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Are most women turned off by introverted men?


cdb1204

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Since most women (it seems) love to be social and are hard-core extroverts, does an introverted guy have a chance with women?

 

(granted, I've known a few introverted women, but, by far, women it seems are just naturally extroverted creatures who thrive on social interaction with as many people as possible).

 

I'm not necessarily a shy person (a shy person has phobias of interacting with others, IMO) but I am a textbook introvert. I'm quiet, I keep to myself, and crowds drain me.

 

As I look accross women's online profiles, most of them stress how outgoing they are, how much they love to socialize and meet many different kinds of people.

 

I just broke up with a woman who, of course, was a natural extrovert. We never ran out of things to talk about. According to my cell phone records, most of our phone conversations were four-five hours long. She would tell me often how much she enjoyed me sexually (and I believe she was sincere). She was also impressed with my performance.

 

However.....we would go out to clubs to listen to live music and she would make friends easily with many, many complete strangers, whereas I just sat there and kept to myself. I don't like trying to have a conversation with someone when I can barely hear him/her, and I'm not the mingler type anyway. I only like to focus on one person at a time (just her)/

 

She ended it two weeks ago because she said she wasn't feeling the chemistry. I wanted to stay with her because I thought it would be good for me to be with an extrovert. I also thought that I'm stronger in certain areas that she's weak in (I'm a logical thinker, I have better judgement, etc.) and vice versa. I thought we could combine our individual strengths and make a good team (the same way employers look for diversity in terms of talent).

 

This kind of thing happens to me A LOT! Women break up because they don't feel chemistry — and I worry it's because I'm an introvert!

 

I worry that my introverted personality is seriously handicapping me with women.

 

I'm not a bad-looking guy. On a scale of 1-10, most women give me at 8 or even a 9 in terms of looks. But I am a good guy, a mature person........and I often think women want a badass type of man, even one who will treat them harshly, because they find such men more stimulating.....and looks don't matter to these women, I often believe.

 

Pre-supposing that at least 75 percent of women are extroverts, does an introverted guy even have a chance?

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I wanted to stay with her because I thought it would be good for me to be with an extrovert. I also thought that I'm stronger in certain areas that she's weak in (I'm a logical thinker, I have better judgement, etc.) and vice versa. I thought we could combine our individual strengths and make a good team (the same way employers look for diversity in terms of talent).

 

[/quote

 

I think if someone said why they wanted to be in a realtionship with me like that i might be quite put off...it's very logical and lacking in emotion but of course that may be just me....

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75% of women are extroverted? Bollocks. Sure, in social situations, you might find that 75% are extroverted. This is because a large portion of introverted people - male or female - just don't go and be social in the same way as extroverted people. The same goes for online dating and the like. Extroverted people are more outgoing and will do stuff like that. Introverted people may not so much.

 

You'll probably find that many couples work because one is introverted and the other is extroverted. So, I do not think this is the reason she would have broken up with you. And if it is, then she is simply looking for a more extroverted type guy. Doesn't mean extroverted girl number 2, 3 or 12 won't work with introverted man.

 

Go find some groups that are more based around things you like to do - beyond drinking - and you might be surprised to find plentiful introverted types. or just don't judge yourself so harshly because you are introverted.

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Pre-supposing that at least 75 percent of women are extroverts, does an introverted guy even have a chance?

 

You can't pre-suppose anything. You have no facts. And it wouldn't matter, anyway. It doesn't matter what the rest of the world is like, it matters what you're like. You are the only factor in this that you can change.

 

Did she say for a fact that she broke up with you because you are introverted?

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It's not necessarily about being "turned off." Women expect to be pursued, and as a result, introverted men have an inherent disadvantage. That said, women that are attracted to more traditionally/typically male qualities (aggression, power, etc.) could be turned off, as our society views "introverted" as being "weak."

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You sound a lot like my SO who thinks I am extroverted. That surprised me and when I told some friends, they said they consider me extroverted too.

 

Well, I don't mind being with an introverted man - he classes himself as introverted, but because I like going out more than he does, it's fortunate that I have friends who I socialise with and interests which he is not involved with so obviously I don't expect my social life to revolve around coupledom. I've been with a man who could be very gregarious, and I would sometimes cringe. I much prefer men who are on the reserved side - and I find that attractive.

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It's not necessarily about being "turned off." Women expect to be pursued, and as a result, introverted men have an inherent disadvantage. That said, women that are attracted to more traditionally/typically male qualities (aggression, power, etc.) could be turned off, as our society views "introverted" as being "weak."

 

My introverted SO did not "pursue" me in the way more outgoing men have. I wasn't turned off by it - I simply didn't realise that he liked me. In fact, I thought he must not have been interested - until other people told me he liked me a lot.

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I'm definitely an introvert and I've never had problems with women. I've never dated an introverted woman. I'll do 50% of the work in dating and no more - and never any chasing. However, I will be bold and direct with them if I decide I like them. Before I was married and I was dating, if I was dating a girl and I liked her, I was always the first to tell her very directly that I like her and want to date her exclusively. Introverts are definitely the minority and in American culture they're almost shunned whereas in many other cultures they're more accepted and appreciated. I think it's that reason that's causing you to think that 75% of women are extroverts. It's more that they're describing themselves in that was because in American culture, it's the most common and positive way to describe a desirable person. It's ironic that you're finding women who say they want to meet many different kinds of people when the truth is they're really only looking to meet one specific type of person.

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actually I've always had a thing for introverted guys, and the one I'm crushing on big time now is a total introvert.

 

I'm a mild introvert (I'm lean just slightly to the introverted side every time I take the Myers Briggs) but it's REALLY important for me to have some down time and alone time and I feel like extroverts just don't get that. Most of my friends don't believe I'm an introvert, actually, but I know I am.

