on the clingy side, and I'm an only child. But, so my ex is an only child as well and her parents love her very much. It has honestly led me to develop a great resentment towards my parents. If this is the way they're going to treat my serious relationships, then I'm seriously considering becoming completely independent of them and letting them have absolutely no say or no connection with who I choose to become serious with.

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I've asked them to explain... Now my mother says that she will ONLY welcome the girl I KNOW I'm going to marry and spend the rest of my life with.

 

well I agree with you , it is a little extreme ....maybe they dont want to feel like they have to welcome one woman after another over your lifetime of dating and would rather dip out until its the real deal. Which , in all honesty life changes so much its hard to be so sure .

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Here's the thing, your parents have different values than you. They don't want you to bring anyone other than your wife home. As much as you might disagree or feel that their position is stupid, they are your parents and it's their house. You just have to respect that they have old fashioned values. It's doubtful they will change at this point in life. My parents were the same. The WEEK before my wedding they told me we should "slow down" or "just be friends". It wasn't that they didn't/don't like my husband, they just had old fashioned values and were worried about me. I got married anyway though. Respecting your parents opinions doesn't mean giving in to what they want. HOWEVER- When it comes to THEIR home, they have a right to feel comfortable in it and not have an unwelcome visitor. Making your parents feel uncomfortable isn't a good way to introduce them/ get them to like a woman. Nor will it make them accept your behavior/decisions. You dont have to cut them out of your personal life, invite them to be involved but dont force them. Stand firm with what you decide for your relationships, but don't force your parents to be involved. Eventually they'll see if they want to spend time with you it means accepting your descisions.

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I understand it in a way, because I feel I have a right to say who stays, but I would probably welcome a friend if it were important to my kids.

 

Maybe your mum thinks it's still a sexual relationship and that makes her uncomfortable? What if you made other plans - to sleep at a hotel or friend's house, and just visit during the day?

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