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How soon is too soon to move in with a boyfriend/girlfriend?


ForeverFree81

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I have been with my boyfriend about 4 months, and depending on how things are going with us, I am considering moving to his town in the middle of next year, which is about an hour and a half from where I live now. If I move to him when I plan to, in the middle of next year, we will have been together approx a year. I was just wondering what your thoughts were regarding how soon is too soon to move in with someone, and what feelings do you get when considering it. It seems like a good idea to me, and I am excited and happy about the prospect of moving in with my boyfriend, but I just wanna hear from other people, about their experiences and how did they "know" they were doing the right thing. I myself have my own horror story after moving in with an ex, so I know it can go wrong, but I just want to know about other peoples experiences, and how they made the transition easier and better for both involved.

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It seems like a good idea to me, and I am excited and happy about the prospect of moving in with my boyfriend, but I just wanna hear from other people, about their experiences and how did they "know" they were doing the right thing.

 

Prior to moving in with someone, I had to consider my child, so whether that person was capable of living our lifestyle was key. Also, I had to feel comfortable about their alcohol use and the ability to financial contribute.

 

Congrats and good luck!

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We moved in together after about a year. But I would say that we were spending every night together since the beginning. 2 or 3 months into our relationship, I would spend the night because he lived 30 minutes away and I lived with my grandpa at the time. I guess it's just up to how you feel about that person. We spent every minute together and I thought I knew his habits pretty well. But moving in together changes alot of stuff. You get comfortable so you have to make sure that you guys have similar views on how day to day living. Financial stuff also comes into play. My issues for our breakup recently was the drinking and the video games. So just be very aware of who the person is that you love and whether or not you can really deal with his issues.

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You have already had a bad experience moving in with someone..so why the rush to do it again. I see the way people have serial live-in relationships and then pat themselves on the back for never having been divorced..but it is still the same kind of thing..moving all your stuff in..moving all your stuff out plus the fights over money and household items...wash, rinse, repeat with the next live-in..and the next live-in and the next live-in.......until by the time a person hits their mid-thirties they may have lived with 4 or 5 different partners (and still pat themselves on the back for never having been divorced). Why can't you move to his town and get your own place?

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first live in gf moved in after 8 months and that was a bad mistake in hindsight (honeymoon phase ending right when moving in...)

 

second live in gf moved in after 8 months because i knocked her up...(yay alcohol!!!) that didnt work out either after the kid turned 1.

 

third almost live in gf dated for 5 years (she was in college) was planning on moving in, and she decided to join a cult in the midwest (dodged a bullet there!)

 

I am not living with anymore GF's until the next time im engaged.

 

I dont see the rush in moving in anymore, it made sense to me when I was young and stupid (it was basically playing grown up/playing house) and it was probably a good learning experience but I have no problem living on my own and having your own space to go back home to is great!

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For me, basically moving in is moving in to a common law marriage situation. Of course it takes time for this but that is how I think about it. So the thoughts that go into moving in, are the things I'd consider prior to marriage. It's a lot of the same thought process - though not as "final" as marriage, I suppose. There is more room for flexibility and keeping things individual legally.

 

But close to the same level of seriousness and consideration. Not for new relationships. For relationships that have already stood some test of time and we are looking at sharing a life together in some real capacity.

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I wouldn't suggest moving in together unless the two of you have already had serious talks about either getting married or being life-partners. I moved in with a former girlfriend after 4 months and it ended horribly.

 

You gotta look out for yourself, and since you've already been burned before why are you rushing into this again with the "hopes" that everything will still be sound after approximately a year of dating? If I were you, I would stay where you are right now and think about moving in again after a year or so. 4 months is way too early -- you're still in the honeymoon phase.

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The middle of next year? So that is June 2013. You are banking on a 4 month old relationship being around in 9 months time. Hey, maybe you will still be together, but maybe not.

Don't plan so far ahead when it comes to new relationships.

 

Agreed. The goes with long term relationships...you never what's going to happen in the future.

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My boyfriend and I moved in after a year. I think people should wait at least 6 months and also when the honeymoon phase ends. You need to wait for it to end and if you still want to move in, great!

 

I'm glad my state doesn't grant common law marriages. That would be mess.

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I have only said I am considering a move, and I dont think I would move straight in with him, I would like to get my own house for 6 months or so, see how that goes, and then see about moving in with him, or us getting a house together. I dont really think we are in the honeymoon phase anymore, and we have had a couple of serious conversations about the future. The distance is starting to become an issue, which is why I wanted to move closer to him, and give our relationship a chance. The way I see it, I have nothing to lose, he is a great guy, we are both really into each other and everything is going great, so at the moment, moving closer to each other is a very real possibility, and is something I am seriously considering. The bad experience I had with my ex didnt really result from us getting our own place, the issues started when we had to move back in with his parents, and the emotional blackmail started with him trying to control me- do this or I'll kick you out, you have nothing and nowhere to go if I tell you to F off, etc. I do agree that it is a new relationship, but we are taking things seriously and are going slowly. We havent made any concrete plans about moving in with one another, but have discussed the possibility of it sometime next year. We are happy at the moment, and have been the whole way through our relationship, we havent had a single serious disagreement and love every second we spend in each others company. I get that no one can tell me whether it is going to work out or not, its just something I have to figure out myself, but the way I see it, I'm young, I am with an amazing guy who appreciates me in ways no one else has, who wants me in his life and I dont really have much to lose- money comes and goes, that doesnt worry me, I have nothing holding me in my current town, as I can do my university by distance, I always have a place to go back to if it falls apart and this will only strengthen our relationship if it works out. Is that a healthy way to see things?

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I don't think it's wise (or financially healthy) to consider buying a house with someone you are not married to. Why are you moving and not him? Be careful not to plan on making sacrifices while you are still in the honeymoon stage.

 

While things are cool now, I do think living together before marriage is often playing house without much understanding of the implications.

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The reason I am moving to him is because he has an amazing job and all his family there, and where I live at the moment, I am not in the same town as my family, I can get a transfer with my job and it will be cheaper to live in his town, rather than where I am living at the moment. It also works out to be the same distance away from my family too, so basically, all I am gaining is more time with my boyfriend, saving money and a better and quieter learning environment. I know its not as black and white as that, and as I have said they arent solid plans, its just something I am considering, but I am curious to know what you all consider to be the normal length of the honeymoon period? Im pretty sure ours is over, we have been officially together 4 months, and were dating over a month before that. Our relationship seems more serious now, and isnt as carefree and new as it used to feel.

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I think you should not move in with him, but move nearby - somewhere in his town. Apply for jobs there and look through the local paper and craigslist before you go to find a roommate situation - even if its with 2 girls in the beginning, an in-law apartment, etc. This way you can continue to date him and see how the relationship continues to develop instead of playing house. Right now you are 1 1/2 hours away from eachother, so you don't have the situation of being able to drop in on eachother everyday. It is different when someone is close by, but sometimes has other things to do , versus is glued to you. You want to have your own friends in town, too. Living together should only be, to me, as a convenience right before the wedding, or in others' minds, when you have been together and are both wanting to be married but feel living together is the next step.

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I moved in with my boyfriend after three months. COuld it have been a mistake? hell yeah. Was it? No. We are coming up on seven years together. Everyone is different. What is right for your relationship might not be right for anyone else. Have you talked to him about it? How does he feel?

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We have talked about it, he hates the distance and so do I, and both of us come to the conclusion that the only way our relationship is gonna grow more is if we are closer, and both of us want it. Maybe not right now, but soon. And congrats on your 7 years, Im kind of over hearing horror stories, its nice to hear a happy ending

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