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Girlfriend finally moving out today


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Today is the day she moves out my heart is filled with both relief and anger and hatred. I feel hurt and abandoned and alone but that is the safest place I know because being alone is where no one can hurt me emotionally. She says that I no longer can be trusted whatsoever and you know what she's the one not to be trusted she is a two face and a liar and never would have been right for me to begin with. After today is over I can finally move on with the peace of mind that this chapter of my life is over and a new one will come about. I am just foolish enough to believe that I could have ever loved her so unconditionally and without regard it pains me to see the true side of her. This relationship was not without purpose and it's purpose was to show me that you can't trust anyone and that you can't give out love unconditionally. I took care of her for almost a year provided for her gave her comfort and gifts beyond measure just so I can see her smile but it wasn't good enough. I think the worst part is that I believed for one second that we could have gone the distance but look who is the idiot now.

 

Time to gather my pieces and put them all together again the hardest part of this all is going to be when I have to see her for some family events. She is my bestfriends cousin and with it comes a whole mess of problems but I love him like a brother and I just hope that everything will be good. Maybe I can finally let go of everything and move on but the I don't want to be the same person I was before I want to be a new hardened person and when I look back I want to see a person who is better off now then ever before. Thanks for letting me rant and I have a race today and hopefully the challenges in the race will push me forward to becoming a new man.

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You could give me unconditional love, and in return you would only get unconditional love back, in other words its all about the `person` who you give your love to that matters, if you let the enemy into your castle and bring it to ruins, its no wonder you end up crying, but what are you going to do, cry over the ruins and never trust another person, or are you going to rebuild your castle stronger then before and make sure you only let the right people into your heart. With that said, you should make sure to close the gate of your castle to your enemies, and only open them up to the right people.

 

You suffer the risk that you might turn yourself in a statue and become a person with a heart of stone, but you will never be alive in this way , you cannot close the gate forever because the people inside the castle need food. Your soul needs nurturing just as much, and for this reason denying unconditional love to others, is to deny and starve yourself. You would therefore be ill adviced to go this wrong way. Knowing this, take good care of yourself.

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Thanks for your responses tonight is the second night I am alone and I feel at peace. I have been hearing my apartment security door open and then look to my door and wonder if it's her coming back and saying sorry. I need to move past these feelings because I don't want them anymore. I am not going to lie I'm not going to trust anyone with the kind of trust and honesty I gave her not for a while. I just want to move on and become the person I orginially sought out to be one who is caring to people, who will take the time out of his day to help a stranger, to push forward against any odds. It's just sad when I think about all the dreams that I had of the two of us growing old having children making love in different places around the world. I'm not trying to sound dramatic of the sorts I'm just bitter and resentful that's all. I have had a few women come up to me while I was in school the other only to look at them and try to put on a fake smile. I don't want these women to talk to me I don't trust their intentions not that I really know them. I guess being in a 2 year relationship without looking at another women and only thinking about the girl I was with could do that to me. I was loyal to a fault and I pushed people out of my life and now I am suffering for it but it's what I deserve. Thank you again for your thoughts and comments just wish me luck in the upcoming weeks and months and hope I don't break no contact because that is what I am going to do.

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