I was told to post here to try to stay strong, im counting on u!

Im feeling drained ever since he let me go, it's very rough!! I re-read every text I sent him since June and they don't seem to be crazy or anything, yet he lets me go? It's hard, like I want to delete everything and forget about him like he did to me, but I keep it in the back of my head that he will hopefully SOONER THAN LATER contact me and want to be with me.

It's a fairly tale imagination that I have though and I am a person who strongly believes in love and believes in committement!!!! It hurts like crazy, everytime I pull in to my place, I look for his vehicle, everytime I pass our resturants, I think of him, grocert store....i think of cooking for him, pampering myself, I think of him seeing me! Everything reminds me of him and everything makes me want him back! I sounds bad, I know, but I swear I don't think I am crazy....I just really held on, I held on so much and then after he did me wrong this last time, he stood me up....I decided to ignore his call, his only call I ignored and the only one he attempted to make, come a week later and he blocks me! It's off to be blocked after I didn't contact him...My friends tell me he is letting me go for good this time, but they also think he will try to come back and whenever he does, IF he ever does, I need to be mean and I need to be firm and let him know to leave me alone! I can't even imagaine myself saying those type of words to the man I loved so much.

I know hes bad, no good, cheater, liar, manipulaor, jerk!!...But he's also, loyal "not in a way you would define it" but hes a honest, stand up man when it comes to matters "away frm the heart" like if I was ever in trouble, hed be there!... Hes also sweet, careing, sensitive at times, smart, veeeery smart, the hardest working man I have ever known in my life and a great lover...I can think of more, but those are the main ones....It's hard to let go of someone who I thought had potential to be my mate for life! We talked about the future, we said we loved eachother "once"...Me I said it more than once!..... It hurts tho because he cheated, he lied about it, then he finally admitted to it! I had to keep on nagging him for a bout 45 minutes before he actually admitted it. It wasn't a good day, it was supposed to be a good day, but it turned out to be the LAST time we were officially together. I left him, but wouldn't you??? After I left him, that same day, I apologized and practically begged for us to work things out!...It didn't work.... We talked every once in a while...

He got me preg, I let him know and he said hed support whatever decision id make, but he didn't...the more and more he thought of it, the more he decided for abort. So I did it, after 2 weeks of thinking...... hes the one who took me to my consults, drs appointment and then surgery....After the surgery, we kept in contact, talked, jokes around, he admitted he thinks he made a mistake and that he hates himself for putting me through it!!! I told him it's okay...I was very sweet and understanding about the whole entire situation, more than I ever saw myself being.... I told him its not his fault, its just as much mine bc we both didn't use protection. Anyways, hes in another state right now, so it was trully dificult the next few weeks, and while my horomones were going back in order, i would let him know I felt a little regret and shame. I never really guilted him, but kinda did! Well recently, because he blocked me!!! But I was upset because he stood me up the last 2 weeks he told me he was coming back, into town.... never contacted me!!

So yesterday, I tried contacting him, and I noticed the msg said i was on a restriction list, my heart dropped! I had my bestfriend try to call him and it didn't give her that msg and he answered!...So he def restricted me

Im just having a hard time right now....even since he blocked me, i txted him like once or twice, letting him know I still care for him...

Where do I even go from here? I plan to get a 2nd job to take my mind off of it and make more money...But I question if its a good idea? I don't know how healthy it is to vent anymore....because I Can be quite stuborn and any advise you try to give me, I will try to fight it to the nail, even though I know deep down inside that your right......

This is just tough!!!

Stay strong! Take up some hobbies. So far, I've taken up scuba diving, painting, and walking in the park. We're all here for you if you need an ear. You're making great strides by seeking out help and comfort, so keep it up and don't be too down on yourself. (:

Thank you Missy May!! It's a very very very-----very steep hill for me but it's my fault to keep trying and making it even more steep each time... I found a video on youtube a while back about how to get over your ex and this guy described it very well...he said your ex is like never ever land, and you are trying to get over that bridge to happy land, but in order to do that, you gotta "build your bridge.." He was talking about making new memories to replace the old by dating, being your friends, living life still, basically... The only thing I found wrong about his advise is the dating part! I can't date yet unless the man is literally "perfect." lol Scuba diving sounds like fun, but Im not in a state that has that!!! Painting isn't my thing, but I like writing and I like drawing I am especially creative with cooking, baking, stuff like that....

