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My best guy friend tried to look at naked pictures of me!


jchstar

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best guy friend and i have been friends for like 6 years now. We are both 23. We talk about everything. I always knew he was protective of me and that he thought i was pretty but today something awkward happened...a little background on him....he is a virgin. for a while it was because he is by society's standards not attractive and he doesn't take care of himself at all...and he has really high standards. So he just wasn't getting laid. Now i think its by choice. He has given up on dating until he gets his life into a "better place" and he isn't really chasing anyone.

 

Anyway so its a little hard for him to relate to me sometimes and me to him because i have been sexually active since i was pretty young. And our friendship is mostly healthy accept sometimes if we hang out and i am wearing pjs or a low cut shirt i often catch him looking down my shirt. And i have tried to make sure i am careful about this because it makes me uncomfortable and if i say anything he seems to deny it or act like nothing happened. Also his hugs sometimes make me uncomfortable. But i have just gotten in the habit of working around this. Well today we did some running around town, errands and such and I'm dating a new guy so me and him ended up talking about if i should have sex with this new guy yet. I wanted his opinion and he always gets mad if i don't share whats going on in my life with him...so we talked and then i had to go to work soon so i said my goodbyes, jumped in the shower and then figured he left. I didn't hear the door close when he left though so about 5 min into my shower i realized i forgot my fav body lotion so i put a towel on and headed out to my room to go get it and here was my friend sitting on the couch looking through my phones pictures!!

 

The back story about these photos is i had a couple months before taken some risque pictures..nothing crazy. Just 2 topless artsy pics of me in my bellydance garb and i had meant to delete them later but forgot so a week back we were hanging out and he went to go through my pictures for some reason and i was like heey...don't just go through those without asking and he was like why? whatcha got on here? teasing me and i was like oh just a few pics but i meant to delete them and he didn't say anything more and that was the end of it.

 

 

Well then i caught him trying to look through my phone today while i was in the shower. It was really awkward because i thought he left and here i am standing dripping wet in a towel having to confront my best friend about him trying to look at naked pictures at me. Not only did he try to lie to me and say he was " looking up something on the internet" but he kept trying to make up another lie and just stood there arms crossed. I was like...i saw the gallery open and so he finally admitted and i was like WHY? And he said he was curious and excited because we had been talking about sex stuff and he is "repressed"

 

He always said he thought of me as a sister and loves me like a sister but the fact that this happened really confuses me.

 

What should i say to him? Should i establish more boundaries in my relationship with him? i really like the fact that i can talk about whatever with him and it would suck to lose that because we mutually depend on each other for support and i didn't think he thought of me that way! He is my closest friend but i don't think being repressed is an excuse to do this.

Help!

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It IS natural for men to like to look at naked women, but he invaded her privacy. I understand why she felt uncomfortable. I wouldn't cut a guy out of my life over this, but I wouldn't discuss things of a sexual nature with him anymore (unless you actually are attracted to him and would consider having sex with him, since it sounds like he does think of you in that way a slight bit - you wouldn't want to even GLANCE at naked pics of your sister).

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It IS natural for men to like to look at naked women, but he invaded her privacy. I understand why she felt uncomfortable. I wouldn't cut a guy out of my life over this, but I wouldn't discuss things of a sexual nature with him anymore (unless you actually are attracted to him and would consider having sex with him, since it sounds like he does think of you in that way a slight bit - you wouldn't want to even GLANCE at naked pics of your sister).

i am NOT attracted to him and don't want to be more than friends. But i don't think its "natural" or okay for him to be trying to look at me or sneak a peak at me. I guess that comes with having a guy as a friend but i feel like he should be able to control him self better...

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I would not be so concerned about a male friend wanting to look at naked pictures of me, but I would be completely concerned about someone invading my privacy like that. That was completely wrong. Put a pin on your phone, and make sure he realizes that actions that betray your trust have consequences.

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He's a guy. If you're a good looking woman, he's going to look.

 

You need to start being realistic about your friendship with this guy. Because I would bet you a large sum of money that, given the chance, he would pursue something more than just friendship with you.

 

Being a man is not an excuse for invading someone's privacy.

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I also agree with the others who are saying, it's time to re evaluate how you look at this friendship. He can't be that guy you talk about everything with. You kinda knew this for a while....hugs that are uncomfortable, having to watch him because he is looking down your shirt. It's time to pull back.

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The guy is lonely, miserable, horny, and in love with jchstar. The closest thing to a sex life he has is pressing jchstar for details about hers. His lack of social skills is going to keep him lonely, miserable, and horny for the foreseeable future.

