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Just want to leave this whole world


Ishan

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hi.

you have us then.

you can trust us, because we don't know who you are. I can promise you we won't judge you.

 

I've been in that dark place before. It's a scary place to be. Why do you want to leave? for me it was that I was facing being unable to care for my children or wife, that I had utterly failed as a provider.

We're listening.

-nbr

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Sorry guys

I cant share because i cant trust strangers i dont even trust my family so it is very difficult to share and day by day this feeling of comitting suicide is increasing at a very high rate.

Everyday i do hurt my self by making my blood to came out of my body. I make very deep cuts which pains a lot and blood also comes out in good quantity

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Ishan, I too find it very hard to trust people and do not talk.

 

You are safe here. No one knows you, no one will judge you. If you can not share here, there is a private message feature. If that might work for you, please give it a try even just to say hello. I would welcome that if you would like to.

 

One thing I found helpful to me was to write. I can tell anything to the paper and when I'm done, it is very easy to put the paper in the fire. It is very freeing for me. My thoughts are released, consumed by the fire and then drift away with the smoke.

 

The name you have chosen here, it is very beautiful. Does it have some meaning?

 

Please keep trying, I know how very hard it is myself. Even though it may seem impossible now, you can do this. You are in my prayers.

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Seriously i also dont know why the hell i have become like this. I just dont know why i have become like this. I always want to remain alone, Dont talk to anyone, Stay away from light and remain in dark And I love to hurt my self as badly as i can do. I am totally lost in my own world. My heart is totally broken into many many pieces. I have lost my heart. I usually remain alone all the time. I only prayed 1 last thing from god that is i want to die and want to leave this world but god didnt accepted it. Now i dont even think that god exists. I hate god because he cant even fullfil my one last pray. I am just trying to find the ways to kill myself. I dont even think that anyone loves me everybody hates me. I have always thinked about others not about myself. I have lost my smile. I try my best to keep everyone happy but nobody sees about my happines. I am alone in this world. I am very much depressed and in a high tension. Everyday i think how to die.

The name i have chosen here is my real name and i dont know want it means and i dont even want to know. Maybe it means that a boy who is always sad, depressed, always in tension, remain alone, want to die and etc,etc.

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I'm tempted to say that maybe we could swap lives - you can have my cancer and I'll have your problems. I suppose though that now in my life, I am mostly happy even though life isn't always easy. You sound to me as though you are likely young, and I would not want youth back. Life and it's obstacles can make you stronger.

 

You can start to come out of your darkness if you want - you already have by posting here. I hope you will stay here a while longer and enable yourself to get happy again.

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Yes i want your cancer. I always wish that how can i get cancer. I want to have cancer at a very a high stage. So that i can die as soon as possible. I try my best to come out of the darkness but i have always failed. I dont think i will stay here long because very soon i am going to kill myself and then i will leave this world.

According to me Love, sympathy,etc are all a type of drama a fake drama no one can feel the real pain which i am having in a large amount. I always thought that i am lucky but as i am growing i realise that i am a loser guy and a unlucky guy. Wish i could have something which can make me die as soon as possible. I am planning to end my life in this month only.

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My Hindu friend tells me that Ishaan is one of the names given to Shiva. Very powerful and beautiful indeed.

 

You are not unlucky or a loser. You have found this forum, and through it you have also found people who are willing to listen. That makes you very lucky indeed.

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yes you are right that ishan is one of the names of Shiva but that i am not one of him. I hate this name because it is related to Shiva. That bloody Shiva. I hate God . I dont believe in god. Because if god is there then i would not be in this type of situation. I dont like my name it is the worst name in the world. Because it relates to Shiva. How do you know that i am not unlucky and not a loser. I am a loser and a unlucky guy. Want to end my life very soon. Joining to this doesnt mean that i am lucky. If i die this forum cant do anything.

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I can understand what you're saying about God. There have been a few times in my life where I said the same. I lost my faith completely. I hated God for the things that had happened to me. How could this be, why was this allowed to happen. I was worthless, unloved and a total failure. Many, many times I wanted to give up and just let death take me. I invited him, courted him even, but he did not. Death had had me in his palm twice and each time he's thrown me back into life.

 

I had to find my own faith. Not in God, but in myself. I raged against the world and fought back. I determined my fate. Not God, not death, not anyone. Only me. I quit luck because I have never had any. I made my own luck through sheer stubbornness.

 

No, this forum can't do anything if you die, but you are not alone here. In finding this forum, you have found people that care and that want you to live. Perhaps that is strange, that faceless, nameless people somewhere out there in the world could care about you. But it is true. Look at the people posting here. We hear you.

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In the past 2-3 years I have changed a lot. Totally changed First I was like always smiling and dancing but now i am always sad. Walking alone in dark. I also dont want to live because for whom i should live. No one needs me. If anyone needs me it is only when they are getting bored and they want a joker to entertain them. My family has made me a servant. They think that i am a robot. Whenever they are angry with some one else and they see me and then they start shouting at me. They always do like this. They cool down there anger at shouting at me. like as if i dont have a heart or any feelings. But now seriously i dont have heart. My heart is broken into 100000000000000......... pieces. Whenever they cool down there anger at shouting on me they dont realise that how much there anger and there shouting is effecting me.

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