Does unrequited love/heartbreak/abandonment leave a person heartless?

I notice that I can be quite cruel to other people, in my thoughts, though it does occasionally come out in my actions. Very heartless. I even surprise myself sometimes at how heartless I can be.

When I was 22, my former best friend and love of my life went away after I told her I loved her. She did not feel the same. She never spoke to me again.

I wonder if this event left me heartless.

Does heartbreak leave people heartless?

Heartbreak leaves a person just that...heart broken.

You are not heartless...just hurt..and probably your ego's a little bruised.

What makes a person heartless needs much more

Ill answer with my personal story. About a month ago i confessed to my best friends girlfriend cause i was blinded by my feelings. If i was rejected it would be a blessing now that i think of it. But instead she told me she has feelings for me to and then we both decided we couldnt do that to my friend and kept quiet. But then i couldnt take the pressure and told him messing everything up. Now my best friend and the love of my life are kinda talking to me but we cant hang out anymore. And the irony is im the only one who really lost from this. I lost two best friends and the person i wanted to spend the rest of my days with.

BUT i dont regret it. i dont regret loving her and i dont regret telling her cause thats what id do again cause thats how i felt. What i mean by this is that you went through some stuff and it made you stronger. So you probably dont really see how some people being weaker cant handle simpler stuff. But man think of the bright side at least you got a clear answer. In my case rejection would be a salvation to all the memories holding me back. She says she thinks of me and wants me but its not the right thing to do and other stupid stuff and keeps killing me inside. Deep down i know she probably doesnt feel the same cause id fight the whole world to be with her. Sorry for rumbling what im saying is now that youre stronger try to help people that are weaker than you in that aspect. Try to put yourself in their shoes and advise them when in need. Youre not a bad person else youd just wouldnt bother to post those things. Pain did make you stronger but dont forget about compassion too. All in all my advise try to take an interest in close friends problems and help them. Not only it will make you think about your situation and find inner peace but also feel better overall. Btw im 23 so im just stating what i believe and have experienced, but i definetely want to hear a repost when your situation changed and i know it will in time. best of luck

Heartbreak can change you. It can change who you want to be and how you act. I don't think it can change who you are as a person to the core. That's for you to decide though.

You may just have shut down and not want to expose your vulnerability.

i agree with johny and i also want to point out that you have to face it somehow. You cant change the past you can only accept it. You have to think hard and realize that it is worth giving everything you have even if it mean getting hurt. You just have to be more careful on how soon from now. The sooner you get are ready to love again the sooner youll be happier.

No I don 't believe so. If it were true I would be the most cruel evil thing alive. I have had so much heart break in life it is sometimes hard to fathom .

It is your choice to be that way.

My first love was an older, mentally ill, sociopathic man who manipulated, stalked, and emotionally tortured me for years online, from the UK. I was 14 when it started and it took years for me to move on completely. He took my young, pure heart and just utterly decimated it. It really changed me as a person. I loved him so much that I was so blind to the terrible things he was doing to me as well as to another young girl, IRL. I did love him deeply though and our "relationship" was mostly happy in the beginning and I relished that.

I do not feel the same about love as I used to. I no longer believe or have unconditional love I don't believe it exists. I love my boyfriend so much and would love him even if he were disfigured, large, sick, etc. But my love now has boundaries. It is not crazy and overly emotional. I was obsessed with my first love and I lost a lot of weight when I i as with him because I lost my sense of hunger and would neglect my personal needs just to talk to him. There are good and bad things about being over that experience. Overall I think it's good.

However, I credit MYSELF for moving on and being able to love again. It was my choice to move on. I had to make the effort.

I think that traumatic experiences in love can change a person...but not completely " heartless ". Such experiences " harden " them but not heartless. I became " hardened " after my heart was broken at the age of 21 yrs old. But surprisingly, the " hardening " was a very positive experience for me. I just became more logical, rational, driven in everything in life...which ultimately led to success in a lot of things I do. So, yeah, not heartless...but hardened.

I will admit I wasn't the nicest person before it happened, but now my cruelty (mostly in my mind) astounds even me sometimes.

Like when some guy was rude to me when I worked at Walmart because it took me a long time to find his cigarettes. After he left I told a coworker he should just throw himself off a cliff, because nobody would miss him.

it made me more cautious of people and bitter than i used to be

I will admit I wasn't the nicest person before it happened, but now my cruelty (mostly in my mind) astounds even me sometimes.