Ooh, cooking sounds like a good one. The YMCA I work at is having some cooking courses-- I should look into that. By the way, the Y is a great and positive place for me right now. It's definitely worth looking into if you have one nearby. Also, music is really great for some reason.

I like Jimmy Eat World's take on it: "It just takes some time, little girl. You're in the middle of the ride. Everything will be all right; everything will be just fine."

I know hes bad, no good, cheater, liar, manipulaor, jerk!!...But he's also, loyal "not in a way you would define it" but hes a honest, stand up man when it comes to matters "away frm the heart" like if I was ever in trouble, hed be there!... Hes also sweet, careing, sensitive at times, smart, veeeery smart, the hardest working man I have ever known in my life and a great lover...

This is going to sound a little strange... but have you ever seen an addict going through withdrawal? An otherwise seemingly normal person gets kinda crazy. And not the "good" crazy... the "bad" crazy. Love? I'm really convinced it is like a drug. When you breakup with someone... for a short while... well... you don't see things so clearly. With all due respect... you are not seeing things very clearly right now. (For what it's worth - I've been here too).

In your rational mind, though, you have to know that in no way is this man loyal or honest. Loyal and honest men don't cheat and lie about it. You've drunk his kool-aid. He probably talks a big game and says convincing things... but... it's not who he really is. It's his actions that count - not his words. You say he'd be there for you if you needed him? Isn't that kind of hard when he's blocked you? How would you even TELL him that you need help? You can't - because he's not listening. He's not sweet or caring. If he was either of those things, he would have talked to you and broken up with you if he was not happy - not sleep with someone else without regard to your feelings. And he's not sensitive! If he was, he'd also be sensitive to YOUR feelings (which he's not). And I'm sure he's a great lover - it's easy when you sleep with a lot of people.

Ok - I know this post is pretty harsh - but... are you getting mad? I hope so! You should be very mad... just not at me... at HIM!

You've put this guy on a seriously high pedastal and you really need to kick him off of it because he doesn't deserve to be there. He's not the guy you think he is. He's really not.

I think you need to go on a cleanse. You need to block him on Facebook. Delete all of his emails, texts and messages. Get rid of anything and everything that reminds you of him. And DELETE his number from your phone so you don't get weak and text him. If you really, really have to - write it on a piece of paper somewhere and stash it somewhere hidden away where you cannot see it, then delete his number.

Then - I think you should get a pen and paper and write down all of the things that you hated about the relationship. Write down all the ways that he did you wrong. Think about every negative experience you can and write it down. This way... the next time you feel weak, you should read from that paper again. The top two things on that list? He cheated on you and he's a liar.

Finally - yes. Once you are in a place where you know why he's bad for you... yes. You should get back out there and distract yourself by pursuing a hobby, getting a second job... anything, really. Just something to keep you busy.

You have to rationally know that this guy is not good for you. You just have to teach your emotional side why too.

You'll get through this...

When we're depressed and the only thing that excites us is HIM... and we can't have him, it's hard to imagine rebuilding our lives and finding joy in other things... but we absolutely can! And the more distance you have from him, the more you start to almost forget about him, and the little things you take up... start to be pretty enjoyable. Yeah, until that "perfect" guy comes along, we will probably feel lonely at times, but we can't let that feeling set us back... and the more distance you have from him, the less intense those lonely moments are...

Lately, I've been seeing an individual therapist, working out every day, reading, spending time with my sisters, browsing online dating sites, getting finances in order, preparing to change jobs, shopping...

These are my efforts to rebuild my life without him, and I'm starting to feel at peace, maybe even happy at times. We'll get there! We can do this.

Books I'm currently reading: "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" and "So Long Insecurity". After a good workout and a soothing shower, crawling into bed and reading a bit feels really nice. It's all about the little things for now.

Missy May:

I like Jimmy Eat World's take on it: "It just takes some time, little girl. You're in the middle of the ride. Everything will be all right; everything will be just fine."

I love that song! And I have heard of YMCA but the only time Ive ever been there is when I was a small child. I'll have to look into it...Really thinking about taking on a 2nd job because I seriously need the money. That is another thing a bout my ex, he always helped me when I needed him financially, especially......

Red Dress: The old me would be upset with you and get defensive, but ....I can't be mad over what you have said because you are correct!!

I think you should get a pen and paper and write down all of the things that you hated about the relationship. Write down all the ways that he did you wrong. Think about every negative experience you can and write it down. This way... the next time you feel weak, you should read from that paper again. The top two things on that list? He cheated on you and he's a liar.

