If your friend fell in love with you, would you just walk away?

Imagine a scenario where a close friend falls in love with you. You don't feel the same way and there is no chance of being more than friends.

Would you handle it maturely and keep the friendship, or would you just walk away without a goodbye or explanation?

Had this situation come up. I sat down with him and laid it all on the table and put an extreme amount of distance between us. Very limited contact for about 6 months. I've allowed more contact since then but I'm very quick to push him back away if he invades my new comfort zone with him. I do think he's quite gotten over his foolish infatuation at this point. We are still friends but the friendship has been altered forever.

I should add that if he hadn't been willing to listen to reason or hadn't come to his senses, I would have walked away from the friendship forever. That possibility is still on the table if he starts getting ooky again.

I would keep the friendship, but make it clear that you do not feel that way about them, now or ever. It would be up to them to decide if they wanted to continue being your friend. But I would not put up with any nonsense in the future like them trying it on again, I would say if you can't keep it platonic then we can-not be friends any longer.

Had this situation come up. I sat down with him and laid it all on the table and put an extreme amount of distance between us. Very limited contact for about 6 months. I've allowed more contact since then but I'm very quick to push him back away if he invades my new comfort zone with him. I do think he's quite gotten over his foolish infatuation at this point. We are still friends but the friendship has been altered forever.

 

I should add that if he hadn't been willing to listen to reason or hadn't come to his senses, I would have walked away from the friendship forever. That possibility is still on the table if he starts getting ooky again.

That seems unfair. I believe people should fight for a friendship to last.

What does he mean to you?

Also, people can't help their feelings. Why is walking away ever an option? I don't feel like a true friend would ever do that.

I told my friend I liked her as more than a friend, then some time passed, she said nothing, and then she just went away.

Also, people can't help their feelings. Why is walking away ever an option? I don't feel like a true friend would ever do that.

Yes they would! If that "friend" didn't knock it off after being told "I'm not into you", then that "friend" is not a friend at all.

I'd be pretty upset. If we were that close, I'd hope we could talk it out and eventually resume the friendship. But if it was to that point, it would probably require some distancing.

It happened once, a very long time ago. You know everything that applies in a friendship, at the time I was naive enough to believe that can overcome anything. Including romantic love feelings. But romantic love feelings to the point where a close friend feels the absolute need to express these feelings out loud and clearly, and risk the friendship in the process, well it's hard to turn back from that. And those types of feelings have a way of overriding a lot of other usual ways of dealing with situations - like in a friendship, that isn't there to worry about. It adds a new layer of negotiating.

It was awful and awful because there is no nice way to resolve it. Someone's feelings will get hurt.

This is honestly a difficult situation, but If it was me the I would try being in a relationship with that person, or at least just go on one date, and see how things work out from there. You cant say you dont like the person until you have actually tried to gain feelings for them. And I am new to this, and wanted to know.. How do u write a post??

I would tell the person I didn't feel the same way and tell him that I'd leave it to him to contact me to continue the friendship. If he did, I would continue the friendship but with different boundaries such as not sharing with him stuff about my romantic life or interests. I also wouldn't invite him, if I were single, to places where I was trying to meet men. If he did not respect my boundaries and continued to pursue me as a romantic partner I probably would need to end the friendship.

Someone's feelings will get hurt.

Yes, the feelings of the person in love.

I hate how people act like by falling in love with a friend you're doing some awful thing. People can't help who they fall in love with, and people often fall in love with the people they feel most comfortable with and know the best. I didn't feel that way about my friend at all at first, but over time I just grew feelings for her. It's unfair that I'm some horrible person because of that.

The general feeling seems to be that it's okay to just end a friendship because someone fell in love with you. How fair.

it's okay to just end a friendship because someone fell in love with you. How fair.

it is no longer a friendship

because if your intention is to eventually get in their pants then you are not being a true friend, so why would you expect them to "be a true friend" and ignore your intentions so as not to hurt you. If you are lusting after them your intentions are not platonic and therefore ypou have totally changed the dynamic of the relationship, y0u are not a friend you are a suitor, and when someone rejects a suitor they usually don't want them hanging around right?

