I have been in love with a girl in my year for more then two years now. I have always loved talking to her and we have amazing chemistry together. A couple of years a go we started texting with a lot of flirtation, and she went through a period where she was always cuddling me and always touching me and giving me majorly flirty looks. It was very obvious she had feelings for me yet i never wanted to believe it because it seemed too good to be true as i am also a girl and the chances of a girl that you like liking you back is very minimal.
Anyway basically we went to a party and it was clear something would happen between us, and it did, we kissed. But things never developed with us.
We've spoken about it since and she said she wanted to be with me but she was too scared, which is understandable. And that she's never liked any other girl apart from me.
The completely frustrating thing is we have had the same dynamics in our relationship for years...when we walk past each other or are in the same room we always make an intense eye contact where it feels like she's looking right inside me, when we dont speak to each other for ages and then speak its never awkward and we just get on like a house on fire, and we are so unbelievably similar it kills me that we've never had a chance to try out being together.
But my dilemma is she has a boyfriend of over a year who she basically chose over me and she has even told me last year that if i was a boy she would have chosen me instead. Also for the last seven months I have been in a relationship with another girl, but we're not together anymore.
Whilst being with my girlfriend the subject girl always asked questions about being with a girl and was really interested in it. A couple of weeks a go i slept at this girls house after she got rejected from a night club...and obviously the night included deep drunken chats about our past and we talked about how its so hard to be friends because feelings get in the way and i felt comfortable telling her I used to be in love with her, and we snuggled all night and spent most of the next day together...
But essentially i have come to the realisation that I'm in love with her still and need to at least try being with her before we all part to go to university....it seems obvious that i should just tell her my feelings but the thing is she never texts me first, she seems always reluctant to want to meet up with me so we never do, and she says she wants to break up with her boyfriend but i just cant see her doing it!!!
I'm so involved in the whole thing I cant tell if her feelings have ever been as strong as mine, do you think she loved/loves me?
I really need advice on what to do next...its driving me mad!!