I have tried this and it worked, but then he called and I read the list to him lol, and he kept defending himself to no end...But now there is more to add, like the abort for instance is a huge reminder that he may of not been the one....

Like I said, it's a very steep hill!!

gtnovru: You are doing so good!!! I can't wait until I get there too... The books never helped me, it might of a little bit, but I mostly used them to try to win him back, so maybe thats why. Maybe now that its actually really ......I got sad thinking about it really being ........over But now that it is, Maybe going back to reading might not be a bad idea! I don't really care of self-help books anymore though, but learning something new or getting into a fictional book might help, dunno.... Everyone seems to be doing so good!!! Thank you for being there for me in my time of dire need!! lol

Yeah, find whatever area of reading interests you! I think it's a good distraction, gets your mind off him, and it's good for you!

The breakup book has been fun for me because it combines humor with advice. And it includes letters from people who are going through/went through BUs.

The insecurity book was recommended by my therapist. She thinks my low self-esteem put me in the relationship with my ex... He used me, lied to me, yet I forgave him constantly because I wanted his LOVE. She thinks this was a self-worth issue. I was getting my value through him, not sure if anyone else can relate to that.

I definetly can relate to that! It's just that we need to grow to be for independed and be for dependent on ourselves....your councelor/therapist sounds like a smart person! lol

It's gonna take some time and whole lot of backbone. I hear you about the whole daydreaming bit. It cost me a good three years of my life before I got my head pulled out. I doubt you will take that long though.

Exercise! Walk a few hours everyday and do it without thinking. Just do it. Don't make up no fancy exercise schedule. Tell yourself every day at (whatever time you wake up) I will walk exactly one hour to the (north/east/west/south) and I don't care what I'm wearing. Come back and do it again that afternoon. It makes a difference, I promise.

I can't help you the daydreams of past experiences with him. It takes on a life of its own but believe me, like an old DVD it loses clarity and finally you don't pay any attention to it.

Good luck!

I fell asleep praying and thinking about him and I.... It hasn't brought much clarity, but I think it's because I am not letting it heal me, instead I keep asking to bring him back........... I know it's the wrong thing to be saying, but it's what I for some reason keep thinking about.......Im exhausted this morning and still have work today, so Im going to try to put on a happy face!

Masterpo: It's a good idea to excersize, but for some reason I am too bogged down, I do walk at my breaks and lunches at work around the building...Thats pretty much it though lol!

Start praying for healing. Not for him to come back.

Daily exercise has expedited my healing tremendously, I truly believe more significant healing came once I started working out again. The natural endorphins make you feel great... you lose weight, tone up, fit better into clothes, feel better about yourself, so that's great... Plus the guys at the gym looking your way really boosts your self-confidence... as dumpees, we need all we can get. It's all good! Get to the gym, you'll be so glad you did.

My therapist said that people suffering from any kind of depression have a higher success rate if they incorporate exercise. So it's an important component in the healing process.

Start praying for healing. Not for him to come back.

 

Daily exercise has expedited my healing tremendously, I truly believe more significant healing came once I started working out again. The natural endorphins make you feel great... you lose weight, tone up, fit better into clothes, feel better about yourself, so that's great... Plus the guys at the gym looking your way really boosts your self-confidence... as dumpees, we need all we can get. It's all good! Get to the gym, you'll be so glad you did.

 

My therapist said that people suffering from any kind of depression have a higher success rate if they incorporate exercise. So it's an important component in the healing process.

YES!!! Exactly. Now go do it. Once you get the endorphin "fix" going believe me you are gonna find time to exercise. Thank god for it.

I do not know why but my body is just not ready to exersize, I don't know if its phycological or not because of the abortion, but I "in my mind" was to, but I am afraid to because of the trama I put my body through bc of the pregnancy and the surgery a couple weeks later. I don't feel like myself yet, maybe once I feel more like myself, I will start it up again, until then, Im just going to listen to my bodys qeues...

This is, I think DAY 3- Since I tried calling or txting, obviously I can't call anymore, for some reason I still want him, but hopeing it can fade. The day is not over yet, had a pretty productive day at work, now my bestfriend is supposed to come over, don't know what we plan to do because my life is a serious mess in a half, but.....we will see! I can't stop praying and wishing he will come back, the more time goes by the more I think about him....Kindof the opposit of whats supposed to be happeneing.....but we will see....

