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Thread: Intense crush on someone else... but I love my boyfriend. So confused.

  1. #1
    haylo
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    Unhappy Intense crush on someone else... but I love my boyfriend. So confused.

    Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated...

    I can't talk to anyone else about this because I fear my boyfriend could find out. That sounds horrible, I know, but I've never felt like this and I have no control over it.

    I've been with my boyfriend a little over a year. He's treats me like a princess and I fell madly in love with him. However, I'll admit, the *spark* has gone away and the feeling of butterflies in my stomach has faded. That's kinda normal, right? Honeymoon stage doesn't last forever? I'm fine with that... but...

    I met a guy at work that gives me that crush feeling again and I feel like I'm addicted. I've never felt like this before. I mean I really can't stop thinking about him as much as I try to. I constantly feel anxious and guilty because I know that I shouldn't be thinking about him in that light when I'm committed to someone else. But I can't help it. I'm somewhat forced to be around him since I work with him and he's always making me laugh and giggle and we have great conversations.

    I haven't acted out on anything, but I am flirtatious with him and we've texted a few times. He already told me we should stop because he respects that I have a boyfriend. I do believe he has a crush on me as well but I'm not sure how strong it is. I am going to try to avoid him but I feel depressed and the tension at work is just awkward when we're both outwardly denying that we want to talk and socialize.

    I'm so scared that this is going to progress because it could potentially destroy my current relationship. But at the same time, it's so exciting to meet someone else that you connect with.

    I've had a few small crushes on other guys here and there, but this one is way more intense. I know it's normal to be attracted to someone else, but it's like I have this addiction to that "crush" feeling.

    Please help me. Is this normal? Does it mean that my boyfriend isn't "the one" because I like someone else??? Has anyone else gone through this before? My boyfriend doesn't deserve to get dumped.

    I just feel like I'm incapable of having a stable relationship. What is wrong with me? I can't be with someone for a year without constantly thinking about other men? I feel like a piece of sh*t.

    Thank you for reading

  2. #2
    Mistykitty
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    You're right, its normal for the "spark" to kinda fade away after the honeymoon phase. The good news is, its also normal to develop crushes on other people. Especially after the honeymoon phase has ended--you're addicted to the feeling of falling in love all over again, or "the chase". I've seen someone here that humans aren't programmed for monogamy and I agree with that.

    In my opinion, it does NOT mean that your boyfriend isn't "the one". After all, you can't help who you like. The one thing you're doing wrong, though, is being flirtatious with him. That IS disrespectful to your boyfriend; how would you feel if he was doing the same? With someone who he has a huge crush on, no less? Your best bet is to just tell your boyfriend, and hopefully he'll understand.

    This has happened to me before. Really, the biggest thing is deciding who to date--obviously you love your boyfriend, but you also might look back in five years and wonder "what if"?

  3. #3
    haylo
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    @Mistykitty

    thanks for the reply. You said you've been in this situation before, right? What did you do if you don't mind me asking?

  4. #4
    Fudgie
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    Yeah, the honeymoon period always wears off. But that's normal. It sounds like you're addicted to that feeling though.

    I think it's inappropriate of you to flirt with this guy. Not fair to your boyfriend.

    Years ago I got a crush while I was in a LTR. My relationship at the time was on the rocks. I didn't flirt with the guy or even know him that well but a crush developed quickly. So I stopped talking to him and hanging out with him.

    You ultimately have to decide you want to be with. But if you choose the new guy because of the feeling, be aware that it will fade and you'll be back where you are now, wanting to chase that high.

  5. #5
    DN

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    I think you need to tell your boyfriend how you feel about this other guy and let him decide if he wants to stay with you - at the moment he is not getting the truth about what he thinks is a great relationship.

  6. #6
    Mistykitty
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    Quote Originally Posted by haylo [Register to see the link]
    @Mistykitty

    thanks for the reply. You said you've been in this situation before, right? What did you do if you don't mind me asking?
    I ended up dating him eventually. Hah.
    He was the one who talked me out of my abusive, LTR at the time and we ended up dating eventually
    Probably not the most helpful thing

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