 

Like when some guy was rude to me when I worked at Walmart because it took me a long time to find his cigarettes. After he left I told a coworker he should just throw himself off a cliff, because nobody would miss him.

You are letting your unresolved anger at your former friend/lover color your view of the world. Making a comment like that due to someone's rude behavior over a pack of cigs is completely over the top.

As this issue w/ the love interest was years ago, I would suggest some sort of counseling or anger management.

Not a lover. In the OP, my former best friend and love of my life was the same person. We weren't dating, I just loved her for many years, in an unrequited way. Yes she was a girl, yes I was a girl, if you have a problem with it, then please take the homophobia elsewhere thanks.

It also has definitely made me not able to trust anyone. I really don't trust anyone. I wasn't trusting before it happened but I did trust her, now I trust nobody.

I definitely shouldn't have said the thing about Mr. Angry Cigarette out loud, but it was just an example. Normally I'd just think it. I guess I'm lucky a manager didn't hear me and the coworker didn't rat me out! lol.

Also, in my defense, he was pretty DAMN rude.

First of all, I have no problem w/ your sexual orientation -- so chill.

Use of friend/lover was to shorten the post instead of posting your unrequited relationship...

I don't care if he was rude. You are in a service position. Which means ....you provide service. People will be rude. And yes, you are lucky that your coworker didn't rat you out. There is no defense for your level of anger....in this instance, and in others. Your mind, if not your mouth, is angry. And that is from your past.

You can deal with it---- or you can live with it. That is your choice.

First of all, I have no problem w/ your sexual orientation -- so chill.

 

Use of friend/lover was to shorten the post instead of posting your unrequited relationship...

 

I don't care if he was rude. You are in a service position. Which means ....you provide service. People will be rude. And yes, you are lucky that your coworker didn't rat you out. There is no defense for your level of anger....in this instance, and in others. Your mind, if not your mouth, is angry. And that is from your past.

 

You can deal with it---- or you can live with it. That is your choice.

I know, but some people do, so it's addressed to them.

I am not in a service position anymore, since I quit that job nearly half a year ago. Still, I normally would just ignore that kind of behavior but something about him just set me off. People are usually not the nicest when they're having nicotine fits, but would you really say there's an excuse for his behavior, any more than there is for mine? Not really. Just because he's a customer doesn't make it okay to treat me like that.

Again, I surprised myself by saying it out loud. I shouldn't have done that.

The coworker was taking chocolate bars and so on from customers which is probably why he didn't tell anyone. he'd be in as much trouble as me.

I'm angry about other bad things that have happened to me, so it's not just my ex friend leaving me.

To clarify: on at least one occasion, this coworker ate a candy bar that a customer had purchased and given him as a gift. Gifts from customers=serious no no.

The thing is if you are this angry. You need some kind of therapy. I can feel your anger and defensiveness all the way over here. When you ask for help or advice it is not usually advantageous to bite the people who you reach out to.

The co-worker from your past is the least of your issues.

You seem to be ignoring the fact that your anger is out of proportion to what you deal with on a day to day basis. And even if you manage to keep it in, you are still thinking the thoughts. And they are out of proportion to the issues.

Fact: You are an angry individual.

Options: Stay angry. Or get help.

I think everyone is angry to a greater or lesser degree. There is so much dissatisfaction in the world that it's unavoidable.

As for me seeming angry from over the internet, I think that's largely a degree of someone seeing what they want to see. I'm simply telling it like it is.

I was in therapy before and it did not help, most likely because I have something that therapists do not treat.

I believe therapy only helps when people are open to it. It does not help people who are closed off. Therapy can't treat closed off.

Just remember everyone has their own life stories that are as often as bad as your own but they have stopped in to help you.

I know, but some people do, so it's addressed to them.

So you are pre-emptively lashing out at unknown people who may have a problem with your sexual orientation?

Ummm, no. Most people are not angry to a g/l degree.

You started this post saying you were cruel. That is not normal anger.

People are not "seeing what they want to see".

Like it or not, you project ANGER.

Find a new therapist. Because they do treat what you have -- if you let them.

Most people think I'm shy and quiet, so I can't project that much anger.

No one on this forum has ever met you. You can and do project that much anger. And denial.

If people think you are shy and quiet, it is because you haven't opened your mouth.

You do on here. There is nothing shy and quiet about you here. People let it all hang out, the real them online because they feel they are safe. So I would say what is really inside you is coming out because you won't pay a consequence for it.