You've yet to have some serious distance/NC with your ex. It's gonna take a few weeks for him to start to fade from your mind. Until then, just be patient with yourself. Stay busy, cry when you need to, get some pampering (massage, pedicure, etc.), find some good books - and before you know it... you will have rode this storm out... and will be on your way to feeling happy again.

And once your body feels ready, DEFINITELY get to the gym : )

..............................I don't even know if I should tell you alll...........................

I just PM'ed you : )

Well, you pretty much already told us. I'm guessing that he contacted you, and now you're on the hook again.

You have to want to let go of this in order to do it -- and you don't want to. That's your choice, but it's also your choice to accept everything that goes along with that, particularly him continuing to behave exactly as he always has, because as long as you accept his behavior, you are giving him permission to treat you the same way he always has. He doesn't have to change his behavior because you continunally accept it. Three or four days of NC is NOT going to have changed anything drastically -- or at all. I think you know this.

I've been reading your threads for a long time, and it is clear that you are addicted to this guy, that he is toxic for you, and that you have no intention of letting go. So, keep him in your life, but understand that in doing that, you are signing yourself up for more of the same. There's a saying, "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." It's very true here.

How has it ended up going so far? I haven't been following the thread for a couple of days, but I'm genuinely interested. Thinking positive thoughts for you in your difficult time.

I want to tell you guys the update, but i want to keep certain things and events private, however u can pm me and Ill let you guys know.....I'm glad he is in my life, lets just say......

Even tho him and I are back together, I still need this to keep strong, keep me frm slipping into old habits of being too needy and try to keep my eyes open for any red flags....I still need help staying strong and not losing myself in this relationship because its very easy to do with everything he "says" vs "does"......I am trying to not fall for the same old bs that I did so many times before......

Today was a stressful day for me, but only because he was leaving back out of town and didn't seem every affectionate. I don't know if its me or if it's him....But I told him sorry if I showed any attitude whenever he was leaving, its just I expected a longer goodbye than what I got, I didn't even get a hug, just a peck on the lips?.......So yeah, it's kinda hard....We didn't have the greatest night because I tried talking to him about how I don't think he wants to commit to me because he made me drive over to his place if I wanted to see him....."on the last day before he went back out of town..." So yeah, I got a bit upset because I felt like if he wanted to see me, he'd come to me, but then again, he has been with me the entire weekend, since friday and driven back and forth, bought me some things and helped me out with my place.....

So, maybe I shouldn't of gotten upset, either way......we discussed it and he didn't undermine me, but at the same time, he seemed very confused about why I was upset with him....... I don't want to fight anymore with him, I want to be with him...I want to be his only girl and I hope if things really do change and we are happy together in the next couple months or a yr frm now, we can actually commit to live together. I'd love that if it is really what we want by that time.......He mentioned getting a house together, but then again.....its very up in the air still and I am trying not to get sucked into his "talk" and what he says....

He's got you in hot/cold land again...

I was hoping things would turn around for y'all. But he's still being a tool a bit.

My advice, having been in your spot myself....

Go about your own individual life, start finding a life "without" him... while enjoying what he does give you.

This way you don't get so clingy and demanding of him, you give him space... which will increase the odds he sticks around. But, at the same time, you're defining your own life, based on YOU, not him... So if things do go south, you're not left a complete wreck...

I only WISH I'd done this when my ex was sorta stringing me along. Instead I waited by the phone for 5 months, didn't get a hold of my life... so when he finally dumped me... I've been a devastated mess : (

I am going to try my best to take that advise, it's my own advise to myself as wel.... Im going to still hang out with the guy friends I have and still see my friends and family.... I hate losing myself and I feel gravity pulling me, but I will try my best to resist, hopefully I can gain maybe a bit more independence......Thinkin about takin on a 2nd job since he doesn't seem to stop and drop everything hes doing for me, I need to do the same.....Filling out my app tonight....

Yes, it will be hard to do... going about your life "without" him but try VERY hard. Make plans like a crazy lady, stay busy... if you have some free time and he wants to see you, great! If you've already made plans, KEEP those plans - even though you'd much rather be with him - this is all for your own good in the long run.

Think of it like a challenge, kinda like a game maybe... before you know it, your life will take on a life of its own... making you more desirable to him, giving him the space he needs - and you finding yourself, so you're perfectly at peace, even if he bails.

You can do this!