 

He's hoping for something more, and not realizing (or accepting) that he's in the friend zone for life.

 

The only hope for his future is for jchstar to either help him find a girlfriend of his own or to stop hanging out with him and let him move on.

 

Helping him find a girlfriend of his own would be a serious good deed and earn jchstar many karma points, but it's going to take a lot of coaching, a makeover, and she'll have to throw a lot of female friends in his path. It would probably be simpler to dump him and let him move on.

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he invaded her privacy

 

True, and not to be understated. Those pictures weren't meant for him, and it was a violation of her trust and privacy to look at them.

 

... I wouldn't discuss things of a sexual nature with him anymore ...

 

Very true. Frustrated as he is, this isn't doing him any favors.

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You need to have a serious chat with him. It's one thing to be a guy and be drawn to an attractive woman sexually, but being desperate enough to kind of ruin your trust by going through your phone without permission and flat out invading your privacy just to get a quick peak at what you look like without a shirt on is a whole different story. I don't know any friend who would do that.

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I'm with the pilot here. He's in love with you and has been for a long time. He is waiting in hope that one day you might want to be more than friends. he doesn't want you to help him find someone else, because he is into you and wants no-one else.

 

This can only get worse and one day he might actually try something, you will blow up in his face and then wonder what the hell happened.

 

I'd be putting some distance between you and getting on with you life without him so close, especially if you have a boyfriend. if you want to talk about girly things, go find a female friend. This includes when you should be sleeping with the new man.

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I dont think this friendship could work at this point. He def wants more...your not comfortable and he has lost a little bit of trust over this situation...He def seems sexually frustrated. I think all his excuses is because he is waiting for any chance for you....

 

if you do try to work things out..at this point you need to be very blunt IMO...set up boundaries and what will and will not happen..also sex talk, sexual talk..etc ..would stay away from that...

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Too many apologists for this guy. He's being a creep, and it's your duty as someone who calls him "best friend" to call attention to it. However, on your end, you're also not being the greatest friend because you're posting this on an internet advice forum instead of doing what true friends are supposed to do: TALK TO EACH OTHER.

 

If you can't have a personal conversation with your best friend - despite awkwardness - are you really best friends? Sit him down and don't let him worm out of it with excuses, just ask him if there's something he needs to tell you, and tell him that his actions have made you uncomfortable. Like Doc Blaze said above, ESTABLISH YOUR BOUNDARIES.

 

Even if you ignore everything else I've said, pay attention to the words in caps and you'll be fine.

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Too many apologists for this guy. He's being a creep, and it's your duty as someone who calls him "best friend" to call attention to it. However, on your end, you're also not being the greatest friend because you're posting this on an internet advice forum instead of doing what true friends are supposed to do: TALK TO EACH OTHER.

 

If you can't have a personal conversation with your best friend - despite awkwardness - are you really best friends? Sit him down and don't let him worm out of it with excuses, just ask him if there's something he needs to tell you, and tell him that his actions have made you uncomfortable. Like Doc Blaze said above, ESTABLISH YOUR BOUNDARIES.

 

Even if you ignore everything else I've said, pay attention to the words in caps and you'll be fine.

 

this is good advice. I have been avoiding him because i dont' know what to say and he texted me today to ask if "im over being mad yet"

 

that made me more mad. Im not "getting over it" until he says sorry and understands WHY im mad. Which he doesn't

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Look guy-girl friendships dont exist, nature takes over and sex come into the picture. If you dont want him, get rid of him. Just say sorry you breached my trust up to the point that i am excluding you out of my life, you really did this by yourself and i have to protect myself, goodbye.

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Look guy-girl friendships dont exist, nature takes over and sex come into the picture. If you dont want him, get rid of him. Just say sorry you breached my trust up to the point that i am excluding you out of my life, you really did this by yourself and i have to protect myself, goodbye.

 

Agree. I don't care what anyone says but male-female friendships never last. In this case it seems obvious that he wants to be with you and he's kept himself in the friendzone all of these years just waiting for his chance. If I were you i'd cut ties and move on. This guy isn't going to get into a "better place" in his life until he realizes he's wasting his time by holding out for you. The best thing you could do for him would be to end the friendship.

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Agree. I don't care what anyone says but male-female friendships never last. In this case it seems obvious that he wants to be with you and he's kept himself in the friendzone all of these years just waiting for his chance. If I were you i'd cut ties and move on. This guy isn't going to get into a "better place" in his life until he realizes he's wasting his time by holding out for you. The best thing you could do for him would be to end the friendship.

 

Aw, but then she wouldn't get to enjoy the attention ;(

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