I have ended a friendship because a guy got attached. I did it out of repsect for his feelings. It isn't fair to hang out with him knowing that he won't be able to get over his infatuation if i am constantly in his life. I am sure he can manage his feelings just fine, but our interactions would never be the same. essentially, we would not be friends anymore because the line was crossed.

Yes, the feelings of the person in love.

True. But it's also not fun watching someone you care for deeply being disappointed, and hurt, and knowing you probably won't have your friend as your friend in the same way ever again.

I am sure he can manage his feelings just fine

My ex friend thought the same thing. She was wrong.

It's not about lust, or getting in someone's pants. I loved my friend and wanted to marry her.

I am new to this.. Can you tell me how to write a post so others can answer it ?

Also, if a lover can't be a true friend, then why do people say their husbands and wives are their best friend? Seems contradictory.

I am new to this.. Can you tell me how to write a post so others can answer it ?

click on 'forum' at top of page, then you'll see the option 'post new thread' at the right hand side of window

I've had this happen, where a good guy friend confessed his feelings for me. I made it absolutely clear that - while I cared for him - I did not want to be with him in that way and he wasn't my "type". Then I left it up to him if he wanted to continue the friendship. He did... we did... I very much checked myself to make sure I wasn't sending any mixed signals whatsoever. I even set him up with a friend! But... the truth is... it never went away. Then, one night, he made a physical pass at me. I said "no", went home, and we tried the friendship some more. A few months passed and he made a pass at me again.

It's very stressful for both people when feelings are present. It's stressful for the person without feelings because you always have to double-check what you say and do to make sure you aren't flirting or sending mixed messages. You have to be on your guard a little bit. For the one with feelings it's also hard to watch that person go out with other people and there's always that "hope" that lingers.

I do have ONE friend where it (kind of) worked out and we were able to remain friends... but even that one has changed quite a bit. He is very respectful of my boundaries, and I of his, but there are definitely new boundaries in place.

Once you confess, whether you like it or not, the dynamic changes. You can't put the cat back in the bag, unfortunately.

Look at it from this perspective - if you fall in love with a platonic friend you have a choice not to share those feelings if you are fairly certain they will not be reciprocated, so that you do not burden your friend with handling those feelings and the consequences. All friendships have boundaries - things you filter out - things that might be tactless, thoughtless, or burden the friend especially if shared at the wrong time. For example if your friend just went through a terrible break up would you tell her the next day that you were so excited because someone awesome just asked you out? In a perfect world your friend should be happy for you, be able to put her own stuff aside, but it's an imperfect world and so we think before we share - is it really necessary to share something that your friend might not be able to handle at that time (or ever?). You can't help how you feel but you can help how you react to how you feel.

cadmium sounds like you want to argue, and maybe are not open to what people are posting here. She decided to end the friendship probably because it made her feel uncomfortable to continue further. I'm sure she didn't want to hurt you, but maybe you just have to accept it, and realize that it will probably be easier now to get over her and find someone new

If both individuals can develop feelings for each other in the same time frame - it's a great basis for a relationship.

However, problems may arise when one person develops feelings, but the other doesn't.

For most people it's simply too hard to see someone for whom they have romantic feelings get involved with someone else. Friends usually talk to each other about their dating experiences - however it would be cruel to tell someone who is your friend and who you know has romantic feelings how you are interested in someone else. But if you don't talk about these things anymore it automatically changes the dynamics of the friendship, since one will necessarily look for other friends with whom to share the talking about ones dating experiences

It generally seems that falling in love with your friend is some horrible act of evil. I don't understand why, especially since it's not controllable. I never asked to fall for my friend.