 

There's so much to love about introverts. I love that they tend to respect personal space and don't smother you. Plus introverts tend to be more thoughtful in their communications because they think and deliberate before they speak, so we have some great conversations. I love that there can be silences in conversations that aren't awkward.

 

I love me some introverted men, seriously. I could go for one in bed with me right now in fact

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It's really going to come down to the individual and what their wants/needs are in the relationship. Just because a woman is extroverted doesn't mean she also wants to be with an extroverted man. However if you two have relationship needs that the other isn't able or willing to accommodate then your going to run into some serious issues. For example, my wife is extroverted and I am introverted. She has managed to push all her friends away and fills her need for socializing by completely and totally smothering me. Hopefully you will be able to find someone that jives better with your personality because trying to address these issues after your neck deep in a serious relationship with them is not fun.

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I wouldn't say women are turned off by introverted men, It is just extroverts are able to put themselves out there faster and cast a wider net if you will in a social setting. I am a textbook introvert and women approach me all the time, in fact all my serious relationships have been with women who expressed attraction first.

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I consider myself to be an introverted guy who's also extremely shy (there is a dif. between the two imo). I never approach women because of it.

I've found I usually attract extrovert woman because I look like a guy who's "socially in tune with society" (I'm so not haha) and who's rather confident (pffffftttt). I dress in that manner on purpose because it's a disguise, in a sense, to not show my true personality (shy).

I'll be honest, from what I've experienced, women often find me attractive physically, but when they find out my personality - they back off when it is realized that I'm not extroverted (in the slightest).

To be fair though, I am aware that I am attracting the wrong type of woman because they're misinterpreting my personality, but I do this on purpose.

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I consider myself to be an introverted guy who's also extremely shy (there is a dif. between the two imo). I never approach women because of it.

I've found I usually attract extrovert woman because I look like a guy who's "socially in tune with society" (I'm so not haha) and who's rather confident (pffffftttt). I dress in that manner on purpose because it's a disguise, in a sense, to not show my true personality (shy).

I'll be honest, from what I've experienced, women often find me attractive physically, but when they find out my personality - they back off when it is realized that I'm not extroverted (in the slightest).

To be fair though, I am aware that I am attracting the wrong type of woman because they're misinterpreting my personality, but I do this on purpose.

 

Wow! That was really enlightening for me!

 

I'm attracting the wrong kind of women too.

 

And I'm very shy. I'm phisicaly attractive, dress nice, I'm very tall, I enjoy running, going to the gym, doing outdoor activities, so I think I scare shy girls!

 

The girl I'm going out at the moment is very extroverted but I think she didn't realize I was so shy the first time she saw me. I don't know it is going far, I'm already seeing some signs of incompatibility.

 

I need to get over my shyness... or maybe start doing more shy people activities, whatever that is.

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I'm more on the introverted side than extroverted, and I did like a couple of introverted men in my time, but they eventually told me to take a hike because they said I was "clingy". They took like, wanting to talk and communicate as clinginess. There was one introverted guy who liked me who wasn't like that, but he was actually clingy while introverted.. it's somehow possible lol. I find there are two kinds of introverts - the shy kind, which is kind of what I am, and the kind that just doesn't really enjoy people at all (the two guys I liked who eventually rejected me).

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If someone is very introverted yes, it turns me off nowadays. Most of my bfs were and it got a little difficult socially, we'd be out and they weren't having fun or complaining about wanting to go home, or standing in a corner not talking much..I found that I couldn't fully relax. I am about 60-40 extrovert/introvert and I like someone similar.. I like a bit of what /Jake/ above describes. Someone that looks more sociable than he is, that is ok when out but likes to be at home a lot too.

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I consider myself to be an introverted guy who's also extremely shy (there is a dif. between the two imo). I never approach women because of it.

I've found I usually attract extrovert woman because I look like a guy who's "socially in tune with society" (I'm so not haha) and who's rather confident (pffffftttt). I dress in that manner on purpose because it's a disguise, in a sense, to not show my true personality (shy).

I'll be honest, from what I've experienced, women often find me attractive physically, but when they find out my personality - they back off when it is realized that I'm not extroverted (in the slightest).

To be fair though, I am aware that I am attracting the wrong type of woman because they're misinterpreting my personality, but I do this on purpose.

 

Intriguing.

How in the WORLD do you dress this way exactly?

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I consider myself to be an introverted guy who's also extremely shy (there is a dif. between the two imo). I never approach women because of it.

I've found I usually attract extrovert woman because I look like a guy who's "socially in tune with society" (I'm so not haha) and who's rather confident (pffffftttt). I dress in that manner on purpose because it's a disguise, in a sense, to not show my true personality (shy).

I'll be honest, from what I've experienced, women often find me attractive physically, but when they find out my personality - they back off when it is realized that I'm not extroverted (in the slightest).

To be fair though, I am aware that I am attracting the wrong type of woman because they're misinterpreting my personality, but I do this on purpose.

 

I do that too, with the dress. I dress kind of preppy, like a girl who would be more ditzy I guess, but I'm actually on the introverted side and kind of weird. If I dressed for my personality, I might have blue hair.

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One thing that bugs me - introversion is NOT the same as shyness. I see them getting conflated on this thread. Totally different things.

 

Shyness can be a turnoff because its root is usually a lack of self confidence.

 

Introversion has nothing to do with confidence. You can be a very confident introvert. It just means you draw energy from solitude rather than being around other people.

 

Like I said before, I love introverted men for a lot of reasons. Shyness is a whole other kettle of fish.

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